Confirmed: Isolation is Better For Me

Sometimes I actually think that I might just be doing okay- that maybe things are not as bad as they use to be. I have always thought there was so much wrong with me because I an so depressed and regretful, I really don't have/want any close friends, and I am completely uncomfortable in social situations- very impulsive etc...I could go on and on but won't.

So then I got into this place- a comfort zone- where I have just tried to ignore those things. Highs and lows but nothing long-lasting. Part of me thought that this was my gradual understanding of myself- increased coping skills- getting older etc. But none of that seems really true. I am doing better because I have isolated myself, have no job, and have limited contact with people.

Yesterday I ventured out to try to do some xmas things ahead of time, since it will be busy soon with my kids coming home. Even though I tried to avoid the usual xmas bad scenes for people, it was a nightmare. My head was spinning. I was flailing- a completely unorganized, anxiety ridden overwhelmed and distressed basketcase. And no, I wasn't even standing in long limes or traffic. Very small decisions were making me crazy. I was talking to myself all day going "WTH is wrong with me?!" I just wanted to be home.

I was so glad to walk in my door and see my cats. But then I am faced with the need-to- do- something- worthwhile- I- am- a- complete- loser- I- have- wasted- my- life- no- one- likes- me- I am- ugly- and- old- and- fat state of mind, but it someone seemed a better place to be, a better alternative to how I felt earliier in the day.

Yeah, ok, I think isolation is better for me. I guess, but maybe it's not. Or maybe it is. I am not good at finding balance of any kind.

Hello, Hayward, and welcome to PC!
I can identify with much of what you've described. I actually require a certain amount of quiet and solitude. There is nothing wrong with that, but perhaps a little-at-a-time exposure to social situations would be more manageable. I'm with you on the holiday shopping!
Patty

hi, haywood,

I, too, am an isolationist. I don't know what the cure is. People don't seem to like me much. I have a hard time smiling, am awkward in social situations and am far from being good looking.

But, Christmas shopping I can do! I've done some of it online and have avoided crowds and used the time I would have spent travelling to make decisions which I am also slow to do. And, I simplify things. This year, most people (the "general family adults + neighbors" - not the kids) are getting scented candles. I love 'em and they make nice gifts. (I only buy them on sale, too.)

Oh, and when Christmas shopping, don't forget to buy a little something for yourself that you really want - something meaningful that no one else knows about, however small. Treating yourself will counter the feelings that you are not important and have not accomplished anything. You will have succeeded in making yourself happy, even for a fleeting moment. And, you are taking care of your emotional needs. Every little bit of satisfaction helps.

hayward, what makes you think all the others out trying to beat the crowds dont feel that way too? I was sitting at traffic lights yesterday and the advertising board read "your not stuck in traffic, you are the traffic", your post reminded me of that.