[dogwood]

Something about anger I wanted to share

Anger management is a master skill. It is a skill that allows you to learn other skills. Without it anger, is not just the result of our experience, but the lens through which we see new experiences. Without life becomes by definition stress ridden, as more and more, anger and recrimination, attack and counterattack, resentment and vindictiveness seem more and more normal. For some people anger becomes not what it seen of life, but the method by which life is seen.
Anger is remarkably seductive. It gives you a sense of righteousness and a rush of power. It carries its own sense of logic, that once you fall under its spell is remarkably hard to refute. It becomes the way we identify ourselves. I remember one anger management class where one 13 year old boy was the star. It was apparent as the class went on that he knew the concepts and seemed to be able to use the techniques. Towards the end of the class he turned to the instructor and said, "You know you really know your stuff. Some of the things you have talked about really make sense..... But I dont think I will ever use any of it..." The crestfallen teacher asked, "Why????????" The boy replied quietly, "Well you know-- its just not me."
I have known many people, particularly young people, who have basically self-destructed because they did what seemed like it "made sense" at the time. The decided to "teach someone a lesson" or show someone "they couldnt be pushed around" or had to show "how tough they really were." I remember one kid who told me it was "all a matter of respect." The fact that he had given up years of his life for literally minutes of respect didnt really seem to connect with him.
Anger management, for many, is a crucial foundation setting part of recovery. Recovery is about setting out goals and plans, and it is so hard to do that when your perceptions are skewed and you are prone to be emotionally hijacked. Recovery is about building and maintaining relationships with people and it is hard to do either when you are constantly embroiled in conflict. Recovery is about learning to forgive, learning to be thankful and finding hope. Chronic anger is incompatible with all those.

Here is a quick anger management plan. It doesnt cover everything, but nothing quick ever does:

1. Learn to recognize your anger. See it coming and know how angry you are when you are. Develop strategies to slow it down. Almost anything that slows it down helps you to maintain control.
2. Process. Think before you act. Is what you are angry about really important (I constantly mess up here)? Are you feelings justified? Does the evidence back you up or are you just simply wrong about what you feel or how strong you feel? Can you do anything about it? There is a whole lot of recovery in the serenity prayer. Is it worth the cost? How often do you want to take it back? Is what you feel like doing morally right? If you listen to the way you feel are you about to do something you will be ashamed of latter on?
3. Act effectively. Some things you must accept. Some times you need to redirect yourself. Sometimes you have a conflict or problem to work out. Sometimes you need to draw limits you dont want others to cross over. Does what you do work and do you do it when it is the most effective thing to do?

I have a friend who is an angry person. I saw her tonight for the first time in some time. She is no longer an angry person. She just gets angry some times. Anger management has indeed given her life back to her. The change was remarkable and I walked away with a renewed sense of hope for all of us.
It is a master skill. Make yourself master of your life.

(from http://hopeworkscommunity.wordpress.com)

Thanks for sharing.