[wisewoman]

So that is the goal of therapy, of self healing, to learn skills and try them out in the real world. Well, I am not sure that I will be able to describe this or not but here goes.

In my life I am a what you see is what you get person. I am honest even when I should not be and have shot myself in the foot several tiomes because of this.

I for some really weird reason considering my history, expect my colleagues and other people in my life to be straight forward and honest as well. Sometimes gossip will get back to me and I will be surprised and confused. I don't work that way.

In my job I have people I do NOT really like to deal with. They feel dishonest to me and I am careful with them but I am always kind and respectful. That is who I am. I am not mean.

Okay, so here I constantly see stuff happening here on this board that I have no clue about. We are hurting eachother and doing damage instead of helping? Are we trying out our life skills here before going to the broader world? Or, are we allowing ourselves to be dysfunctional because it's somewhat annonomous and it's a board?

How can we learn from the problems we see here? How can we not get affected by the dynamics that we don't even see or know about but then Bam, it happens, someone is devastated to the heart and leaves us. That hurts me so much to imagine that suffering and pain that makes people want to go away and be annonomous. Another member did the same thing recently.

What can we do to stop this place from becoming a war zone? I am here for support, the giving and the getting. I am here for loving as I know it is a possibility for each of us to love others in a respectful celebratory kind of way.

It's not to say that I haven't had issues with some posters or what they have said, just that I don't need to fight that battle. We are all different and have to choose our own battles.

For me, I come here because my life is a battle and i am tired and I look here for support. I get smiles from replies and understanding and a sense of not being so alone.

It seems like for me this should be our focus here, this above as well as sharing information, comforting, or keeping our mouths shut when what we are going to reply to someone will escalate a situation rather then helping.

Just thoughts from the dark. I want unconditional love and positive high regard.

[dexter]

((((((((wisewoman))))))))

I'm a little tired to respond right now, but I agree this should be a place of support. I don't believe that people here ever intentionally hurt one another. I have been a member of other communities (of all sorts of different hobbies) and it is rare that I see one with such a sense of true community and friendship that this one has. There is one other online community I have been a member of that is similar. I have found that even in that community there is possibility of dissension and very hurt feelings. In many ways I believe that the other community I speak of is so close because of strict rules for posting, and those rules in themselves sometimes cause a lot of dissention. I think the same happens sometimes here. I don't know anything about "current events" here because I have been away for so long.

I think I'm babbling a bit because I am so tired. Hope to have something more constructive in the morning.

But I do share your wish for an open and supportive community here.

[CedarS]

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What can we do to stop this place from becoming a war zone? I am here for support, the giving and the getting. I am here for loving as I know it is a possibility for each of us to love others in a respectful celebratory kind of way.


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What a wonderful post! You have laid out the discussion, posed the questions, stated what you see as most supportive, and in a sense also lovingly challenged the rest of us to make our choices also.

For me, it has been easy online in the past, elsewhere, to just float along, without good boundaries and wise choices. I eventually learned I have to be aware and on purpose here online too. Being behind the monitor is no guarantee of emotional safety of any sort.

So I add my vote to your motion. I'm for positive high regard and support. I will keep working on making wise choices.

Sarah

[SleepsWithButterFlies]

Wow Wisewoman as always a very good and thought provoking post..I thought on it and I think we act as we do because we still do NOT have the skills we wish we had and thus we do the best we can with what we have. Much as we do in real life...Sometimes a hair trigger reaction stemming from the past comes up and I bet it takes us all a LONG time to be able to look back and say to overselves..Ugh I did or said that because of old tapes in my head when I was a preteen ....and so on..I really don't think at least for myself that I am evolved enough yet to be well if that makes sense ....so when I come here I am ME raw and uncut Like yourself I am VERY honest and straight forward and make no pretense and feel very sad when I receive less than I TRY to give..I say TRY because I know I have not made it to where I wish to be emotionally
Does that make any sense?

[wisewoman]

Makes perfect sense. I am not where I want to be either. I want each day to feel like more then just something to get through. You are right also about speaking from that raw place but I guess I am saying we could try to filter that and try out ways that might be more healthy to respond when buttons are pushed or old tapes start playing. Easier said then done I know.

[wisewoman]

Okay, I am all confused and really trying to understand this whole life thing. Yes we can disagree, look at our lovely politicians. I guess I am speaking about emotional safety and moving in a direction of peace. Am I understood?

[SleepsWithButterFlies]

I get ya Wisewoman I really do.....but I think and maybe I am naive but I think sometimes people can come to the table wishing for the same thing...peace and happiness for all...but without meaning to or knowing it....the way they approach it being different....neither good nor bad.....brings sparks and then bamm-o it all falls to hell. It's sad but true.
I may PM you a for instance

[Rapunzel]

I'm a what you see is what you get kind of person too. And you made some excellent points. There is a danger in this kind of community where we only interact with each other online from the other side of our monitors. There is a tendency sometimes to forget that the other people out there on the other sides of their monitors are real people with real feelings too.

I think that there is a lot that is good about this community too. Being able to talk this way is easier for some, including me, and then there is the accessibility. I don't know what I would do without my friends here. We do need to keep each other safe emotionally though, and that is everybody's responsibility. This needs to be a place where we try out our new and developing skills, try for the best results possible, and respect each other, and also forgive each other when something doesn't work out so well.

[wisewoman]

AHMEN both of yous