[Evening]

I'm doing it again, I'm obsessing about how I look. I started looking at pictures on Facebook of the attractive people I know, trying to analyse everything they are wearing, how they are posing in pictures, what they've done with their hair, how they are smiling- to try and find ways to make myself look better, so I know what to wear, what make-up I should get, how I should pose for photos. But whenever I do these things it makes it worse. If I spend a long time in the mirror I'll get to the point I can't actually look at myself at all and won't want to even go out anymore.

I tried to talk about it to my therapist on the rare occasion I saw her, but even though I made it EXTREMELY clear to her I don't want her to make comments on my appearance while I talked to her, she did it anyway, quite a few times, trying to subtly slip it into whatever she was saying. I couldn't cope with that and it made me angry.

And I've GOT to get my teeth and ears fixed. I can't look like this anymore. I don't know what to do about it. I was told there is something available for people who can't afford dental work and that I have to get a referral from a doctor. What if it's not true? What if I'm not eligible? What if it's not enough to make my teeth look better? What if I get a job during that time and I can't get it anymore? I also have not been able to be awake in the day to even get to a doctor. I have been considering getting 2 jobs at the same time to earn the money to get myself fixed up.

I've been invited to 2 parties on the same night. I don't want to go because of the alcohol, but if I do go I will want to do this and this and this to make myself look good. There is a dress I want to buy, I want my hair done, etc.. I know it will get to the day, and I'll not want to go after trying to get myself done up. I'll realise just how hideous I am and not want to go at all, I'll want to die. And it does get to that point, that I just want to die because I hate how I look.

I rarely even get comments from guys anymore, so all I can think is I'm looking worse as I get older.

I hate feeling this way, I hate analysing other people for wrinkles and flaws to make myself feel better (even though most of the time I end up feeling even worse because everyone seems to look good but me).

[Perna]

Originally Posted by Evening

I tried to talk about it to my therapist on the rare occasion I saw her, but even though I made it EXTREMELY clear to her I don't want her to make comments on my appearance while I talked to her, she did it anyway, quite a few times, trying to subtly slip it into whatever she was saying. I couldn't cope with that and it made me angry.

Presumably you want to feel better about how you look? Or what? What do you want? I don't think you perceive yourself the way others do and, I think in order to understand how others do perceive you and perceive yourself more that way, you probably have to discuss how you perceive yourself and then how others perceive you. How would you like healing to take place, seeing's how your outside looks are what are most important to you at this time? Do you not want to have to "think" about your looks, not have them be as important to you?

[Evening]

I would LIKE to be able to discuss with my therapist about how I feel about myself and how comments from others make me feel WITHOUT them commenting on my appearance after I've specifically requested them not to. It was only the very first time I'd attempted to discuss it with ANYONE face to face, I'd like my therapist to not make me feel uncomfortable when I barely have the courage to bring it up with people as it is.
And my outside looks are not what's most important for me at this time, there are many things that are important to me. That just sounds as though I'm trying to be vain.
I can't help feeling this way, I can't help not being able to look in the mirror without hating myself.

[Mrinurmind]

Originally Posted by Evening

I would LIKE to be able to discuss with my therapist about how I feel about myself and how comments from others make me feel WITHOUT them commenting on my appearance after I've specifically requested them not to. It was only the very first time I'd attempted to discuss it with ANYONE face to face, I'd like my therapist to not make me feel uncomfortable when I barely have the courage to bring it up with people as it is.
And my outside looks are not what's most important for me at this time, there are many things that are important to me. That just sounds as though I'm trying to be vain.
I can't help feeling this way, I can't help not being able to look in the mirror without hating myself.

New to posting and such but Ill try. It may not seem like much but Ive been trying to reply for about 2 hours but got lost in thought sry, And had to re log and start fresh. I know something about the pain and the problems negative feelings of ones self can create , but that's why you need too really push yourself to tell your therapist what you feel and why. Thats the only way they can help you heal. Maybe try other methods like email or a letter. You told us without having to voice anything.
We all want to feel accepted and fit in, it's not vain and I don't think anyone could blame you for wanting surgery. Its like stopping the source and the therapist can help you recover from the damage done.If its really physical or just your own self perception I would talk with your therapist first.This stuff you probably already know. Anyways take care and I really do wish you the best .