[dayzee9]

help! (and please excuse my left shift key, my hubby spilled wine on our keyboard...now it sticks1)

It's 0400; i wasn't sure where to post this......i am a total basketcase (some of you knew that already1)PANIC!!!

Just last week, an old friend who i haven't seen in 20 years suddenly just popped up out of nowhere (we used to work on a "teen hotline' together0......when she saw me last, i was severely ana....i've gone up & down so many times over the years i probably have more 'stretch marks' than a woman who had 14 kids1 & now i cannot even sleep....we just suddenly connected & today at Noon, we're suppose to be 'reunited' & go out to eat..........well, i have an eating disorder and right now i'm on the heavier side....i am mortified what she's going to think and/or say

i mean, she's had 2 kids who are teenagers already; i don't know how to act around her!!! PANIC PANIC

she told me via e-mail that we got together after SHE got out of the Army.....Problem/? I don't remember her going in...the last time I remember seeing her, i was being sworn in, and she was there but they wouldn't take her b/c she weighed too much....she said we got together & have no idea what we discussed or anything (d/t 80+ ECT's & being MPD/DID, there are huge holes...even periods of years...i don't remember0 i know that she doesn't know about my years on the patient's side of the PSYCH unit desk....but how am i going to explain why/how my ENTIRE left forearm is nothing but a wasteland of mottled skin caused by thousands of cigarette burns (self-inflicted0
Why don't i have ANY of my own real teeth (bulimia)....trying to keep from saying 'we', in the 3rd person/? instead of 'I'? how i managed to become a psych nurse after she sees me// Why do i still smoke when a another friend we have in common who ran into her told her that I have COPD?? AAiiiiieeeeeeeee1!!!!!

So, here's me after a week of 'porking out' i didn't know that we were going to 'reunite'....since i've been abusing laxatives, my stomach is extremely bloated out....i cannot sleep......sitting here drinking water by the gallon

we're supposed to go out & EAT????

I'm losing it fast....the sun will be coming up in 1 1/2 hours...i've been extremely agoraphobic for the past 3 weeks, even been cancelling appts. w/ my t1!!

i want to find a rock & slither under it; but i couldn't b/c I'm soooooo bloated out! i'm going out of my mind!! i don't have a lot of close friends......we used to be....but i'm so afraid that when she sees me & we talk over lunch i will never hear from her again..........

i'm losin it1 DAYZEE9

[nothemama8]

Okay ya calm down first, take a deep breathe, then ya practice what ya preach, meaning think how would you answer one of us in this situation, then use that common sense of yours, for all you know she may have changed alot too, don't let this freak you out. Your still a very smart psych nurse, now with a better understanding because you have walked the walk, if she can't except the changes then she's not the friend you need
Angie

[wi_fighter]

I agree.

It's not going to be an overly hot day in Cheeseland today. You can get away with long sleeves so she can't see your arm. That takes care of one worry.

It's been 20 years. You're not supposed to be the same person you were back then, neither is she. She probably has some skeletons in her own closet that she's afraid you'll find out (or thinks you already know). And I bet she's just as afraid about what to say to you.

Let's see....as far as the kids thing. OK, so you can't relate personally, but you were once a teen and they're going through pretty much the same things we did back then, so you can sympathize that way.

Teeth. Unless you're going to be flapping your dentures out in that lewd, old man way, she probably won't notice. Unless of course they're some really nice fakes and she's jealous.

Tell her that you're nervous and your stomach is in knots, and would a coffee shop do instead? You could just get something to sip and she could still get something light to eat. I think it would be easier to talk while doing that than during a full meal and you wouldn't have to fake trying to eat.

Hope that helps a little.

[Schatze]

Hi dayzee9, perhaps if you're this uncomfortable you should postpone the lunch until you've had a little more time to determine if you want to go. This seems to be causing a good deal of panic and you might wait to meet her for lunch when you are ready and have had time to think this through...are are sure you want to put yourself through this today?

Maybe if you reschedule the lunch for a time when you are prepared, it will go smoother. I'm a recluse due to PTSD and I understand how these "outtings" can cause severe panic attacks. If you're counting down the hours, this may not be a good thing for you to tackle this today. I would call her and be honest and give her just a little bit of insight as to what you are going through and tell her you would like to reschedule for when you can feel more comfortable. If she's worked the teen crisis line she will certainly understand.

I don't want to change your mind if this is something you want to do, but if you are truly this panicked it may be a good idea to just simply postpone until you are feeling less panicked. I'm so sorry you are feeling this right now. I know how unsettling it can be to venture out into the world under stressful situations. Sometimes it hard for me to venture out to go get milk. I know I wouldn't be strong enough right now to reunite a 20 year old relationship.

Would it be easier on you if you were to invite her over to your house for a bite to eat so you could talk to here there? You would be in the comfort of your own home that way. I think if you invited her over and told her what you were going through, she would suggest something different than lunch. Maybe a little window shopping together would be nice.

I'm so sorry you're going through this and I completely understand what you are going through. Hang in there and I hope your posting about it relieves some of the panic.

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((big hugz))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Missi

[wi_fighter]

I'm just bringing this back to the top for Dayzee in case she shows up later.

[Parker10]

I wanna know how the lunch went !! I hope and pray that you went , and had a great time !

[goofygirl]

(((((((((((Dayzee)))))))))))))-
I freak out whenever I see anyone from the high school years... I got kicked out senior year, had a flipping stroke, and have run into former classmates in the psych ward... they were on the other side of the glass as nurses and techs.
Everybody collects their own fair share of skeletons... I thinka lot of the above suggestions are quite good. Do what feels right to you... "To thine own self be true".

I hope you come back!

[dayzee9]

Thanks for the support people!!

UPDATE: The lunch went excellent & I believe I have a rekindled friendship! I just pray that my agoraphobia (even towards phones) doesn't ruin it......it has before! But, w. your support, I really appreciate it, guys!

DAYZEE

[Mahali]

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