[Medicated]

There's one thing that I know for sure, and that's that I have issues... but what exactly?

I spent 5.5 years thinking I was Bipolar. There is a lot of security and validation in having a name for your pain. Now the shrink says he's not convinced of that diagnosis and has sent me to a DBT clinic, which tells me he thinks I'm borderline, but he denies that diagnosis, just saying "it could help." At my visit with him today, he also prescribed Ritalin saying that ADD traits could be contributing to or causing a lot of my problems.

My mood has been so erratic lately that I really don't know what's going on with me. I can't tell you what I think or what I want because it's all a moving target. Since the 'bipolar' label has been mostly (but not definitively) ripped from me, I feel like I'm scratching, trying to find somewhere I belong, something defined, predictable, and consistent.

Right now I'm just a young woman with a long history of depression, two hospitalizations, and a mile-long list of meds I've tried with varying degrees of success. I might be bipolar. Maybe not. Maybe I'm borderline. Probably not. Am I ADD? Possibly, but not for sure.

When your condition has a recognized name, it is so much more respectable. People know what you're talking about when you refer to it. It's real. It's documented. It exists. It isn't some wimpy cluster of symptoms that can nearly destroy a life without even having a name. It is fairly frustrating and very scary for me to suddenly feel so unsettled, so invalidated, and even deeply distrustful of my own thoughts and decisions.

So, where do I belong? What forum would take me? I don't want to masquerade as something I'm not or be an interloper in a forum where I don't actually fit. Is there a board for people whose issues still haven't been nailed down (if they will ever be)?

Sorry to rant - I'm just having a hard time with this, and I don't know where else to go.

Thanks.

[Rhapsody]

Originally Posted by Medicated

So, where do I belong?
What forum would take me?

You belong here at PC - where people are supportive and accepting of all that enter into this website looking for help.

[Catherine2]

Medicated...hello

Jmo, but read through the forums and post and reply in the ones where you feel the most comfortable...there is no set criteria for most of them.
It's definitely hard when a diagnosis is taken from you but another is not given--waffling is what I call it. Sometimes it takes the psychiatrists time to really zone in on the most pronounced symptoms and make a diagnosis.
You know it's all right to talk with him/her about your feelings and your rights--you do have them. A right to know the diagnosis and treatment protocol that is planned for you.

Roam around the forums...It's a good bet that you will find some where you feel comfortable.

In Peace

[mschu528]

The truth is there is not definite criteria for any of them. The DSM IV-TR is simply a manual, offering guidelines to help mental health professionals categorize their patients. Categorization is not so much for the patient's sake, but for the researcher's sake, when they write about a disorder in the scientific literature. In reality the symptomatic differences between Bipolar Disorder and Borderline P.D. are so few and far between that it's nearly impossible to differentiate between the two (essentially the only difference is that borderlines are considered more likely to self-harm). ADD is a common comorbid disorder seen with many other diagnoses. I find that trying to fit oneself into a specific corner is a waste of time. We don't belong in any specific corner, we belong anywhere we feel we do.

[possum220]

You belong here at PC - where people are supportive and accepting of all that enter into this website looking for help.

I second rhapsody......

Diagnoses are labels not who you are as a person. Sometimes a label does help others to understand us kind of. Sometimes they will still have no idea. You can post anywhere you feel you would like to. People here are caring and understand feelings whatever the diagnosis.

Welcome to PC

Hi Medicated. Well, since you have an Rx for Ritalin, you almost certainly have a dx of ADHD (I don't think docs give that drug-- a Schedule II medication -- out for 'perhaps' dx's). I detect a curious and insatiable mind in your drive for answers, a positive ADHD trait, in your post. If you do have this dx (and the Ritalin kind of says you have it), welcome to the club!

Mike

[VickiesPath]

((((((((((( medicated ))))))))))))))))

I went for many, many years without a diagnosis or a treatment. My "disorder" used to be known as "That's Just Vickie". It had features known as "There Goes Vickie Again" and "What Else Would You Expect From Vickie". It sucks.

[Medicated]

Thanks everyone. I know that the DSM-IV wasn't really designed for the real world and that names are just names, but if someone came up to you and said, "I don't think your name is really Christine. I don't know what it is, but I don't think it's Christine." it might be a bit unsettling. Yes, you're still you and nothing has changed, but it's an awkward position since we've become so used to that paradigm. As a culture, we like putting labels on things and sorting them into categories. I know that psych is all shades of gray, but the fact that there isn't really a "best fit" here is what frustrates me. I'm actually beginning to think that my psychiatrist just doesn't believe in giving diagnoses. I think his theory is to treat symptoms and not worry about names. That's not necessarily a bad thing, but it sometimes gives me the impression that he doesn't really know what he's doing. Of course, he's a psychiatrist... much of his job is educated guesses.

Just for fun, here is the list of things with which I've been diagnosed at some point in the past: Bipolar, Bipolar II, Major Depressive Disorder, Cyclothymia, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Social Anxiety, B-Cluster Personality Traits/Borderline, Avoidant Personality Traits, Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified, Attention Deficit Disorder, Somatization Disorder/Hypochondria... I'm probably forgetting a couple, and there may be some I don't even know because they don't always tell you.

Hey, how do I get in contact with the people writing the top-secret DSM-V? I think it's about time we named something after me. haha

Seriously, thanks again for the words of reassurance and support everyone. I'll keep lurking on the boards, but it helps a lot to know that I'm welcome and can find understanding friends here, whether or not I've got a name to describe my pains.

(((Medicated))))) Welcome to pc. Any forum here will take you . As ((((Catherine2)) post where you feel most comfortable.
Its hard when the Dxs get changed. My son went from hearing impared. to depressed. to ADD. to PDD and LD. Then they pulled the PDD one as they felt it may impare his life. Well taking it away did.
My thoughts are with you

[paddym22]

Christine

I was dx Bi Polar for 12 years and then my dx was changed to borderline personality disorder. It was as if someone had pulled the rug from underneath me. I was completely lost and lost my identity as well. It has been a long year to get to where I am today and I am no way near a new identity. Today I just am............and that is good enough. Where do you post is totally up to you and the mods and admin, but where ever you feel most at home and feel you will get the required answers try it out.

Best of luck to you and please keep us informed of your progress.

[birdcrazy]

I was mentally ill as a kid too. Back then my label was ADHD, possible childhood schiz. As an adult, I went through Bipolar, Psychosis NOS and Schizoaffective. My therapist thinks I might have ADHD on top of it. I often feel the same way, and even trying to DX myself on occasions, but that doesn't help. I've dxed myself even with something most doctors don't recognize, like that's gonna help!

What I do know is I take a couple of meditations that have evened out my mood (I have always had severe mood disturbance, it's not fun), and have gotten rid of the psychosis I sometimes get, they keep telling me that's all that matters.

[VickiesPath]

I know this is no comparison to what you've had to deal with but I was first diagnosed with Major Depression and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. It was very soon after that that the OCD dropped off because it was ludicrous. Soon after that, I became Major Depression, Recurrent. This stuck for 17 years. It was wrong. Finally, it was Bipolar II. Then I had a psychiatrist tell me that he thought I was actually Bipolar I. Frankly, I don't care what they call me as long as the medications they give me take care of the symptoms and I can function normally.

[Medicated]

No, that sounds pretty familiar. I feel like I've been labeled as everything and taken every med in the book (except a handful of the antipsychotics). Now the theory is that I'm not really bipolar I or II or even borderline, but actually ADD. Yes, ADD. After this runaround, I'm with you on the diagnosis thing - call me whatever you want, just help me get things together.

But honestly, I'm starting to think that I'm not nearly as screwed-up as the many years of treatment have caused me to believe. I guess that might sound funny coming from someone who just got out of the hospital four weeks ago, but I think it was a misunderstanding which landed me there. I can probably attribute most of my recent drama and instability to the mere shock of what happened and the chaos that followed. As time passes and the dust settles, I feel increasingly at ease, even though the diagnosis and treatment plans are still changing.

I wish you well.