Toddlers, Tierras, and Beauty Pageants

LOL Garden - though it's not much different than neighbors who sunbathe, wash their cars, hang laundry, and work in the garden in their bikinis or tube tops and short-shorts.

When I was in Finland around aged 13, my same-age female cousin and her female friend took me to their favorite isolated spot to swim. They both laughed at me because I wouldn't remove my swimsuit to swim OR sunbathe. They wondered what it was I was trying to hide from them....or the sun.

When adult Finnish relatives came to visit us here in the states (early 1970s), they traveled down to Florida on their own. They took one look at the ocean and couldn't resist the urge to go swimming. They removed their clothing and jumped in, but the lifeguard started yelling at them. It took quite a while for the situation to be resolved. My cousins couldn't speak English, and the lifeguard couldn't speak Finnish.

I haven't read all the posts in this thread due to some things I want to get done tonight, but I wanted to add a quick response.

I think these children's beauty pageants where they're dressed up like little women are ridiculous, and basically share the opinions of many of you. Yesterday on The Tyra Banks Show, they had these five little girls, around the age of 10, all who hated how they looked. One girl thought her brown skin was ugly and wants to bleach it, and almost all hated everything--eyes, nose, mouth--about each of their faces. One girl literally skips meals because she's not fat, but she has round cheeks and wants to thin them out! She was 9, I think! It breaks my heart.

I remember watching Wife Swap once, and a mom who wouldn't allow junk food, tv, or any sort of competition swapped with a pageant mom who does eat a lot of junk food, everyone has their own tv, etc. As part of the rules change the pageant mom entered the daughter in a beauty pageant, but the pageants I saw on that show weren't nearly as disturbing as "Toddlers and Tiaras" while she was dolled up it wasn't nearly to the extent of toddlers and tiaras (in fact what came to mind was "girl going to prom" rather then toddlers and tiaras which the first thing that came to mind was "pedophile fuel") she didn't win, but she liked it and actually wanted to do it again... and no, she wasn't "brainwashed" to do this either. Based on what I've seen her own two daughters who have been in multiple pageants have won and lost plenty of times, but don't feel bad about losing. All around the girls had fun dressing up and looking pretty, and it seemed like it was a positive influence on their lives because they built self confidence, knows what it is like to win and lose, and don't really take the loses personally. Granted, maybe it does affect them personally however if it did the girls didn't give any sort of indication of it to the cameras or their parents.

What I'm trying to say is that I think toddlers and tiaras are the extreme, because that's what draws people in to watch the show in the first place. I'm not really for or against pageants but this demonizing of beauty pageants in this thread seems to be getting out of hand. I'm sure there are plenty of pageants out there where little girls aren't being sexualized and the competitors actually want to be in pageants and don't have damaged self-esteem and body image because of it.

I believe that is Toddlers and Tiaras. Tierra is Spanish for "earth".

It figures you'd be the one to notice the typo. I guess this makes it obvious I always preferred playing in the dirt as a kid over wearing a crown....and my Spanish sucks.

I always like to find other people's mistakes...

I think the majority of us are making "evil" light of something that may be hard to fully express, by simply venting our frustrations in this thread.

For me, the entire concept of a "pageant", which is teaching a young, impressionable girl in a society with a twisted and unhealthy view of female sexuality and body standards, that their outer beauty is what will "win" things for them in life, is an injustice to the potential of their true character. Any pageant that takes a young girl and dresses her up to be displayed in front of a crowd of adults is perverse. There is a big difference between a 16, 17 or 18 year old girl dressing like a woman to go to her prom, and a 5 year old dressing like a woman to "win" a trophy for how "pretty" she is.

I don't really see how a young girl could experience the pageant lifestyle, even at it's least extreme, and NOT come away from it with a damaged view of her self worth. Talent, intelligence, compassion, perseverance, faith, imagination, etc. These are the life skills and aspects of oneself that we should be impressing the importance upon to our youth, NOT physical beauty.

What if we were mother's to a beautiful daughter, full of hope, joy, and such amazing personal integrity that she inspired people wherever she went. But she was born with a physical deformity that will cause her to never get the attention that a "pretty" girl will get. Entering her into one of those "beauty pageants" wouldn't even be an option. And in the same respect, what if we had a beautiful daughter who was physically "perfect" but she only ever said or did what she thought would make people like her, because she was too afraid to be her true self for fear that people wouldn't think she was so "pretty" anymore.

I guess that's my point.

If you want to teach your children how to endure healthy competition, or how to build self confidence, encourage them to follow their interests by playing a sport, entering a spelling bee, the school quiz bowl, local debate team, etc. Encourage them to build upon their character with volunteering, public speaking, activism for something they feel passionately about, local theatre, etc. I don't even see much wrong with dance, because it's encouraging the development of a talent and a skill, and what you look like isn't part of the competition. (However I do think parents should use discretion in what's age appropriate)

If they are THAT passionate about pageantry or modeling, make them wait until they are old enough to understand what they are getting themselves into. At least high school, when they are actually becoming women, and it would be less perverse for them to display themselves as such.

But let's let our little girls be little girls. They can dress up and play "pretty" in the house with mommy and daddy if they WANT, where no one will JUDGE them for what they look like.

IMO, nothing is evil or good in this world. But there are some things that help us grow in a positive direction, and there are some things that don't. And as a woman, who used to be a girl, who lives in a society, that makes me feel like I'm not beautiful the way that I am, this is one of those things that simply doesn't land on the positive end of the spectrum.

Not trying to be argumentative, just trying to clarify what I think most of us are feeling.

I agree Sky

I grew up with a girl who became Miss Illinois and was a finalist in the Miss America pageant. We lost touch with each other because she went to a different high school, different circle of friends.

Needless to say, I was SHOCKED when I saw her on the Miss America pageant - parading around all beautiful and stuff.

In grade school, her best friend was always considered the most beautiful girl in school. Kathy was just her "smart" friend, and none of the guys ever paid any attention to her. No one even saw her as pretty, just really smart and really nice.

It was HER choice to pursue the pageant life - after graduating from high school. A few years later, I was flipping through a Cosmopolitan magazine and came across an advertisement for perfume - a full page ad fearing my childhood friend's beautiful face and body. I knew her beauty wasn't only skin deep - and so did she.

Not all children's pageants are like what we see on TV. There are the more natural ones, where the girls aren't dressed up like little women, with fake eyelashes and "flippers" (fake teeth), and there are even competitions for boys. I'm not totally against pageants, but even the ones I'm least against contribute to the horrible ideas girls have about their looks, and even their races. Most women and girls are unhappy with how they look, and even very young girls are already talking about plastic surgery they want to have.

I want plastic surgery and some beauty and cosmetic treatments. I know a lot of it is how society has made me feel, but I can't deny what I want regarding my appearance. I'm not going to get into it right now, but when I see little girls who think there's something wrong with their looks when they're so beautiful, it saddens me. And no, looks aren't everything, but it's what we're being fed.

KathyM, I'm a dirt kid too, terra firma

There were some girls I know when i was younger who went in for the pageants. I can't think of one of them who didn't have major problems with body image, women's roles and who they were unedr all of the praise for looks and "perfection".
The "talent" sections were laughable, the ambitions were either pathetic or overblown, and the main focus was how the girl looked with little on. Al of these girls were wearing makeup before they were eleven in a way that was very provocative. They were all dressing far too sexually for their age. They were mostly involved with boys years older than them before most of us even wanted to look at dating. This was in the seventies. Maybe things are better now, but from what i have seen from general society, I doubt it.
Attitudes can be transmitted by behaviors far less extreme than those seen on "tiara", especially when taken together with other signals in society. All too often we women do get the messages that it's great to be smart, and it's great to be talented, but the real value lies in how good a sexual object we make. If we aren't "beautifulll" or act like we're trying to be, then everything else doesn't matter.
I don't believe that myself, so sorry about the bitter edge here. It was just a sad way for them to enter adulthood. Half-"## backwards.

No words....only Stars

Yeah. Hmmm, and her greatest ambition is probably to bring about world peace. Thanks Kathy, you couldn't have illustrated my point about the talent better Huggs and all,

hi, im new here, but i wanted to add my reply. im glad to see some people have already posted this, but i want you all to understand that many beauty pagents are NOT like the ones that you see on TV. sure, there are some that are like that with horrible, pushy mothers and dolling up their children to look nothing like they look in real life. but there are also some that are 'natural' pagents. where children are not allowed to wear make-up until they are a certain age. where there is no fake hair or false teeth.

these children are judged on their personalities, their talent, their putting together of outfits, and their poise and posture. i know this because both my girls (ages 9 and 6) have been in them, and won them. and they LOVE it. they beg to do it- despite my own hesitation because of the cost and time that goes into it.

here is a link to a pageant like that (cinderellapageant.com)

please don't generalize all pageants based on what you see on TV.

thanks

KathyM,

My perfect pitch ears just couldn't handle that star wars trumpet. Think the only lesson that pathetic person had was how to hold the trumpet. Can't believe she actually thought that had anything to do with talent.

Lonegael,

You beat me to it........"and my goal is for world peace"
When they don't even know what peace is in their own life.

beautifuldisaster,

I understand what you are saying but the kids could get the same education without the competition & would probably learn a bit more about how to really apply it in their real life & in society rather than in a competitive unreal environment. Anytime we place focus on the good looks of our children without placing even more focus on their inner beauty of compassion, care & love for other people around them, we are doing the worst disservice as parents.

I would never change my intelligence & common sense for beauty anyday. Women's looks have always been about beauty from ancient times, so this is nothing new......look as Queen Esther....the all time beauty pageant was looking for the queen......but it doesn't make it right or healthy. Especially as less & less emphasis is put on moral values & more & more values are put on beauty.....society is already going down hill at a rapid pace. Just can't support these values.

I have been observing this thread for a while and I think people are being a bit quick to harsh judgements on the pagents and the average parent who supports a child to participate in them. Sure there are extremes and those are the pagent events and people that make for good tv.

In real life there is no doubt fanatical pagent moms just as there are over the top hockey moms. But there are also plenty of plan folk who provide their children with a well rounded balance of activities in addition to pagents just as there are a wide range of pagents from the natural to the clitz.

Just like the kid who plays ball needs to know that he or she is more than how she or he throws, hits a ball or runs the bases the pagent kids need to know that they are more than how they look or are judged for their stage looks, personality and or talent on the pagent stage. Bench warmers can have just as much of an issue with self esteem as any child who falls to win the teddy bear for beauty.

If a child's self esteem is dependant on how well they perform no matter what the activity there is a problem with parenting that goes beyond any particular activity. Pagent mom's are just as capable of unconditional love as anyone else.

As for competition pagents didn't invent that.

These shows and beauty pageants for young children are all just sick. That's all I have to say. They are probably like Girls Gone Wild for pedophiles. I cannot believe this Samba Queen thing. WOW!

You bring up some food for thought. People are exploited all over the world. Look at some of our reality shows and the ridiculous things adults do to pursue their dreams of fame and fortune. When I was a kid, I had a flair for the dramatic and I could sing. I believe that of my parents had oursued this for me I may have been a star. I am thankful that they did not. I have done local theatre and had my 15 minutes of fame but I have seen too many trageic stories related to "STARS".

My only hope is that the little SAMBA QUEEN received only love and support from her parents after the dance was over.

this may be "over the top"-- but then that's how my brain usually works! I go from zero-60 in 2 seconds!

the way I see it-- if they're going to subject little girls to public "stock shows" then I don't see any reason why they dont' start a Mr. Muscle Contest for little boys. lets NOT discriminate!

fins said with total sarcasm........

putting any child in the same frame of judgement as an adult is a sick society(IMO)

fins... this whole culture dysfunction is so disturbing...

I, for one, can honestly say that my daughter placed my grand-daughter in a small town beauty pageant when she was 2 1/2 years old. This was basicly a pretty baby pageant. She wore no make-up, and wasn't paraded around like so many of the others that I feel are exploited. She did win 1st place, complete with trophy, 1st place ribbon, and tiara. Her idea since that time is, I won 1st place, why do it again? I'm proud of my grand-daughter who is now 7 1/2 years old; she is very intelligent. By the way, there was a pageant going on there for the "young men", so it does exist. I have a problem with thinking about pedophiles watching not only my grand-daughter but all other children; makes me physically ill. I agree with the above comment about placing children in adult situations. Take Care.....♥

I entered my son in a pretty baby contest when he was about eight months old. They did not separate sexes. My son won first place and got a little trophy. I was like Squaw's daughter. He was already picked as prettiest, why do it again?

I am okay with pageants when the children look like children but when little girls are made up to look like cheap hookers I don't think it is good for anybody.

I need to clarify that it wasn't my daughter that took that attitude of "why do it again?". It was my grand-daughter that had that to say about it, at the age of 2 1/2! I agree with the cheap hooker look, I can't stand it. I like children to look like children, because that is the most naive, sweet, innocent part of their lives. Take Care......♥

I don't like them either. And what about highly competitive children's sports? Equally horrible in a different way. Yuck.

Rose... that really was my point. Pagents may not be something you or I would participate in or support our children to participate it but more importantly its any activity that is competitively not age appropriate that is problematic. Childhood should be fun no matter what.