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I'll start with the best news: it looks like I may have a job soon! I talked to the guy last week and I know that I am his first choice to offer the job, but I worked as a temp there once and that *could* be a problem in me getting the job. We are still trying to figure out the contract rules and things. The manager and I got along really well the time I temped there, and I loved it and he loved me--he still does and wants me! He is off on vacation tomorrow, so we'll talk again in a couple weeks. The job would only be part-time to start, but I told him that I don't care--I can work that until full-time opens. I am so looking forward to talking to him again!

Now for the other news. I have mixed feelings. I saw the pdoc and I still hate her and that whole place! But I did go. And I said that I would come back and I would take the med. I still don't want to be there or go back, but my options are very limited, which I find odd considering the area I live in. I left my T a quick voice mail immediately after that I sure hope he doesn't expect me to be open and honest with her. I was irritated and kind of pissed off. I can't help the way I feel about that place after all the troubles I've had there with the people and my old caseworker triggering me. How can I trust people there after something like that?! I told the pdoc that, too, and I *know* she was a little annoyed with me today because I don't want to be there and with everything I said. Hiding her own expressions is not one of her strong points like that. I like when T's show emotion, but not being able to hide her annoyance with me is not going to help me build trust. She hasn't given me her email address, but I am aware how they format their email addresses at that facility so I am going to take liberty in emailing her. I will be somewhat plain and honest and say sorry that I annoyed her, and I don't expect her to understand my situation without herself experiencing it, but I am going to need her help if I am going to learn to trust her and that office again, and explain to her more of what I need. For one, I need her to adjust her personality, but I won't phrase it that way--I will do this with tact.

Anyway, I am not looking forward to this. I hate it! I HATE it! I HATE IT! How can I change this dang pdoc into one who is really sweet and has a good sense of humor?! She has limited compassion and is too serious. I don't work well with somone who is like that.

[(JD)]

sigh. good to hear.. and not so good to hear. (((inky)))) Maybe if you take the med, and it helps THEN it will be easier to find another doctor to help you because you won't "look" like high maintenance to them (because you're stablized by then??) IDK. TC

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I made a verbal agreement that I would stay there at least 4 months. Ugh! I hate this! Have I said that yet? I HATE IT!

[(JD)]

Come on Inky, tell us how you REALLY feel

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I feel good about wanting to make changes even though I am afraid (Did I say that?!). Actually, I'm not sure that I *want* to make changes, but I know that I *NEED* to. It is because of that in my conscience and friendly encouragement from others that I did go to that appointment yesterday--and why I made that dang verbal agreement that I'd keep going back for at least 4 months. The place triggers me and I get angry. I can't help it! I can only hope that I can get at least some understanding from the pdoc office.
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