[jordyj]

i dont know where to start so i guess rambling it is.

i was in the army and over seas in kuwait for several months before I was sent home for non combat related health issues. Endometriosis. the time i was i was sexually and racially harrassed and i didnt think that really affected all that much. I worked in a prison for four years prior to this deployment. a maximum security, male prison and saw some bad things and what not. again didnt think that had an affect on me. I have always thought of myself as someone who could brush it off and not let it affect her. like i had some special coat that everything just ran off, that nohting ever soaked in.

anyhow i got back to fort bragg and started seeing a shrink. i cant say if it helped or not. i got home and started seeing one here on base. that was not helping i dont think. but then she quit so i was not seeing anyone til about a month ago and i am now seeing a lady at the vet center in town. and i dont thinkt hat is helping either. partly because i dont know how to talk to her or what i can and cant tell her. what can i trust her with? I am a lesbian and i dont know if that would cause my disability from the VA to be stopped or my school money to stop from them.

I got home and i missed that adrenaline rush i guess and i started gambling. I lost over 50,000 and my girlfriend said if i didnt stop she would leave me. so i told her i would stop. i didnt, til she caught me red handed. i stopped for over a year. I was very pissed off about all the money i lost and i taught myself to count cards. i set up rules for myself so i wouldnt get crazy again but something happened and now i have lost close to 8,000 dollars. before that i was doing great. I would go in count the whole shoe and win between 100 and 300 a day. I got up to 2500 with no issues and then one sunday i lost a thousand of it and its been down hill ever since. I know the signs of when to quit and i was doing so good but i dont know what happened.

my girlfriend and I had fight about money and i got a ticket and taxes are due... i could go on and on... and i was so overwhelmed i thought about shooting myself.

and now i am just floating i guess. I am freaked out cuz i never thought I would take or even consider taking that way out. I was so frustrated and angry and i just dont know what all.

so i dont know

[dealfrank2005]

have you considered seeing a therapist or someone like that to help you sort out our feelings?

Hello, jordyj. You might benefit from a call here: http://www.gamblersanonymous.org/mtgdirTOP.html

A therapist would seem a prudent choice too.

Good luck.

[1flagwriter]

PTSD is serious. You really need to seek help. I'm AD Military as well and I can tell you that I doubt that your sexual orientation is a factor in anything. I wouldn't go around flaunting it, but Don't Ask Don't Tell is all but over.

What I can't figure out is, how is being a lesbian effecting your PTSD???

[EvilZakkie]

It sounds like you're dealing with quite a lot... As far as the gambling goes, is there any kind of trigger that makes you feel like taking gambling risks? Is it anxiety, boredom, or just a feeling that you want to beat the place?

As far as the therapy goes, as 1Flag mentioned your sexual orientation probably wouldn't be a factor in PTSD, which means that one possibility is to see the Vet Centre therapist and simply not mention it, if you're worried about what will get back. Or you could see someone outside the Vet Centre, if you're not comfortable there...

Hope this helps in some way.

[notz]

Feel free to visit LGBTQ Forum. Join Social Group first http://forums.psychcentral.com/group.php?groupid=24 then go to the Social Group Forum to post. http://forums.psychcentral.com/forumdisplay.php?f=110 Take care.

Originally Posted by jordyj

I got home and i missed that adrenaline rush i guess and i started gambling. I lost over 50,000 and my girlfriend said if i didnt stop she would leave me. so i told her i would stop. i didnt, til she caught me red handed. i stopped for over a year. I was very pissed off about all the money i lost and i taught myself to count cards. i set up rules for myself so i wouldnt get crazy again but something happened and now i have lost close to 8,000 dollars. before that i was doing great. I would go in count the whole shoe and win between 100 and 300 a day. I got up to 2500 with no issues and then one sunday i lost a thousand of it and its been down hill ever since. I know the signs of when to quit and i was doing so good but i dont know what happened.

I don't want this to sound like I'm lecturing you on gambling. I'm really not, because I'm an avid gambler and fellow counter. But, it seems to me that the gambling addiction is having more effect on you than just losing money. I know losing money is a huge issue, but, even if you do win, it's going to affect your mental state negatively. It's like "casual drinking" for the alcoholic. It starts out as all fun and games, but then you can't stop and end up passed out on some stranger's kitchen floor ...

And, I know from personal experience, that you cannot maintain a gambling addiction even if you win. The saying "the house always wins" is a cliche for a reason.