[ruffy]

I have wanted to return to school to further my degree but have found that I have no ability to focus on, absorb or retain any thing I try to study. I was a 4.0 GPA before meds and now I cant remember a sentence right after Ive read it. I feel as though I am getting dumber by the minute, and being left behind. I have read on this site where people with bipolar are going to school while on medication. I tried several months ago to come off of my medication because my desire to learn is so strong, but that was a disaster. How do you learn when the meds you are taking are frying your brain?

[boonie]

I just started school again ( I've been in college 17 years now and counting) and I feel dumb. I was always a c student, so I was never that bright, but I was able to comprehend and pass. Now things that I know I know are difficult to do.

I was watching a show today and they talked about how Adderall helped improve the memory and grades in high schoolers and college kids.

Have you tried that med before or something similar?

[ruffy]

(((Boonie))) Thanks for this. No, I never even thought to ask my Dr. for something to help with my memory. I'll bring it up at my next appt. I'll have to look up the side effects, probably causes a third eye in the middle of the forehead, but if it helps, I'll take it. Thanks for your empathy, It always helps to know youre not alone, but I am sorry youre having the same problem with youre memory. Dont give up!!!!

[boonie]

[You're right; there's always some counter productive side effect to any meds.

[Stranger2]

I know what you mean.. I am an avid reader and haven't been able to read in over a year.. I loose focus on what i'm reading or the next day I have to really struggle to remember what I read the previous day..

Good luck you guys. Losing the ability to learn is a tremendous toll to extract in exchange for stability. There has to be a better way.

[venusss]

Originally Posted by TheByzantine

Good luck you guys. Losing the ability to learn is a tremendous toll to extract in exchange for stability. There has to be a better way.

Can one be one stable without being able to learn? I am not sure it is possible.

[VickiesPath]

I've been treated with so many different medications over 34 years that one thing I know is that next month, there will be a new drug that just might solve your problem. Keep up your conversations with your doctor and keep asking for help. My meds have dulled my senses and concentration for sure but I have grown used to the effect and am not attempting the kind of stressful exercise compared to you. Please don't give up.....I believe there is an answer out there for you soon.

PS: There are drugs usually prescribed for narcolepsy which, when added, help a great deal. I cannot remember the name of at the moment but they do help counteract some of the other side effects.

[sanityseeker]

I don't take any meds so it may not just be med side effects but a symptom of the illness. My dx is bi-polar and focusing and retaining information is really difficult for me sometimes. I used to be an avid reader but now it is hit and miss if I focus well enough to remember anything I read. I used to be able to pick up new learning really quickly but now I can struggle for days to understand something new. It really upsets me sometimes.

[venusss]

Originally Posted by sanityseeker

I don't take any meds so it may not just be med side effects but a symptom of the illness. My dx is bi-polar and focusing and retaining information is really difficult for me sometimes. I used to be an avid reader but now it is hit and miss if I focus well enough to remember anything I read. I used to be able to pick up new learning really quickly but now I can struggle for days to understand something new. It really upsets me sometimes.

It might be not just the illness. I not still quite young, but I feel I peeked memory-wise in 18. Since than it is more difficult. It's a common knowledge that it's quite hard to learn a language after the age of 18. You can do it, but it will take hella more determination.
And I believe as we get older our brain is more filled with information and works slower... you know like a computer.

I am also med-free and that is probably why I managed to get my bachelor degree. But even studying for the state exam... I felt that I have to read it more times and make notes. I used to be able to read something one time and remember it.

[VickiesPath]

If you are bipolar, depression can greatly impair your ability to concentrate and remember things. Only a tiny bit of antidepressant can help. But be careful with SSRI's as they can induce mania. When depressed, one doesn't simply not remember things.....it's that they never get into the memory to begin with because the concentration factor is so low. If you are going to attempt something as challenging as schooling, I would greatly consider assisting yourself with meds. Please, dont' misunderstand me...I think going unmedicated is great and I applaud your accomplishment. But the added stress may make your life very difficult. So you have to weigh which is more important to you. You could always return to your unmedicated state after obtaining your degree. Only a suggestion. Best of luck to you.

PS: As I said earlier, there are a zillion medications out there and a combination that is just right for you might be waiting.

[ruffy]

Special thanks to (((Stranger, Byz, Venus, Vick and Sanity)))....It means so much!! Just to know Im not the only one helps tremendously! Now I can ease up on myself a little. Dont know if anyone can relate to this as well, but I can no longer spell. If my dictionary and I spend anymore time together well have to get married!!

[ruffy]

Thanks (((Vicky)))...I was not successful with coming off of the medication. Had to go right back on it after 4 weeks, or wind up on Channel 7 news,...... "Crazy woman attempts to roller skate through rush hour traffic on the interstate"... I could just imagine the helicopters and police cruisers. I guess I will have to forfeit smartness for sanity. I now have a new appreciation for (((sanity)))

[bachir]

i can totally relate with the frustrations involved with memory loss. my memory was always been a challenge even way back in the day when i was in school. however for myself my memory really is beyond challenge because of the numerous electric shock treatments i received. there is said to be a rehab for the memory loss associated with ECT, and my therapist told me about, told me she was going to look into it for me, but i haven't heard back from her about it. we're going on about four weeks now since she told me about it too.

i've recently been offered to do a training to become a peer support specialist. i cannot even tell you how excited i am about even being offered to do this. i am terribly afraid that my memory is going to be too much of an issue to retain the info from this training. if i'm accepted to do this training (i'll find out soon) then i will go for it. i have to. this is a perfect fit for me as i so dearly love to try to help and encourage others with mental illness, and hopefully i'll get through it.

i'd like to encourage to do as the others have suggested and look into any resources your doctor or therapist may be aware of to help. best wishes and take care

[bachir]

if you don't mind too much i would like to share an additional thought or two i have regarding this issue.

first off i would like to say that it is very admirable that you are considering furthering your schooling. that's awesome and very respectable.

i know your memory is of a great concern to you. as i mentioned before it is terribly problematic in my life. in my life it has been of an enormous frustration to both me and those that know me, especially my children.

here's just a little something that i have learned over the years and i felt maybe i could share it here. the things that i have had to work the hardest at i've appreciated the most. when i was in high school i had to work incredibly hard to walk away with a c average and graduated at the bottom of my class. despite the "statistics" i had something to be proud of. first off i even graduated, but secondly i was the only one in my family who graduated from high school. maybe i didn't achieve academic success if you will, but i took away from it the knowing that i accomplished what no one else in my family had. i experienced success.

i would like to encourage you to give schooling a shot. you'll never totally know for sure how it turns out until you try. to even try to do it can give you something to be proud of. if you actually succeed you'll have accomplished everything.

i understand and hear you when you shared you had a 4.0 the last time you attended. i'm sure it's very difficult to accept that it's just not as good as it used to be, but i hope you can understand that it's ok. one's memory can fade to numerous things along with age, but i hope you will continue to seek out ways of trying to improve it whether through exercises or meds, but more importantly to follow your dreams.

take care

[sanityseeker]

I do a lot of those brain exercises you can find all over the net. Designed to prevent alizhimers and dimensia taking hold of a person's brain. I don't know if they help but they are fun. My worst thing is numbers. I can't even remember my own phone number. When I am working on a spread sheet I can't keep a number in my head long enough to post more than one number at a time.

I also experience what I call 'temporary amnesia'. Wonder if this happens to anyone else. I might be driving somewhere and when I look over at my son I don't know who he is. I don't know my own name or anything about anything. It will usually pass in 30 minutes or so and leave me exhausted. It happens maybe once a month or so. I have yet to identify a trigger for it. I don't always have to be particularly stressed. I just go blank and in the moment I rather like the peace. I don't feel panicked by it at all. I remember it afterwards but am just really really tired.

Sorry for going off topic but it came to mind so I thought I would ask.

I am glad ruffy that you feeling more at ease about this and yes.... spelling is out the window for me. I can sit and puzzle over the spelling of the simplest of everyday words for the longest time before it will finally come to me. Crazy making!!

[VickiesPath]

Sanityseeker, have you been tested for ministrokes or even siezures? Thirty minutes sounds like a very long time to me.

[sanityseeker]

Yes I have Vicki. One specialist did think they were associated to ministrokes or seizures and had me go through a bunch of tests and brain scans. The second specialist he sent me to said it was stress. That was a few years ago and I just shrugged my shoulders and left it at that. Whatever. My typical experience with docs. Months and months of tests and waiting between appointments wondering what was wrong only to be told they didn't know or it was stress.

When I was 11 I fell off my bike and ended up with a concussion and amnesia for 4 or 5 days. I don't know the details but they were getting ready to prep me for surgery. I remember being really upset because it meant they were going to shave off my long hair. Before they shaved my head the did another set of xrays and the story goes that what had initially suggested surgery on the first set of xrays turned out to be a scratch on the xray. The second set resulted in the surgery being cancelled. Maybe it was just that the sweeling went down on its own. I just know it scared me to think they could have made a mistake like that.

I have a lifetime of these kinds of experiences with doctors so unless I collapse I don't bother with the run around and the long waits between specialist visits. Seems 2 specialist can never agree with what ailes me from time to time. Seems to often come down to stress. Who knows.

Thanks for asking Vicki. I just wondered if anyone else experienced anything like that.

[ruffy]

(((Sanityseeker))) Thank you so much for your response and your encouraging words. Yes, I also have moments of amnesia...Have actually been in the car driving somewhere only to forget where I was going and had to turn the car around and go all the way back home in tears. Now I write everything down beforehand. Ive never had ECT but I have been told it does diminish or even block entire segments of memory. I honestly think my meds do the same thing....It cant possibly be me!!!! If school werent so expensive Id keep trying. Would love to hear more about the memory rehab your T was telling you about if she gets back to you. I think youd make a great peer support specialist. Yes, you have to learn the information, but I dont think you have to memorize it right? Write everything down, write it on your arm if you have to. I do just that thing at work, up one arm and hand and down the other. I wonder how much ink you can take on your skin before it becomes a hazard? I gave up on post it notes. Could never remember where I put them. If you ever watched the movie Finding Nemo, I am that fish with the short term memory loss, played by Ellen D. Shes so funny in that character. Well take care. Good luck with your training, and when your done you can be my specialist. You give good advice!!