[tryingtobeme]

Has anyone had success in overcoming abandonment issues. I have BPD and have extreme abandonment issues. Has anyone ever learned to really get ahold of feeling like they are always going to be abandoned. This is a big hurdel for me that is stalling my therapy. I would love to hear anyone's success story or any ideas that you have tried that have worked for you.

[Rhiannonsmoon]

Hello ((((tryingtobeme))))

I struggled very badly with abandonment I realised that there was nothing I could do about it and that I was not going to spend the rest of my life worrying about anyone leaving me. If they did they did, I don't know who coined this phrase but it helped me

Don't worry about those who didn't make it from your past to your future
There is always a very good reason they didn't, and it is always to your benefit

I don't know that this will help you in any way ttbm, but it helped me because it put things into perspective.

I really hope you are able to work through these awful feelings of abandonment and make it to a very comfortable place, living one day at a time, but planning for your happiest hopes and dreams to come true,

Rhiannon

[Perna]

Lots of therapy and listening to good music makes it easier

It's my own design
It's my own remorse
Help me to decide
Help ME make the most
Of freedom and of pleasure
Nothing ever lasts forever
Everybody wants to rule the world

[ECHOES]

I think that there are a lot of parts to abandonment.

Part is our perceptions: is the person abandoning us, or is that just our thought?

Part is the lack of control of others, their coming and going. Ackowledging that we have no control and coming to peaceful terms with it. We are all separate. Letting go of the false idea that we can control others is hard but relieving too.

Part of it is learning how we feel about being alone. It can be very frightening and there is much to learn about what frightens.

Looking at each part, and each piece of each part, in therapy might be helpful.

http://www.psychologytoday.com/print/43633
http://www.lifescript.com/Soul/Self/...nment.aspx?p=1

[barleysmile]

Can't say I've 'overcome' abandonment issues but I do have a thought on that. I'm focusing on being there for myself. I have to remember that others need and expect me to protect my own interests. But instead I automatically let my needs fall away in preference to the expectations and desires of others. It's a part of my upbringing. I was molested at 6 yrs old. I was taught to lie about my injuries to protect the molester who was my grandfather. I was raised to believe that my needs were irrelevant and that it was urgent for me to put them aside.

You should be your first and strongest advocat. It's not selfishness. It's natural to most people. Be there for yourself first. Everyone else is just icing on the cake. Think of things you've done for yourself, to make yourself happier, healthier or just better and be proud of it. Believe that you deserve it. Like joining this forum. This is you taking care of your needs. I hope this helps.