Do we suffer of CHOOSE to suffer?

Having a mental illness is not a choice. Is suffering from one a choice? I mean, I see 2 me's over the last several months. And no pats on the back here... I'm just using myself as an example. When I first came here, I was wallowing in my own misery. No therapy. No meds. Always wanting, always NEEDING the attention of everyone here in a sad attempt to make myself feel whole. I FEEL that I made a choice to stop suffering. I started seeing a therapist. I started a mix of meds. I planned a move that would make me happy. I quit drinking. I decided to get out and make some friends so I won't be lonely anymore. Now, as I said, I want absolutely no pats on the back. I just see 2 extremes in me. Sure I still get ups and downs from the bp disorder and sleepless nights and anxiety from the PTSD and wretched attention span from the ADHD. I honestly think it's how we deal with those feelings that counts... that determines whether or not we SUFFER. I'll always have BP/PTSD/ADHD but do I HAVE to suffer? IMHO, not at all. I'd like opinions on this if you have one.

Ry

I think you're absolutely right. You do have a choice to suffer all the time. Granted, we all suffer sometimes, no matter what our ailment. But we have the choice to deal with it and do the right things. The things that make us happy. I don't think we have to suffer. At least not all the time.

Rayna

Very good point Ray. I suppose you could say that I'm suffering now since I'm a bit down and lonely. But here's what I'm gonna do. Instead of sitting in it, I'm choosing to take a shower and get out of the house to go meet some people. Why? Because it's better than sitting alone. Thanks ((((((((((Ray))))))))))

Ry

Ryan, in spite of your mental illness, I've seldom seen anyone as together as you. You're right. You'll always have these illnesses but like you found out for yourself, you may have to "LIVE" with them, but YOU DON'T HAVE TO SUFFER with them.

I believe we all have choices and it is up to us if we want to suffer or feel good, some like the sympaty, I like the friends you have when ya feel good everyone wants to be around ya
Angie

Ryan,

I agree completely....the illness may always be with us & new things may pop up along lifes path. What is important is determining how we are going to live with them. If we let them control our lives or whether we control them is the most important decision we have to make.

Physical illnesses can be learned how to live with & still enjoy the wonderful things we have in life, why can't mental illnesses be handled the same way. An illness is an illness & we take care of it & control it he best we can & go on living the life we are given. Once we learn what it is that we are dealing with & how to care for it then we can go from there. Symptoms (physical &/or mental) will come up & we will have to handle them....it may mean adjusting meds, therapy, maybe even the hospital once in a while. We have to take care of them because that is just part of taking care of ourselves. It seems where we fail is to not look for the good things in our lives to focus on & dwell in the bad that happenes. We may get knocked down at times, but getting back up is the most important job of all.

It is important to remember that a diabetic, asthmatic, or similar, is not defined by their illness & we don't have to be either. It is there, we handle it & go on with life, not ignoring it, but not dwelling on it either. When we put things in their place in our lives, things seem to run smoother.

I know this is the philosophic Debbie speaking & not always the me...knowing & doing are sometimes very hard. But if it is the goal that is aimed for then it will be achieved.

Debbie

I agree. I do feel that it is a choice. I also think that there are set backs to be expected but that is part of the illness. I know for me, I have my ups and downs. You have seen them. LOL. But I try, everyday I try to hang in there and hope for a better tomorrow. Therapy is tough because dealing with my past is very hard but I also know that it is for the best. Well I will have to admit, I do wallow in self pity sometimes. I guess we all need to once in a while.

Anyway, enough of my babbling. Thank you Ry for making this thread.

I think that some people probably do choose to suffer, but that there are others who suffer and don't have a choice.

I don't think we can say that everyone who suffers chooses to do so. Some people have serious mental illness but no resources, some suffer because their meds are wrong, some because they have nobody who cares about them, etc.

Somebody, you make an interesting point as well. And I hope that what I'm about to say isn't taken the wrong way. I think that there are some that can't help but suffer. I'd say, though, that for many, the meds being wrong or no one caring about them is an excuse to continue suffering. I'm by NO means saying that everyone can just up and be happy. It doesn't work that way. I can say that meds can be adjusted... I know several people who went through numerous different med adjustments before getting the right dosage and combination. I know an individual who's doc wouldn't try diff meds so the doc got fired. In fact, a couple diff docs were fired by this individual before finding one that would listen and now this persons meds are right. As far as being alone goes... friends can be found. For me, it took admitting that I'm an alcoholic and going to AA. I found acceptance there. I also went to a BP and depression group therapy thing and made some friends there. People who care are out there... ya just have to find them. I mean, not everyone can just run to AA or some group therapy, but people who care are out there. It takes perseverence. I do, however, agree with the no resources point of view. And those are the few that I'm referring to that must suffer. I guess I'm saying that, IMVHO, the number of those that MUST suffer are so few and far between. I think that many of us, at one point or another, made excuses to not be happy. You know what's funny is that when I started making the positive changes in my life, I found myself wanting to hold onto feeling horrible. That's right. I wanted happiness but I had felt so bad for so long that I actually afraid to feel good. I just think that there's a solution to 99.9% of every problem that comes up... if you are determined to find it. I hope that nothing I said was offensive cause it wasn't meant to be. It's just the opinion of one mentally ill person. Lots of love.

Ry

Ry,

Nothing you said was offensive to me---and I hope you're right about 99.9% of every problem having a solution.

I'm glad you weren't offended. I come off as being very opinionated from time to time and I'm always worried that I'm going to say something offensive when no offense was intended. Thanks for the reassurance.

Ry

I do think that we need to keep in mind that not everyone is as strong as Ryan....so the process is completely different.

Some people are simply not able to do the things Ryan did. Persons with serious mental illness sometimes need more than just a positive attitude to get themselves to try several docs. Some are too afraid to leave their apartments. Sometimes being in therapy makes things worse before they can get better. Discussing childhood abuse, for instance can lead a person to run from therapy too soon. And some people spend so much time in-patient, that their steps ahead are really slow.

All I'm trying to say, is that to paint everyone with the same brush is just not, imo, possible. We are all SO very different when it comes to biology, psychological strengths/weaknesses, and our social environment. I would hate someone to read this thread and consider themselves a loser because they can't change their entire life around in 5 months like Ryan.

It's WONDERFUL that he was able to do this - but many people need more help to make these changes, and simply may not be at a stage where they can access these resources. They need our support and understanding. These are the people who I hold in my heart.

emmy

Ems... I think I was misunderstood. I'm by no means better. I still suffer. It's a process. I guess what I'm getting at is choosing the path to recovery vs not choosing it and continuing to try if something doesn't work. I'm not the member I was referring to about firing the docs. I've only had one pdoc and one t cause I got lucky. I did however have to have my meds changed once. And my life is FAR from turned around. It's just on the path. You make it sound as if I'm standing on some kind of high horse preaching down to everyone else. I suffer from pretty serious illness myself. Have you read my psychosis posts? What about my childhood abuse posts? That's right... abuse of every type survivor here. You make it sound as if making decisions to change my life was a cake walk. Let me tell ya hun, it was the exact opposite and I almost lost my life in the process. You should understand that I chose to suffer for 5 years before I made any kind of changes... before I even wanted to make any kind of changes. My whole attitude was one of wanting attention and needing others to bring me up cause I wouldn't, not couldn't, do it myself. This is what I was trying to avoid. I'm no role model and I don't want to be made out to be one or sound like I'm trying to be one.

Ry

I'm sorry if I am wrong in this, but I think the two of you may be talking at cross purposes. If I understood your original post, Ryan, the important thing is to be encouraged that there are resources, ways to get treatment and that taking action is better than not. On the other hand, I see emily's post as saying we may not all be ready to take best advantage of these resources. I don't see these views as mutually exclusive. On the contrary, I see them as complimentary opinions about the same subject. Sometimes, the hardest part is just taking the first step. But not always. Sometimes we step forward but it just seems to be too hard, so we try, give up, and hopefully, someday, try again. I'm sure you all understand another wrinkle in this: when you are really down it can be hard to get out of bed, let alone go out and do something about the way you feel. But when you're up, who thinks about getting treatment? (Not to say it doesn't happen, but it is clearly an issue for those with BP.) It can also be hard to ignore the lies your own brain tells you, i.e. that you aren't really sick, just a loser, or that so many others are worse off than you that you have no right to complain to anyone, particularly a mental heath professional. I would really love to see you two kiss and make up lol because I sincerely doubt either of you meant any criticism of the other or to contradict what each of you were saying.

All that having been said, I believe that, each in their own way, those who become regulars here have made that choice, but as you have said, Ryan, making the choice to do something about it does not provide an immediate end to suffering. It is merely a beginning.

Rebound, thanks for saying what I was trying to say. I'm not always good with words. You always have a wonderful insight and I'm glad you stopped in here. Thanks dear friend. Take care.

Ry

IMO if you choose to suffer and refuse the support and advise given by ppl, then you are putting the old adtadge (sp) "As you give so shall you recieve"
Please do not misunderstand me, I'am not saying everyone who suffers does so for attention, I have only seen 2 ppl that have acted this way
Angie

Isn't there also an "option" where you suffer, but do it the best you can??? I mean, changing our outlook might not take away the pain (which is still suffering...) It isn't like choosing to be in pain or not... or are we talking strictly psychological issues?