[seeker1950]

I wonder how I got this way. Nothing really appeals to me. I used to anticipate holidays, trips, vacations, time with other people. Now I just want to be alone! I do have a job, teaching middle schoolers, which is both rewarding and stressful, but after I finish my work day, I just want to come home and veg, be quiet and alone. Is there anything wrong with that?
Patty

What do you think, Patty? In my view, if what you are doing does not negatively impact your life, it it your choice to make.

Be well.

[shezbut]

Hi Patty,

It's good that you get some enjoyment from teaching. That is a plus.

Maybe a spiritual (not necessarily religious) vacation would be helpful to you. For me...Spiritual vacation= an adventure in some region that makes you think of something larger than yourself and the world as you know it. Like hiking through a national park. It's quiet, peaceful, nature. Very peaceful to me, personally. It gives me a little hope and positive images to refer to whenever I need them.

Best wishes to you!

[DePressMe]

Hi Patty,

I don't know but could you possibly be an introvert?

I'm a big time introvert and it helps me to organize my alone time so I feel productive.

Thoughts?

[truegrit]

I feel the same as you, Patty, except I now have lost interest in my job. I just don't have the energy to face the world anymore. I too seek advice, but I've tried some of these suggestions, appreciate them - but they don't really work for me. I guess I do feel a little better just knowing that I'm not the only one. Being a teacher. as you are, you know you're not stupid - nor am I. I just feel that something in my chemistry is going haywire and getting worse, but I'd tried drugs for depression before, several dif. ones, and it just made it worse. I feel like my face is to the wall.

[seeker1950]

Today, I was thinking/wishing I hadn't started this thread, feeling embarrassed to have revealed this about myself. Then, to my surprise here, I find many kind answers, as well as others here who identify with the same problem.
Truegrit, actually my job is what gives my life meaning and the much needed structure. But, as you say, there seems to be something in the personal chemistry that is affecting this increase in isolation. I do take an antidepressant, and have used one form or another of the SSRI's for 17 years. I suspect there is an aspect of apathy that goes along with the meds for me, but I tried weaning off the stuff last year, after a two-year very gradual tapering down. I found myself weeping uncontrollably daily, unable to sleep, feeling increasingly paranoid, so I went back to the antidepressants.
I honestly still like people, and I'm not a shy person. Part of it is that I've learned to recognize situations which create anxiety within me (a problem since childhood), thus choosing to abstain from such.
Also, I used to desire to travel a bit, whereas now I engage in a lot of negative self-talk about why I can't or shouldn't. This attitude was part of my parents' constant interaction with me. I overcame that most of my life, and now at 59, parents deceased, their fearful and reclusive attitudes seems to be gaining presence in my thoughts.

OH, well, as Byz suggests, it really doesn't feel too bad being this way. And I still feel I have the option of choosing otherwise. That is something to remember, Truegrit...We still have the ability to choose.
Love and thanks to you all!
Patty

Choose what is best for you and you are the only one that counts.