Clearing up a few things...

I think this is sorely needed...

(Q) Are you taking the advice of people on this board or just blowing them off?

(A) Yes, I sure am. In fact, I spent several hours with a dear freind of mine here on IM's and worked through many of my issues. I've also got an appointment to get an EKG, Cardiac Study, MVP test and a C-Spine MRI in a few weeks to rule out any physical causes of my anxiety. I also got a refil on my meds (Lorazepam) and a new one, Effexor.

(Q) Do you admit that you have anxiety?

(A) You bet!. I've had it for many, many years. I am a veteran at all the ER visits, tests, etc. I've been there and back again with this thing. I also think that part of the reason I feel the way I do most of the time is due to benzo withdrawal and rebound anxiety. Yes, I think that is a big part of the puzzle because I know how benzos work (oh my do I know!). But yes, I confess, I have had numerous diagnoses from countless doctors saying that I suffer from GAD, PA's, Depression, Hypo, OCD, etc. Guilty as charged!.

(Q) Why do you keep complaining about your anxiety over and over again when everyone has already told you that you are suffering from anxiety and not some horrible disease?

(A) This is probably due to my OCD and the constant need for reassurance (ie; reassurance-seeking behavior). So I have a problem, post about it, get my "fix" (in the form of replies) and then I'm sort of ok until the next time. Of course, noone but a licensed physician can really tell me wether I have a "real" disease or not so I'll wait for the test results to come back (which will not be diagnostic for EVERYTHING) but WILL rule out a few major things.

(Q) Why are'nt you answering my PM's/IM's...I'm trying to help you!!

(A) You know, it's really tough when you have someone who wants to help you but your at work, on another computer, do not have an IM client installed and your just under a lot of pressure and don't really want to hurt the person's feelings by saying "no, I can't talk now". You don't want them to feel rejected but what can you do?. I have a life too. I run a business, I work, I live on a farm and have animals that need tended to, I have bills to pay, groceries to shop for, programming and lots of other computer work to do (I run three large site). It's just not that easy to break away and chat all the time.

(Q) So how have you felt today?

(A) Well, my morning was rough but I took a 1mg Lorazepam and the rest of the day I've felt really calm and relaxed. I've got lots of refills left and other meds I can take as well but I'd really like to taper down and get on something more permenant (like the Effexor). I've been submitting my new Anxiety Diary program to software sites all day and shopping for hurricane supplies. I livein Florida and they are predicting some really severe ones this time around!.

(Q) Who the heck is "Bill"?

(A) Someone asked me this earlier (although not in those exact terms). Now that I think about it, When I first opened an account here I used the name "Tim" (my real name) but then one day things got a little heated and so I decided to open a new account (to get a fresh start) and I used the name "Bill". Then, for whatever reason, I switched back to Tim again and have been using my real name ever since.

(Q) Instead of posting about your own problems all the time, how about helping other people with their's once in awhile?

(A) So true. I really am guilty of this more and more lately. In the beginning (and still, every once in awhile when I can muster up the strength) I try to go down the list and answer as many posts as I can (ones that I have an answer to anyway). Lately though, it's been tough for me because I have been so consumed by anxiety and related probs.

(Q) Why did you get upset and put me on ignore earlier (you know who you are)

(A) Sorry, probably an overreaction on my part. This morning was like Murphy's law to the *nth power. I mean, everything was going horribly wrong, my stress and anxiety were building up, people were PM'ing and IM'g me wanting to talk, asking questions and I could'nt respond and I was feeling misunderstood and so many things I had to get done (under lots of pressure), customers calling, etc. My life can get really hectic and I think I need a vacation sometimes.

Well, I guess that's it for now. Everything is fine, I am dilligently working with my doctor and others and I really DO read and take intio account every post, reply and piece of advice I recieve and never take them for granted because good advice and good friends are just too hard to find these days

GG, did your physician tell you about withdrawal from EffexorXR? is it XR, that you were prescribed? it is very difficult to come off of. i thought i was going to die and i tapered down by counting the little balls inside the capsule. that's how careful my pharmacist and i were. my head felt like it had rocks in it and they were grinding against one another. be sure you are clear about the med..because someday you might want to change or even go off of it. pat

Hi Greygoose -- that was a really good, honest post. I haven't really talked to you much, but I appreciate your forthrightness. I know that you suffer much and I'm sad for you about it.

One small comment is with regard to the unanswered PMs. We're all busy - so if someone takes the time to write you, you really should take the time to respond, if only briefly.

Best of luck and say hi to your goose for me!

Gee, I'm lost for words, but I am sending you positive energies. . .hope they arrive soon

DE

(((((((((((((( Grey ))))))))))))))))

Hi fayerody

I just realized that I made a mistake when I clumped effexor in with my "refills" (only the Lorazepam was a refill - the Effexor was actually a new med). I went back in and corrected it just now.

I was on Effexor about 12 years ago along with a slew of other drugs I was getting from 3-4 different doctors and ER's at the time. It all started when a new neighbor moved in next door to us (where we used to live). Very soon I became good freinds with this new neighbor and we went places together, ate at each other's houses, visited, talked until late at night, etc.

Once day we were talking and he "confessed" to me that he was gay. While I'm not gay myself, I told him that that would'nt affect our friendship in any way. Then, over a period of many months in which he repeatedly tried to seduce me, he began telling me some really bizarre things like how he had slept with over 1,000 other guys and how he would slip his semen into their coffee and do other very odd things.

As time went on, he really started playing some serious head games with me (I assume to frighten me because I would'nt have relations with him). Anyway, I soon became convinced that he slipped some of his semen into MY coffee, that I had AIDS and was going to DIE.

I was'nt on the internet at the time but I did have an old medical manual and I poured through it daily and guess what?...I had ALL the symptoms!. I went to doctor after doctor over a period of months. I was a house-hold name at the ER and I had shoeboxes full of tests and was taking GOBS of different pills that various doctors had prescribed. I had brain shocks, fatigue, horrible nighmares, was suicidal, could'nt eat, lost a lot of weight and became as helpless as a newborn infant. I was having a nervous breakdown. I did'nt know from one moment to the next wether I was having a side effect from one med or withdrawaling from another or what the heck was going on. In fact, I'd never even HEARD of GAD, OCD, Panic, etc at the time. I just knew that I was going to die.

Then I had an HIV test. And another one. and another...and another. I convinced, bribed, threatened everyone I knew to have the test too and we ALL came back negative.

Now, that was the worst experience I have ever had to go through in my entire life and that is the very abbreviated version of the story.

Anyway, back to the Effexor. Yes, I have read that the withdrawl from it is absolutely horrible but I was on it for a month and then switched over to Paxil 12 years ago and now that you mention it, perhaps this is part of the reason I felt so bad back then (side effects and withdrawl). I do remember after about a month, the Effexor made me feel really euphoric and happy but then I discontinued it which may explain some of the weird sensations I had at the time. the head shocks were the worst!.

Oh I'm sorry Pat (forgot to answer your question)...this is regular Effexor (75mg tabs) that the doc gave me a few days ago (not the XR).

(((((((((((((GREYGOOSE)))))))))))))))

I think, well, I shouls say that many ppl in our shoes who suffer from mental illness find it difficult to ask for help or to describe what is going on with them for fear of what others might think, or embarressment. I commend you on your willingness to come forward and to express how your feeling and ask for help. To me, I dont think you should reply to another persons post and offer help if you do not feel that you can offer help or feel your up to it. It's ok.
I currently take effexor xr. I started several months ago and had issues with certain side effects that did go away with in a few days after. I currently take 187.5 mgs and feel really good about the dose and how I'm feeling. It has helped my depression and anxiety so much. I hope you get the same results that I have. Pat has mentioned the withdraw. I have heard about the withdraw from Effexor XR, however, personally I have not experienced it. I think those are questions that you should ask your physician.

I am so proud that you have taken these steps. I know how difficult it is. I understand your constant need for reassurance as well. I do that myself. This damn OCD. Please take care GG and please keep us posted. Much love.

jmo531 - Just wondering...how long did it take before you felt the first beneficial effects of the Effexor and what side affects did you have?. I'm really wanting to try this again but all the stories I've heard...

Well, I started on the 37.5 mgs back in December. About a week later I began taking the 75 mg pills. I didnt up the dose again until about the end of January to 112.5 mgs. On February 14th I upped the dosage again to 150mgs. I started my dose of 187.5 about 3-4 weeks ago. In the beginning of starting the effexor xr, I was going through a very deep depression and having constant panic attacks. I mean constant. I wasnt sleeping. I wasnt eating. I was so tired that I actually went into in ER and asked to be commited because I was so afraid of what was happening with me. I am so embarresed to speak about this now. I mean, I think that time period was the absolute lowest I had ever felt in my life.

Anyway, because I have severe anxiety and my OCD has me terrified of medications I had to increase my dosage very slowly. About every 5-6 weeks I would up to the next dose. Each time I upped the dose, I experienced periods of anxiety that last for a few hours but I am not sure if that is because I was already axious about the medication itself. I had some sleep problems and definitly lost my appetite. After about a week or so, my body was used to the medication and I was pretty much back on a regular schedule. I have to say that with this last dosage increase, I have had virtually no intrusive thoughts associated with my OCD and for that I have to thank my T and PDoc for getting me on the right track. Despite my severe anxiety and fear of meds, to me, I had "NO CHOICE" but to take the meds because I knew I could no longer live the way I was living or feel the way I was feeling. I think the medication has given me the benefit of clearer thought and I know that I am less tense and wound up. I feel like I can actually relax. I mean really relax. This is not to say that I dont have my days. Because we all still have the questionable days. I think I can just deal with them better. I also take ativan on an as needed basis but I rarely need to take it.

I also remember having some really vivid dreams in the beginning of starting the effexor xr, that also went away with in a few days to a week. That was only initially. It did not happen with the increased dosage.
I am the type of person to notice every little weird feeling I have after taking a medication. I just would journal everything and tell my T and PDoc. I cant report that I had anything unbearable.

I hope I have helped you. Take care and please keep me posted.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{GREYGOOSE}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
do not know anything about the meds your on I am on something totally different. I just wanted you to know I read your post and I care and was thinking about you and wishing you the best......I honestly do not know what to say other then we are here for you and we are listening so keep posting.....take care dear friend and know that your loved here.

hey grey (((hugs))) don't just love it when others are more apt to judge than to support? I hope you have an easier time of things now... good to see you posting.