[loveregardless]

7:30pm

First appointment with my new therapist. (First appointment in 4 years)

Could barely stay asleep last night/this morning I was so anxious.

But I'm gonna' be oooo-tay.

---

beautiful

I met myself in a dream last night
I was 5
I was alive

I remember smiling
At myself
We talked of things
I can’t recall
I held my hand
And it was small
And strong

We walked for hours
Or maybe moments
I stood still
And met my own gaze
I was amazed
I was beautiful

I am beautiful

I met myself in a dream last night
I was 5
I am alive.

THURSDAY, AUGUST 10, 2006

[amante]

Good luck today, with your new appt with new T. You are gonna be OOOO-TAYYYYY,
I hope you have a great connection with the T and can get yourself some good professional help. Keep us posted how it goes.

Hello, loveregardless. Hope tonight's session is the start of something better for you.

[lonegael]

Good Luck! I hope it's a good fit! Huggs!

What is the good news?

[loveregardless]

It went really well. She didn't get many words in, and she kept telling me it was ok if I didn't want to get into something, but of course, I'm sort of like a freight train, never wanting to leave anything out. But at the end she said she respects people's defenses, and likes to take things slow. And I told her I don't know how to do that. But I know I have to figure it out, for my own health.

She used the metaphor of lifting weights. When a person first starts working out, they can't jump to benching 200 pounds. Because when you do that, you hurt yourself.

I'm going to see her again next week.

She was very nice.

[Hunny]

smile

Take care till then,

Love,
Hunny

.

[Fox]

She sounds very wise. I wish my T had explained that to me. I too tried to cram in everything without leaving anything out in my sessions, I always left feeling broken and incomplete. It's good to take things slow and get closure one step at a time in my opinion.

[loveregardless]

I just left feeling drained. I managed to say everything I wanted to say, or everything I thought was really important. For the most part. I think my ocd comes into play in these situations because after trying to remember to say everything (I see it like a big brainstorming mind map in my head and jump around until all the little bubbles are checked off) afterwards I would normally be obsessed with all of the things I left out. Like I am when I post here, I always edit it or immediately post again. But I think I was too exhausted to focus on it for too long last night. I felt sort of, flat. Not good, not bad. Just done.

I really don't know how I'm supposed to learn to take something like this slow when I've been functioning at warp speed with things my entire life.

Had an interesting dream right before I woke up just now. All I remember is I was in "her office", but it looked more like her home. There was a big tv behind me and she said something like, oh, "Theory" is on, and I can't miss that. And she turned on the tv behind me and something came on with a 20 something man talking wordy over intellectual gibberish (some aspect of me/what I sound like when I get on a roll I'm sure). I then looked at the clock and it said it was 9:30 and I said, "oh my gosh, I am so sorry. I had no idea. You have to stop me when I get like that.", and she said, "It's ok, whether it takes until 9:30 or 11, whenever you start talking." And then I woke up to my dog barking.

Pretty weird.

Thanks again to my cheer squad. You guys are the B-E-S-T, BEST!!!

[ECHOES]

It sounds like she is going to help you learn how to slow things down
Life is much more manageable when slowed down, so this is a good thing!

I know the feeling you speak of after leaving an intense therapy session. I sometimes think, "Well, I did my part. Where's the instant gratification?". Like life, getting better is a process that really never stops.

I am so happy you had a good session.

Be well.

I'm really happy for you loveregardless!!! Have a good time at the next appointment!!!!!!!!!!