[Renovation]

I have been a little bit down the last couple of days. Things are starting to look up on the employment front. I might have an income-opportunity starting in late February. The possibility of not being able to generate income has been a huge stressor. I am trying to relaunch my business but am dependent on a few other people and it's still not certain whether or not they will be involved. So far they are telling me they will be but it's not a given. I'll know next week. I have to remain optimistic.

The struggle I have had the last couple of days is around being productive. I have actually been pretty productive. I have a list of "work-related" projects and I work toward them everyday and try to get at least a couple accomplished every day. My problem is that I feel guilty that I should be doing more "work" and feel guilty when I do "non-work" stuff like post here or clean the house or do my vocabulary exercises. But doing those things makes me feel good and the reality is that I often "work" in the evenings and on the weekends, so today I am going to give myself a break. I allowed myself to go to the gym. I had a great workout, a nice conversation with a close friend from the gym, and took a long hot shower, which felt great. I then went to the grocery store and then had breakfast. I have spent the last hour checking my email, posting to my workout and diet log and writing down my diet plan as well as reading some postings and articles on this site. I am now going to clean the house, shouldn't take me longer than an hour. I'll put on some nice, uplifting music and get the place tidied up, which always makes me feel good. Maybe I'll go out and treat myself to an inexpensive but tasty lunch. I'll then do my various "brain fitness" exercises and maybe read some inspirational literature. I'll get myself organized, work on a project that's top of mind and maybe watch a movie I rented. Maybe I'll write in my journal or come back here and write some more. I need to cut myself some slack and trust that I am hard-working and willing to put in whatever the amount of time and effort to get a job done. Being unemployed, I now have some time on my hands and I shouldn't feel guilty because I might want to use some of it to do enjoyable activities. I need to look at this time as a gift from God and use it to transition to fully realizing my capabilities, spiritually, emotionally, intellectually and physically. I will based on my internal drive work toward finding a fulfilling income-generating opportunity, whether that be my own business or getting a job. I have good prospects for both, and I increase the possibility of maximizing both of these opportunities by putting myself in a positive frame of mind.

Thank you PC for giving me a place where I can share my innermost feelings!

Renovation, congratulations for all you have been able to accomplish under trying circumstances. Instead of carrying around a maul to bludgeon yourself, how about pausing every now and then to tell yourself, "Self, you have done good!".