[Amanda_1981]

I am really upset right now. After a lot of thinking, I finally decided to send a message to my friend, telling her how upset I am and hurt by how she never talks to me anymore (I think the last time she even called me was over 6 months ago), and how I was really hurt that I would try to call her and message her but she never even took the time to ever reply in all those months. I know she is going through a bit of a rough patch right now, but I am too and couldn't understand why in SIX months she couldn't have taken at least 5 minutes to see how I'm doing or say hi, especially when she knew my aunt was dying and that my mom's kidneys are failing. So, I sent her a message telling her exactly how I feel because I've been hurt by so many people in my life I had just had it and told her exactly how I felt (but also saying that I was sorry she was going through a hard time still). Instead of her replying back or taking the time to call me to talk about it, she gets her boyfriend to send me a nasty horrible message on facebook saying really hateful things that weren't true and making me the bad friend.

Should I have not said anything? I was just tired of always being the one taken advantage of and hurt by her lack of effort to even care about our friendship. Now I am feeling guilty and upset and crying and I don't even feel like I did anything wrong.. I was just saying how I felt, and I made sure to still show my concern for her well being in my message and did not say anything in a way I felt was unappropriate.

So why am I feeling so upset and guilty? I am not used to being assertive or speaking up, I usually end up just letting things go even when I felt I did nothing wrong, but this was really starting to piss me off so I finally spoke up. I guess I'm just not used to speaking my mind, as I have been walked over my whole life and hardly ever speak up for myself.

I just feel really upset by the whole thing.. I don't know if I did the right thing, maybe I just should have kept my mouth shut.

[jen29]

((((((Amanda))))))

I think you did that right thing. I too have been screwed over by friends even when I didn't say anything because I didn't want them to get mad. Well guess what??? They left me anyways. They used me until they didn't need anymore out of me.
The feelings that you are having are totally NORMAL. You have every right to feel the way you do. It's like losing a friend, when you kinda already lost her a while ago. I know how that feels.
I hope you take good care of yourself. You are a very special person, and deserve friends who are there for you and treat you right.
Please PM me if you ever need someone to talk to or just to say how you are doing.
Please don't be hard on yourself.

Hugs,
Jen

[WePow]

Did you talk on the phone with her and confirm she actually had her bf write those things? I never trust other people saying things because I have seen people speak on behalf of another person and the other person did not know it.

But if your friend did that, then as painful as it is, it might be in your best interests to let them go.

Safe hugs to you!

[AAAAA]

It doesn't sound like she is in a place to be a supportive friend right now. If she was taking advantage of you, then she really wasn't a friend to begin with and you're better off without her. As wpowers mentioned, you don't know that she "got" he boyfriend to do anything, it's more likely that your message greatly upset her while she's in a really bad place and vented to her boyfriend who took it upon himself to vent on you. I think her lack of contact over the past six months says more than any response she might have sent you.

[jerrymichele]

I agree with wpowers and AAAAA. I would just leave her alone.

[Michah]

(((((Amanda))))))

I reckon you did the right thing sweet......standing up for oneself is never easy when there are feelings involved.....

Biggest hugs to you......and don't doubt your precious self...

Michah

[VickiesPath]

(((((((((( Amanda ))))))))))

I echo what the others said. You did nothing wrong.

To answer your question regarding why you feel guilty, when you are used to doing nothing in situations like this, the one time you DO something and it turns out badly, you subconsciously blame yourself for the bad result. You need to remember that your part in it wasn't the bad part. So you have nothing to feel guilty about. Just because the end result was not good doesn't mean you are guilty of the end result. So, nix the guilt, girl!

[Amanda_1981]

Thank you ((((((((everyone)))))))) for your support. I am feeling better today and not as upset. I blocked him on facebook so that he can't send me anymore messages to upset me. I just don't need that kind of negative stuff in my life anymore. My friend knows my phone number so if she really and truly wants to talk to me again, it will be up to her to call, but I am not going to back down on what I said and be the pushover once again. I know who my true friends are.. they are the ones who have always stuck by me and I need to focus my attention on that instead.

Thanks again for helping me feel better everyone! I appreciate it! (((((((hugs))))))))