Sorry Syndrome

Not sure this is in the wrong place, please move if it is!

I'm am constantly in a state of "sorry". More than 90% of the time, an apology is not needed or warranted, from me anyway. Some of the gals around me tell me all the time I say sorry way too much. I've tried to do some research on the subject, but haven't found anything of real content to help.

I'll share a short and humorous (now) story from a few months ago. I was transferring some washed clothes into the dryer. I dropped a lonely sock on the ground, and bent down to pick it up off the floor. As I was getting back up, sock in hand, I looked at the sock at said "sorry".

Yeah, funny now. But kinda sad, too. Is there any logic behind this??

Help me, peeps.

Dee

Dee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

im the SAME way dee! always always always..idk why tho wish i culd help♥♥

I use to be the same way and now still kinda am. I have stopped saying sorry so much. Its just like breaking a habit.

If I noticed myself doing that I imagine I'd make a point of holding off for a while, see what came up for me, and try following it back to where it lived.

This is a habit that drove my husband nuts! As I started to heal, I found the need to say sorry for stuff that didn't really require it became a bit less. Sorry, I am not of much help here, but you are not alone!

The quickest way to discharge a habit is to control it. I think a very powerful way of controlling a habit is to go totally overboard on it (for some habits, anyway).

This is going to sound ridiculous, I guess... for example, the next time you accidentally drop a sock and find yourself apologizing to it, don't stop there. THe moment you realize that nobody needed that "sorry", launch into an extremely sincere speech about how you know the sock already has already been having a hard life and that it's a most grievous injustice you just did to it and you'd really like to start over and be its friend, and so on. The sillier you can make it, the better. Getting theatrical sounds like a good start.

I guess that won't work in all situations. Sometimes there might not be enough room for that much silliness. The next best thing is to do something silly in your mind. Picture yourself falling on your knees before the object of your apology, and solemnly singing the hymn of repentance.

It will help to get very, very creative here. Make up something new every time you catch yourself saying sorry in a situation where it's rather pointless, and always make it outrageously weird. This way you'll be sure to become aware of what you're doing, which is the whole point of this exercise.

In short:
Check if your "sorry" was warranted or not. If not, do silly things. Very silly things.

Have you ever heard the phrase "laughing it off"? That's what this is, and the acting silly part make the laughing part way easier.

There is absolutely zero benefit in feeling bad about yourself for the way you were behaving... which is probably what you were doing until now whenever you caught yourself apologizing needlessly. Well, no more of that! You are now doing it by choice, in order to change a habit. When, perhaps, the "superfluous sorry" (hey, that's an alliteration, isn't it? Let's trademark the term! Then you can sell it and be rich!) used to be something bad, it's now being used against itself, which, in a way, makes it something good.

Good luck and, optimally, have fun!
Incidentally, now I'm going to walk my talk and use the same kind of approach on a stupid habit of my own. We can compare notes later on.

I don't have much to offer right now in regards to the apologizing. I do this from time to time too. I notice I go through it in stages.

Regardless of the apologizing constantly I did want to say that I hold a lot of respect for those that have compassion for the lonely socks. Many times a day I will do similar things. Like I will not leave a lone ice cube in the ice tray...I will use it. Not because I might as well, but because I do not want it to be alone and I want it to feel worthy of being an ice cube.

I don't know...? Maybe it is some kind of hyper-empathy thing?

Do you find you pick up on others emotions quite easily?

Take care

I am just the same, I am always saying sorry even when I am alone, if I sneeze, cough, God forbid burp, I automatically say sorry. Whenever something happens to people I also say I am sorry, my boyfriend used to ask me if I thought I was so powerful that it was my fault if something bad happened to people. I believe I was raised to be polite to a fault and also I have a lot of compassion and I am very sensitive to other people's feelings. We are who we are and frankly I think it is much better to say we are sorry than never saying it like a lot of people out there.
You are not alone

It's just a habit. like any other habit you can break it, it's just gonna take some time. Good luck!

I'm glad I'm not the only one.... I must say sorry at least 20 times a day.

First of all I do not know if to be polite implies or means to care of others or not. You are not alone :-)
I think that is one to be polite carrying about (others and yourself) and when you see that you have done something, by mistake (involuntary or it is simply socially perceived as a mistake in that time, space, etc) to say "sorry".
And it is different to say “sorry” (or go in church and have a confession or light a candle) because it is expected. Somehow we become automatically "hypocrite"... Like “I respect the rules, I am “civilized” but actually I do not care and I could use that "sorry" whenever I repeat the same mistakes.

I think that if we do not make efforts to be different - more careful, to pay more attention, broke a bad habit that make us do that mistake in that type of situation - there is no real "sorry" involved. And politeness means no good thing for me in that case because is just covering the problem and my fault!

You are lucky to have someone to attract your attention when you are wrong in such a nice-smart way: "my boyfriend used to ask me if I thought I was so powerful that it was my fault if something bad happened to people."

Till then I'll go on being and saying "sorry" for a lot of things without being able to see when I bother, annoy, harm others or I have problems with my self and therefore say "sorry" when I drop a "sock" or hit a door :-)

I do this too It's like I'm so afraid of confrontation that I constantly apologize for the smallest things.

Wow, what great responses. Thanks one and all.

I'm still a bit miffed. I think it has alot to do with avoiding confrontation. I'm not constantly doing "real" things wrong that warrant an apology. I'm saying sorry before I THINK I might bump into someone, I'm saying sorry if I THINK I might me in someones way. And well the little ole sock..thats just so he wouldnt be mad at me

It probably stems from my horribly abusive childhood and adolescence. Always saying you're sorry when you know they are gonna beat the crap out of you, trying to avoid that...

You all are the best, thanks so much


Dee