I Live in the Past Because...

It all started in middle school. I was separated from friends I knew throughout elementary school. I didn't like making new friends. So I tried talking to people that are beyond my social class (the popularity kids), but still deny that they are out of my league to talk to because I grew up talking to "that kind". I didn't have confidence to approach any of the popular kids, so I IMed them through AIM. As a result, I was considered a stalker, or weird. I was so caught up in trying to fit that I forged a $300 check in my dad's name. I say this as trying to fit in because this check was for a band fundraiser and the team (made of 3-5 people) w/the most money goes in a limo to get pizza. I couldn't pass up this opp. I faced a year in jail, but my parents didn't allow that to happen. After all this went down, therapy began. I'm 19 and I've been thru several because I know my parents are doing this to torture me (don't reply saying they aren't, doesn't work). Then came high school. I wasn't fitting in like I wanted, so I tried something new to fit in...being the center of attention. The only way I thought to grab someone's attention and make myself feel wanted (growing up I never got attention) was to go thru depression. At first I was like, "Ok, it's working," but later down the road I was permanently depressed. Middle school thru high school were my "Dark Ages" and I'm still in that age b/c of my past. I did a lot more stuff that was deviant than what I put here. Because of these 6 years of self identity problems, I've isolated myself. I'm harder to get to know. I don't try as hard to meet someone (in fact, I don't want to meet anyone).

Hello, cer1989. Thanks for telling us a bit about yourself. May you benefit from the time you spend here.

Hi Ja cer1989
<Smile>
A welcome hug.
I too hope that you benefit from the time you spend here.
HazyDazy