Dislike NP / Pdoc @ Program / I want to use my own pdoc..

I don't mind going to the program but I hate utilizing the NP/Pdoc services. First, I never "officially" see the pdoc in his office, and when I do start getting symptoms I go get help for it.

Friday my anxious symptoms started, I told Mom Sunday night, she was concerned obviously, so Monday I went to the general doctor. That's where I got the 'script for Xanax .5mg PRN.

Today before I even see the NP, I called my case manager about it because I know she has to be aware of what's going on and the new 'script. She said I did the right thing.

I see the NP, and "she puts me down for what I did". She tells me I shouldn't use the Xanax, rely on coping skills, I have to let her know what skills I'm using, I have to make a friend, go out for walks, and she said she was going to put the papers I handed her to the pdoc so that he can what I consider 'talk to me'.

Now I fear that I'm going be reprimanded twice. I don't like this. Every time I go and do what I feel is right, I get in trouble by the NP and/or the pdoc.

Another thing the NP said was that I was going to end up back in the hospital again because I'm adjusting my medication again.

I just want to give them up and use the psychiatrist that I use to go to. I was told months ago I could use her as long as she was willing to take me back.

What should I do?

Thanks,
Andy...