I can't get any help.

I've been up all night, posting on several boards about things that are really painful, looking for someone to JUST listen to me. I notice right now there are 7 people viewing this forum. Does that mean someone is here?

I tried the chat room. It didn't help.

Is anyone out there for me?

Yes I'm on right now. What would you like to talk about?

Thank you, Lynn.

I'm having bad memories haunt me. I've been up all night watching for responses to a post I made in the PTSD forum, and since there hasn't been any, I'm wondering if people don't care.

I am an abuse survivor, and the wounds still hurt. A little bit ago, I mentioned one of those wounds to my mother, and she totally dismissed it. It's apparently OK to make fun of me. I'd like to be validated by at least one person, and have them agree that what was done to me was not merely teasing, but was emotional abuse. And that's besides the physical abuse I went through (which is downplayed as merely "discipline") and the sexual abuse, which isn't acknowledged at all.

Am I ever going to have a relationship with my family? I can't, unless they acknowledge the abuse. How can I "forgive" if nobody admits to any wrongdoing? If they didn't do wrong, then there is nothing to forgive, is there?

Thanks for your ear.

(((LovebirdsFlying))) I'm sorry you had such a bad night. I think it's fairly quiet in the middle of the night. I'll take a look at the thread in PTSD. I agree it is important to feel validated. Family dynamics are so difficult sometimes and when there's abuse, it can be an arduous task receiving validation and working toward forgiveness. I agree it's wrong to laugh at you and I'm sorry this happened. I'll take a look at the thread in PTSD - okay?

Lovebirdsflying, I'm a survivor of abuse as well and I have gone through (am going through) much of what you describe. Two therapy visits ago, we talked about how desperately I try to get my mother to acknowledge how badly she abused me and how that's really a very unrealistic thing. My t/pdoc pointed out that its a very rare occasion when an abuser will actually admit to abuse, much less to the abused and definitely even rarer that they apologize or validate the abused's feelings at all. He told me that I have the option of forgiving my mother (which at this point I do not think I am able to do) or just moving on (this is also very difficult to do). But he is stressing to me that I can never expect that anything that happened to me will ever be acknowledged so, in a way, my feelings will never be validated by my mom or family. That is very hard for me. I had a "homework" assignment to write my mother about the abuse and things she won't talk about or acknowledge. It was hard and I still haven't had a chance to really "work" on the letter with my t/pdoc yet, but I do think writing it was a good thing. It really gave me the chance to say things I've not been able to say since I was a child. So, my advice would be to try writing her a no-send letter and let her know how you feel. It may help.

Also, even though I've suffered and "survived" a lot of abuse, I have never been diagnosed as having PTSD so I very rarely read or comment in that forum (if ever?). Don't feel ignored. Sometimes it takes a while for others to see your thread and then to respond.

I agree writing a no send letter is a good idea. I agree it's hard to get the abuser to acknowledge abuse because if they were sympathetic people, they wouldn't abuse you in the 1st place. I also heard of the 'empty chair' in therapy where you pretend your abuser is in the chair and listening - and you say how you really feel. But I don't recommend trying this without a therapist - it could be upsetting, but it would offer relief. I also think some abusers might feel remorseful but are either scared or too embarrassed to participate in the conversation.

When I'm really feeling very frustrated with someone and I can't find a solution or they're not cooperative - I just think to myself they'll feel my pain one day. I think when we die God will make us feel the pain(significant) we've caused others. Or I also believe in Karma too. When I'm feeling very bothered I like to say the Serenity Prayer -I'm not a practicing religious person, but this prayer comforts me a lot.

Enright Forgiveness Inventory

"Forgiveness is a person-to-person response to unfairness, which leads the offended side to give up the right for resentment toward the offending person, eventually influencing the development of compassion, care, and even moral love toward the other.... forgiveness as a moral response involves the following major domains of human development: positive emotions (e.g., feelings of empathy), negative emotions (e.g., feelings of anger and resentment), positive behaviors (e.g., altruism) and negative behaviors (e.g., revenge-seeking) and, finally, positive (e.g., he/she is a good person) or negative (e.g., condonation) thoughts toward the offending person.

--Robert D. Enright and Julio Rique, EFI Manual
A PSYCHOLOGICAL DEFINITION

Interpersonal Forgiveness is a willingness to abandon one's right to resentment, negative judgment, and indifferent behavior toward one who unjustly injured us, while fostering the undeserved qualities of compassion, generosity and even love toward him or her.

http://www.commonsensepsychology.com/forgiveness.php
http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/for...1/METHOD=print
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/...forgive-others
http://www.learningtoforgive.com/steps.htm

I hope you feel a little better since you got some replies. You can also PM me to talk as well or when a thread isn't getting replies, just give me a heads up. Go get some rest now