I've never really felt comfortable expressing my anger,. Maybe out of guilt, as I've normally been catagorized as a more upbeat person, or because I've only really seen it expressed volatilly in my home life growing up. And there's never anything positive that comes out of it in the movies and tv shows. Just a bunch of violence and suffering, emotional and otherwise. So, I hate to be mean, but sometimes this mean person just comes out of me. I try and hold her inside, but she alights from all the social injustes and rediculousness of some ignorant people, as well as because of all the assholes out there. So then I feel bad because I've rather spread love, not hate, as has always been my true underlying unspoken motto. So, what do I do with this anger? Go for long walks, engage in relaxing substances, write, exercise, sleep, break shh, I don't know. It's really taxing though. W, if you read my other post from today ("Mental Health day"), then you'll know what I'm talking about. Not to mention the monkey on my back that is my mother. I hate to think of having to talk to her today. Too much added pressure. Anyway, I end up wearing myself out.

yup, I had to edit that, I get so worked up, I have trouble typing sometimes, I am normally a great speller, I caught like ten errors! lol.

[Rhiannonsmoon]

LabLover,

Oh dear! I have a 15 year old inside me that if she gets out she is liable to travel over 18,000 miles just to thump someone who's as ignorant as a dog...But I keep telling her that we all feel that way at times and we can't all give in to just belting someone up she would overly love fighting. But sensibility usually wins out (for the most part).

For me it comes down to what ignorance really is..is it someone who's upset a friend or is it someone who has hurt a child? Is it someone who wants to vent their spleen? or is it someone who peddles illicit drugs causing hurt pain and probably death?

There are too many soft bellies in the world who think they are the only ones right about anything...Too many people who are self absorbed and who must have a posse behind them to feel validated. They are the waste of space on this planet

[Perna]

The expression of anger is not the anger. Anger is an emotion much like all the others, it's to inform you how you're feeling about yourself in relation to the world. Something is bothering you!

Get "technical" and figure out how to figure out :-) and express exactly what that something is. Anger is a tool, lets you know when something needs fixing in your life, when one of your boundaries has been crossed or you're confused and things need straightening out. Don't look at the expression, look at the problem and state it.

"I left my car with you this morning, just paid $363.47 for repairs after doing without transportation for 10 hours and nothing has been done on the car." (My response instead was to burst into tears because I was afraid I was going to kill the shop foreman, not helpful :-)

When you have stated the problem, see if the other person agrees with that statement; sometimes we have it all wrong and mixed up! If they start with the excuses or ignorance or agree, you know you have hit the nail :-)

Tell someone what you want done, "I'd like you to fix your mistake immediately" and a time frame/consequence, "I'll be back in an hour/tomorrow morning/with Arnold Schwarzenegger :-)

And if you can't get satisfaction, help solving your problem (your car needs fixing is the problem; don't lose sight of the original problem!), "I want my money back now/am cancelling my check/talking to my credit card company and will be notifying the Better Business Bureau to file a complaint. I will not be bringing my car here for repair ever again and will be telling anyone who asks me about car repairs about my experience with you here today!"

THEN, reflect and figure out what you learned, what you will do differently next time; what you would like in the future! "Gee I wish I knew a good mechanic" might get you looking for one and asking friends who they take their car to and doing more research so you don't have to worry next time you have a problem. You can get to know your mechanic or, decide to become a mechanic/fix your own car, etc.

Anger, my lifetime bugaboo.

http://www.psychologytoday.com/print/1303
http://www.psychologytoday.com/print/2804
http://www.psychologytoday.com/print/37315
http://www.psychologytoday.com/print/3219

[barleysmile]

You sound like a beautiful, compassionate person. Meditation is the best, most effective means to overcome intense and destructive emotions. I meditate on complete emptiness. Because my life is intensely emotional it feels good to go completely quiet and feel that anger, fear or pain break away from my mind and leave me with the stillness I find peaceful. The more I need the meditation, the harder it is to reach that quiet place. When I'm in the 'thick of the storm' as it were, I imagine a mirror ball around me reflecting back the negative environment I'm in so that it never touches me. Good luck.