[Radien]

I took a large part in raising my sister(13) and sometimes feel like she is not only my sister but also my child. She is having major self-esteem issues and has even asked to see a Therapist, but my parents are saying no! They truly do love us and have always cared for us so that is not an issue. My father studied psychology and doesn't believe it will do her any good. He says that sending her to a T is like him giving his parenting rights over to someone else, who doesn't even care about his children. He also says that T's only say what is normal, like having sex at 17(his example not mine), and will ruin her morals. My mom thinks everything will work out when it won't. She has been like this since she was 11 and next year she is entering high school which i fear will make it worse. At 16 she can start dating and i know she will throw herself at guys just to be told she is pretty. This is not what i want for her. I want her to see she is beautiful, but all she sees is what she used to look like (she hadn't fully grown into her body until recently). I am at a loss of what to do. I have already given up on trying to get a T for myself, but my sister means more to me than anything. How do i move forward with this situation?

[lynn P.]

You're a good sister. First I think it's important to educate her about sex and then explain the dangers of having it too young. Boys that age basically want sex, with little regard for the young woman. Advise her to stay away from relationships with boys, becasue they're so fickle and this wears on a girls self esteem. Get her involved in physical exercise - it's well known young women who exercise or belong to a team, have better self esteem. Have her look at http://www.dove.ca/en/ website and click on 'campaign for real beauty' - about how the beauty industry falsely put out these unrealistic images that don't really exist in real life. Encourage her to be the best she can be and not to compare herself to those images. Emphasis focusing on her education and taking care of herself, so she'll never have to depend on a man financially. You can also encourage her to have her own mind and don't be afraid to stand up and say "no" or walk away from uncomfortable situations - drugs, alcohol, sex. These are things I'm teaching my daughters about. Best of luck

After your father explained his reasoning for not allowing your sister to see a therapist, did he also talk to his daughter to find out what is bothering her and offer any advice?

[lynn P.]

If he won't allow therapy, then as her sister, you can be a safe haven or make sure she has any other trust worthy adult. This person can be a sounding board for your sister - like a mentor. She could speak with a school counselor, but I don't know if she needs a parents permission or not. Just let her know, you're there for her regardless of the subject matter.

[FooZe]

Hi Radien, I'm afraid I'm running a bit behind. I just posted a reply to your other thread from two weeks ago. It's entirely possible that in another two weeks I'll manage to come up with a reply for this one, too.

Meanwhile, I appreciate your concern for your sister and I hope you're taking good care of yourself, too.

[Radien]

Thank you for your other post Fool Zero. Sadly i have kinda given up on me, i have gone back to just not caring to much. My sister, however, i want to help more than anything because if anything happened to her I would fall so hard there would not be any chance for help.

[sanityseeker]

Radien... please don't give up on yourself. If for no other reason consider the impact you have on your sister as a role model. You need to be able to walk your talk if you are going to advise her about her choices and actions. You are probably the most significant influence on your sister right now. That can be a huge pressure especially when your father seems pretty set in his way of thinking about professional help. It can also be a huge opportunity for you and your sister to overcome those challenges that you face.

I am curious to know how your father is responding. Please keep us posted.

Wishing you and your sister well.

NO giving up, Radien. You are a valued member of this Community. Even more important, you are a valuable, compassionate and caring person.

Please go through these again: http://psychcentral.com/lib/2009/15-...e-distortions/

http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/sel...9/METHOD=print

http://www.psychologytoday.com/print/1752

You are not to blame for being young and human and being thrust into a parenting role.

Love yourself. Be well.

[Radien]

Thanks everyone. I am not in the best state of mind right now, but i am hoping that soon i will be, even though at times i think that is just wishful thinking. Thanks for the links Byz. My dad is still against therapy and i don't even feel like asking him anymore, it just causes more problems. Hopefully I can get my sister to talk to me and help her out a bit.

Radien, You are a warrior. Cling to hope and battle on. Good luck.

~ All human wisdom is summed up in two words - wait and hope. ~ Alexander Dumas