[thunderbear]

As you al know, my son is in Boy Scouts. Well since kindergarten, he has had this little friend I'll call Samantha. They have always been close. He wold go to her house for her birthday parties, play with her big brother. And they were so cute they wold be the two in the whole class that you always knew were together. They were best friends. Her parents liked my son and my family. Well Samantha's dad is the chairman of our Boy Scout group. I'll call him Dave. Well one day my son came home form school upset and said he could'nt play with Samantha anymore because her parents did'nt like him. Apparently they think he is bratty and don't want him around their kids. Well Samantha is having a big birthday party at her home and this year my son did'nt get an invitation. All the kids are going tomarrow and talked about it all day today and my son is being left out. Simply because he is a "brat". My son has ADHD and yes he is sometimes hard to handle but for those parents to be like this to my son infuriates me. It is making me so mad I am going to call our cubmaster and pull my kid out of boyscouts. These people there will not talk to me. When we have get togethers all the women sit together and they'll look at me and talk low to where I can't hear them. And more than once I caught them throwing dirty looks to my son. This town is full of snotty people. They think they are better than other people because they make good money and go to church and PTA. And they look down on people that are'nt origanally from here. I makes my husband mad too. He has known these people his whole life went to school with them and he told me that they don't have no reson to think they are better than anyone else. That they have done and some still do things that they would'nt be proud of. And they are'nt better than anyone else. I hate going to the only store in town. Because some of them are always there sittin at the tables drinking coffee and gossiping about everyone else. They stare at me when they see me. If I walk by the ladies at scouts they all get quiet. One time I sat down at the same table as 3 of them and the went so far as to get up and move.
I am such an outsider here. These people make me feel like there is something wrong with me and my son. As soon as we get up on our feet, we're out of here. It's just dealing with these people until then.

How sad and petty. Hold your head up, thunderbear, and hug that son of yours.

[eskielover]

Thunderbear,

How sad that the people in your town are such snots. Like you, I can't imagine living in anyplace that treated me that way....it's a good goal to have is to get out of there.

It's strange because sometimes places that aren't good for us turn out to be that way & are the perfect incentive to make sure we move out ASAP.

I am surprised as I have found the people of Kentucky in my town (many have live here all their lives too) are the warmest people I have ever met. They have taken me in as a friend & have accepted me being from way outside of here. Of course there is one lady in the church I belong to that is the most huge snob I have ever met. It is strange because in my eyes & from where she came from she is rather a nobody....so I really don't know what her story is.....the first time I felt that from her, it was like being back in junior high, trying to find my position in the group with all the snobby girls that I didn't want to have anything to do with anyway. So I have nothing to do with this lady either.....but she is the only one that I have ever found to be this way here. It is strange because even the way higher class people who have donated their land to the city part have been the most wonderful friendly people to me....not like we are close friends or anything but they are kind & we talk when we see each other in town or at functions.

I really thought all KY people were this way.....rather a shock to hear what your town is like....guess it's by the grace of God that I ended up where I did.....I just sort of shut my eyes & picked when I came here...lol. No friends of family & have had nothing but wonderful experiences.

Maybe you need to move up north a bit where no one knows your family or anything.....get a fresh start with no preconceived thoughts.

Know how sad your son must feel being left out because of such irrational thinking......ggrrrrrrr!!!!!!!

Taking him out of the scouts program wouldn't really help the situation even though your feel like it....think that might only hurt your son more....he does need the social interface to grow with & to learn the social graces of being around other children his age. It wouldn't reall make the statement you would want it to & he doesn't need to be any more isolated than what is already happening.

From an older Mother's perspective,
Debbie

I agree with Debbie, this is one of those defining moments in your life sweetie where you can rise above that petty, mean spirited attitude....to go and yank your son out of scouting would be harmful to him, he needs to socialize and learn...you don't want to become like them either, do you? Those people could have misery and stresses you just have no idea of, that make it just easier for them to mock and deride others, so they don't have to look at the mess their life is in.

Stay strong, stay true to yourself. BE BETTER than they are, do not sink to their level...hold youre head high, always be pleasant, never show they are getting to you...only makes them more vicious and more inclined to keep hurting you. They get sick perverse thrills out of causing others misery..... just don't become one of them.

I know being a mom is a full time job, and you might work besides, but maybe there is someplace close by where you can volunteer and meet nicer souls. So often any place needing volunteers is a ripe juicy place where other really nice people who like to be helpful show up and make a new circle of friends there.... see if there is a mother's support group or any kind of support group for any of the issues you are dealing with. You will meet people more inclined to understand the situation you are in. Don't give up and don't stoop to their level....be a lady, you will be glad in the future that you never let them defeat you.

[tonih]

I had a close friend who was a master at turning people's behavior around. Instead of having these folks whisper behind your back, turn the tables on them. Go to the scoutmaster and those who are "gossiping" and ask for their help and advice as to how they would handle your son's behavior. First, it will let them know that you are fully aware of their snide comments. Second, it will shock the crap outta them . third, it gives them nowhere to go with the gossip. Involve them. You just might be surprised at the change in their behavior. good luck!

I had it for years so did my son, he was/is ADHD and was never invited to birthday partys while his brother who is a year older was invited everywhere to sleep overs to partys to clubs you name he he was a social butterfly, it made it hard work for me.

I became one of the scout leaders so they couldnt talk about him too much there however after going camping while seven months pregnant and being told if I didn't go then he couldn't as they was not willing to make any allowences and keep an extra eye on him for me, even though I had been a scout leader for over two years.

They was no help at all.

They was aware of my marriage (which was bad) they was aware of his problems and his medication but still not interested.

I left in the end as another pregnancy stopped me from carrying on so I removed Christian from it and got into debt for a swimming pool which was a life saver.

Suddenly he was being invited places and kids wanted to come to my house.

It annoyed me but I put up with it as I loved my son so I smiled at the parents who was talking about me and him and acted as if nothing mattered.

It helped my son who was totaly oblivious to the fact they only wanted to be his mates to swim in the pool.

At school I was ignored by all the parents as if one talked to me the others would of ignored her (this happened once and she said sorry but couldnt take the ignoring).

I would have a party for Christian and no one would attend I mean no one. So we made our own fun and had a family party for him.

I must of done somthing wrong as he ended up in prison so all the meds all the hospital appts all the extra time spent with him was for nothing.

Give your son a from me and tell him someone in Scotland is saying a prayer for him and his mum tonight.

Trish.

I would do the same things again.

[youOme]

I live in a very small town in West Virginia where everybody and their mama knows everyone. I'm originally from Indiana and did not go to high school here, so I'm kinda an outsider too. I've adjusted over the 7 years I have been here, but occasionally I get that "you're a yankee" glare.

I wouldn't let them drive you from your home. I'd fight back. Don't let them think they can bother you. Eventually it will stop. I used to live in this VERY small town deep in the woods, called Helen West Virginia... literally everyone was kin. For some reason when I first moved there my landlords daughter hated me, for no damn reason. Thus the rest of the town hated me too. It got so bad that they broke into my apartment, into my car... threatened me.. all sorts of stuff. But I didn't let it drive me away. I paid my rent, kept my mouth shut, but kept my head up (not showing fear), and eventually they left me alone. I even made a couple friends by the end of it.

It's hard when your kid is involved, I know... but running away is not the answer. Keep trying to talk to them, keep demanding their attention.

[KathyM]

((Thunderbear))

I like Tonih's idea about involving them. It might jumpstart their compassion - maybe not.

We had very similar problems when my son was growing up, only ours was racial - we live in an all-white community, and my son is half-black, my husband is Mexican/Mayan/Pima Indian. It ticked me off too because I grew up here - this is MY community.

In grade school, my son got involved in our district's football team. My husband and I attended all the games and practices. None of the parents would sit with us, even though I had grown up with some of the parents. They would distance themselves, then whisper, look at us, then look at our son.

During the summertime he'd get invited to play at the park, but it was only because the boys wanted to throw urine at him and call him names. When we'd confront the parents, they were just as brutal. When we notified the police after receiving a death threat, we were told it was just "kid stuff."

I'm sorry your neighbors are so petty Chances are they would like to see you gone. It would be their victory. The next time you go to the store and see those ladies whispering about you, hold your head up high, stand tall, and flash them a big smile. Your space in that community is just as important as theirs. Don't let them win.

[Naturefreak]

(((Thunderbear)))

I stood tall I smiled at them I talked to them and all it did was cause stress.

I got divorced and remarried and the talk was then about that and you know what ? I had enough I moved after nearly 10 years of the tall standing and smiling I gave in.

And it was the best thing I ever did.

I am stress free. Just the odd bit of spite because we are 'incomers' a term used for people not from around here but its minor and does not affect the children.

[thunderbear]

Originally Posted by Tishie

I must of done somthing wrong as he ended up in prison so all the meds all the hospital appts all the extra time spent with him was for nothing.

Give your son a from me and tell him someone in Scotland is saying a prayer for him and his mum tonight.

Trish.

I would do the same things again.

((((((Tishie))))))
You did'nt do anything wrong in raising your son. It sounds to me like you are a very good mother. My mom told me when I had my first son and I was worried about how I raised him, she said that we raise them and teach them right from wrong, send themout into the world. And what they do or don't do does not reflect on how we raised them but is the result of their own choices. Hugs to you and I'll give my boy some hugs from Scotland. Thanks for your prayers You and your son will be in mine.

ugh, that happened to me an one of my friends once. Now he is no angel and has his own behavior issues but this woman's child wasn't exactly nice either, even if we were minding our own business she'd try to instigate things. Well, this mom was apparently sick of him (because she told on him for calling her "stupid" twice... though there is more behind this but I wasn't there it witness it) and started screaming and yelling not to talk to her, not to go near her, she didn't even want him to look at her. And if he did she was going to call the cops. And well, I didn't want to get in the middle of things but never before have I felt so MAD at another adult in my entire life and wanted to just yell at her what exactly she'd think the cops would do if she called them? They'd laugh at her for calling them over a boy calling her daughter "stupid" (after mind you she was picking on him and saying in that nasty tone he had no friends around here) he is like... 9 years old.