Author's note and disclaimer: Potentially triggering. I'm not sure.

This article is not intended to be offensive to predator-type individuals. In no way should either the predators or the victims be viewed above or below any other sub-group. Both parties have their own psychological and behavioral problems and have the right to receive help for their respective problems. This information and the suggestions therein are intended to help the potential victims identify and avoid the negative behavior of predator-type people.

Also, there are mentions of behavior and personality traits most notably attributed to victims that are sought after and exploited by predators. That is in no way meant to imply that the victims are to blame for the negative behavior of the predators. There is nothing wrong with being polite and passive.

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“Predator” is a term that generally elicits ideas of alien monsters and calculating, ruthless individuals such as Hannibal Lecter. These figures are, however, Hollywood characters created merely for the purpose of entertaining the general public. In reality, predators come in all walks of life and often appear quite normal. Some of them even manage to stay on the better side of the law. But, even if they are not the red-eyed and murderous Hannibal Lecter, they still have the potential to be dangerous.
In order to identify these particular individuals, first one must understand them. What is their nature? What is the end they desire? What is their modus operandi? One must also understand what these individuals look for in their “prey.” A better comprehension of the dynamics in the predator-victim relationship can help one avoid and escape the ill-intending partakers.

The predators, like any class of people, vary greatly by subtypes of the class and by the individual. If bad comes to worst, it is important to note which type of predator one is dealing with in order to act appropriately. A delinquent gang-member will not attack rivals in the same manner a serial-killer would of a potential victim. There are, however, some generalities of predator-types which one can use to identify potentially dangerous behavior and lessen the risk of experiencing that worst case scenario.

The predator-victim relationship may seem complex, but, to the predator, it's actually quite simple. The victim is an object that the victimizer uses to achieve an end. That end is most often control, revenge, sex, or material gain. They see it as their right to take whatever it is that they want and are not above using any means necessary in order to get it. They do not, and in rare cases cannot, see their victims as people. In most cases, the victimizer will dehumanize his or her target and rationalize their actions in order to dissipate any sense of remorse and displace responsibility for their role in the act.

In long term relationships, predators will hide their motives quite well. Usually, one does not realize their victimizer's true intentions until said victimizer has either gained complete control of his chosen “companion” or skipped town, leaving emotional turmoil and an empty wallet in his or her wake. Often times, the predator is quite pleasant and agreeable in the first meetings, and the negative behavior will slowly escalate. This is why it's important to be able to recognize and react to the oddities of the predator before bad goes to worst. Most people can and do recognize the warning signs of controlling behavior or deceit, but they ignore it or rationalize it for one reason or another. Again, the specifics of the oddities will vary between types of predators and the individuals. But key indicators that one should always look for are: spotty history, inconsistencies and vagueness in stories, attempts to isolate the victim, testing and pushing boundaries (esp. in a systematic manner), etc.

In order to understand the modus operandi of the typical predator, one most merely look at predators in nature. A lioness, while hunting, will pick off the injured or weakened gazelle that has strayed from the herd. Human predators, in a similar manner, will run teeth-bared and wild through the African savannah and pounce ferociously on an unsuspecting herbivore. Just kidding. They will, however, pursue those who are isolated (either physically, such as walking alone at night, or socially, such as without friends and family in the immediate area) and who they consider will not put up much resistance.

A predator, in first meeting, assesses the situation and the person. They'll size the potential victim up, quite frankly, much like the lioness who stalks in the low brush near the herd to identify which gazelle is most attainable and will yield the best results. They're looking, basically, for two things: what the potential victim has, and how difficult it will be to obtain whatever it is that the predator wants. And they are adept at identifying those that have low self-esteem, are alone, and are unaware of their surroundings. They recognize this behavior almost entirely through body language. People who walk with their eyes to the ground, who seem unsure of themselves, who hunch their shoulders and fidget show these signs.

The key to avoiding predators all-together is to appear as the fast and agile gazelle that is in the middle of the herd or otherwise protected, i.e., the least appealing. An even better way to seem less appealing to a predator is to look like a predator. Lions don't hunt other lions just as predators aren't going to victimize other predators because, in both cases, the risk is far too great. Predators are usually charming, assertive, and confident, at least when they're not playing the sympathies of their latest sucker. They are also very aware of the people around them and the feelings and intentions of those people which they will use against those people. Not surprisingly, assertive and confident people are much less likely to be victimized. An observant person is more likely to realize what game the predator is playing and an assertive person is likely to do something about it. A predator sees them as troublesome and, quite frankly, just not worth it.

The techniques of “observation” and “assertiveness” are different for different situations and relationships to the assumed predator. In long-term relationships, one should assess the individual by paying attention to what they say and how they say it. Don't be afraid to ask questions about the details of their stories, or “subtly” ask about any inconsistencies. Sometimes the inconsistencies are simply a mistake which will readily be corrected by the person, but dramatic changes in story or refusal to provide detail shouldn't be taken lightly. Also, don't be afraid to set clear boundaries and take the relationship slowly. An honest and sincere person will respect boundaries and wait for their partner. A predator usually won't. If a predator isn't getting what he or she wants when he or she wants it from a particular person, they'll gladly look elsewhere. The only exception of this is when said predator is driven by revenge or obsession, in which case the best coarse of action is to consult professionals. Lastly, speak. One key element in the predator-victim relationship is silence. They need to isolate and silence the victim in order to work or they don't feel safe, and rightly so. Unlike the gazelle in the African savannah, humans are willing to help a fallen comrade. But they can only help if they know something is wrong.

When confronted with a potentially dangerous stranger, “observation” is used in a different manner, but yields similar results, i.e., becoming a less appealing potential victim. Predators, as mentioned above, do not want to be identified. With strangers in an elevator or parking lot, the consistency of their stories is relatively inconsequential. One should rather be more observant of their physical appearance. Look directly into their eye and, going one further, size them up. Firstly, eye contact indicates confidence, and that in itself is a dissuading characteristic. Secondly, they are dissuaded by the notion that this person could identify them in a line up. Also, stand up straight and look forward, not down at the ground. Again, this shows confidence. It also shows that one is aware of one's surroundings. Predators will often attack someone while they are caught off-guard – shuffling around for their wallet or playing with their cell phone. And, like “speaking” in the previous example, be loud. For example, if one finds oneself in a parking lot at night and some potentially dangerous stranger is approaching, one should turn to the nearest person (while keeping the “stranger” in one's peripheral vision) and stick one's hand up in the air in a waving gesture and yell, “Hey, [Random Name], how are you?” The person may look foolish, but this serves two purposes. One, it draws attention to the situation. A potential predator isn't going to attack someone if everyone in the immediate area is watching him or her. Two, it makes the potential predator believe that the potential victim has friends in the immediate area who will realize the victim has disappeared and will promptly contact the authorities if they hear said victim screaming bloody murder. Again, this is a dissuading notion.

These suggestions will lessen one's chances of being targeted by a predator, but nothing can guarantee it. It is always wise to receive training in self-defense. There are numerous strategies one can learn in order to not only prevent becoming a target but to escape the attack itself. It's also wise to take classes and the like that help one build confidence and become more assertive. These characteristics will make one a less appealing target and are also useful in everyday life.

One last note... There are not psychopathic murderers around every corner. Predators are very few and very, very far between. True, one should not jump into a relationship with both feet before noticing that the pool is actually filled with acid. But that does not necessarily mean locking one's dates in an interrogation room for further inspection before going to the diner either. Happy medium. Furthermore, not every jerk and chauvinist is a predator. Usually, they're just … jerks and chauvinists. But, hopefully, one would avoid those individuals anyway simply because they're unpleasant to be around.

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I may add more to this. There are books on the subject which I would like to consult, but they were not available to me at the time I wrote this.

[lynn P.]

I thought I'd better put a trigger since it talks about a near SA and break and enter.



Very good information Myers. I learned from experience how to be a horrible victim. At the age of 13 my brother in law tried to assault me - I pushed him away, locked myself in the bathroom, threatened to scream out the window/climb out the window if he didn't leave.

Another time a long time ago, my BF became drunk and unable to drive at his bosses Xmas party - I later realized the boss was pushing drinks on him all night. Unfortunately I fell for him driving me home, where he kept trying to entice me. When that failed he threatened he had a gun in dash compartment of the car, so I said "oh yeah lets see" and popped it open. I then told him "you better f'ing give up and take me home".

Once I had 2 men break into my house while I was at home. The moment I saw them I remembered a show I watched on how not to be victimized. Instead of acting scared, I yelled at them and they ran away(surprisingly). So I agree it's important to be the worst victim possible because they don't want a hard time.

I saw on Oprah and they were talking about this subject - they said if you're confronted in a parking lot, where they want to get you in their car....it's better to struggle and scream, even get shot in the parking lot, than cooperate and go in their car, because it will be much worse. Of course if a person has a gun and wants your money, you should just give it to them. But if they want you, it's better to struggle in a public place because the predator doesn't want a scene.

I think the biggest mistake we make with children, is to teach kids to be afraid of 'strangers' only. True they should be afraid of strangers, but what about 'nice' family members, neighbors and friends. Most predators don't look scary. Most kids are taught to respect adults - but we also need to give them permission to disrespect an adult if they cross boundaries. So if that nice person who's been grooming them turns ugly, they will have the power to fight them and say "NO".

When we're faced with being a victim, the 1st reaction is shock and we usually freeze. That's what happened to me when I was 13, but it lasted only seconds before I became furious for my sister's sake. We need to teach our loved ones how to be prepared in the face of danger and we also need to rehearse in our minds how to respond to dangerous situations. Thanks Myers for this informative post.

[Typo]

Thank you for sharing that Myers

and thank you for sharing too Lynn P, both posts where very informative.

Thanks, Myers.

[Rhiannonsmoon]

Informative and important information

[Perna]

Originally Posted by lynn P.

Of course if a person has a gun and wants your money, you should just give it to them.

My uncle worked in a bad part of town and, as owner of the business, sometimes worked late. He carried an "extra" $100 bill just for the purpose and, sure enough, he was held up (this is back in the 1960's or early 70's) and it's probably that larger amount of money that saved him; the thieves happily took it and ran instead of getting angry he didn't have "any" money and hurting him. He didn't realize the knife they held at his throat had "nicked" him and there was a bit of blood on his collar that my aunt found when she did the laundry.

[lynn P.]

Originally Posted by Perna

My uncle worked in a bad part of town and, as owner of the business, sometimes worked late. He carried an "extra" $100 bill just for the purpose and, sure enough, he was held up (this is back in the 1960's or early 70's) and it's probably that larger amount of money that saved him; the thieves happily took it and ran instead of getting angry he didn't have "any" money and hurting him. He didn't realize the knife they held at his throat had "nicked" him and there was a bit of blood on his collar that my aunt found when she did the laundry.

Thanks for sharing your story Perna and I'm glad it turned out well for your Uncle. I wanted to make sure to clarify, there's a difference in how one should behave if a predator is after personal possessions or your body. Of course every situation has to be analyzed at the time - should a person cooperate or appear confident.

With my situation with the break and enter - I know they were there because they wanted material possessions but I felt if I appeared scared it would give them the green light to steal what they wanted and perhaps hurt me. I feel I was very lucky it turned out in my favor. It really shook me up though.