[cms39]

I guess I'll just stay on the board. I can't get into the groove with everybody else.

chat doesn't work fo rme. everyone knows each other and i feel like a dolt. so, i don't go. it's lonely and awkward.

[cms39]

Thank you Fay. I guess I know that about me now too.

[ozzie]

I'm pretty bad at chatting too. I always say dumb things....if I can think of anything at all to say. I guess the written word is my thing but I go in the chat room once in a while to see if I'm any better at chatting.

[tamzinrose]

I agree. Even on the boards people seem to have like...cliques going on. Kinda feel like an outsider.

[dexter]

I know sometimes it feels like that. But I think sometimes there can be several people in the room, and only two of them know each other, and it makes it "feel" like everyone knows everyone and you are the odd-man-out.

Also some people are just naturally chatty, and if you are generally quiet it can feel like you are left out. This happens IRL too.

If you really feel like chat will be beneficial to you, you can always go in, and if you don't feel comfortable in the conversation, try moving into one of the other rooms there, one of the empty rooms, and someone may follow. This way you can be a part of a fresh conversation. If no one follows you to the new room, it is probably because they are assuming you are planning to meet someone in there to talk privately. You can always tell people in the main room that you are moving to a new room, and would like some company, or that you need to talk, and see if that attracts people.

That said, some people just can't get comfortable in chat. Nothing wrong with that, that's why we have the forums here too. Different dynamic, different feel. I see some people who seem to be in chat a lot but don't post on the boards very often.

[dexter]

I hope you don't continue to feel that way tamzinrose.

((((((((tamzinrose))))))))

Some people have been here a long long time. But most people here enjoy meeting new people and learning about them and becoming new friends.

This is a great place for support and I hope you are able to get the support and understanding that you need here.

[CedarS]

I could restate what Dave said, but really, he said it best! What a great post.

i am one of the naturally chatty ones when it comes to the chat room, i talk to anyone, it doesnt matter if you are new to chat or a "regular" or even if you dont want to speak, just watch and get yourself comfortable first, there is no rush.

when i am in there i always say hi to everyone who comes in, dont feel awkward or feel like you dont fit in in there, if you have a opinion on the topic/ topics or question you want to ask just ask and someone will answer you.

simon

[CedarS]

Simon, wonderful post too, now I'll think of you as a Chat Ambassador, if I try chat and feel awkward, I'll sit next to you and watch the chat for awhile. Good way to get more comfortable.

[__zh]

Re: CHAT We'll start off with what Doc John ends with in the quote below: chat isn't for everyone. We go through phases of being up to the attention required to chat and then periods when we just don't have a single thing to contribute.

Last November Doc John wrote a post about chat that remains pertinent. In fact we're sure we've linked or quoted this post before in regards to chat issues that arise from time to time. </font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Folks, chat is chat. It is, by its very nature and definition, a fluid and ever-changing environment. Expecting it to be A, B or C all the time, no matter what the circumstance or participants, is unrealistic. Here or in any online chat room.

In order for your needs to be met (online or in real life), we all have to learn to assert ourselves. This is not always easy and in fact, I think most people have troubles with doing so. Especially when we are hurting or in need the most. That is probably some sort of cruel irony, yet it's probably true for most....

The gist is simple -- if you need support at an especially difficult time, you have to go into chat and find a way to ask for it.

If others in the chat ignore you or continue their social chat, then yes, perhaps they are being thoughtless. Or perhaps they are not, because as others have said, it's hard to guess other people's motives without getting inside their heads. Regardless, you can ask again or come back another time when there are other, more thoughtful people in the room who will pause their social chat and try to be supportive of your immediate needs.

And this is not just directed at any one person...

As I said, chat is an ever-changing, fluid environment and it is best to acknowledge its nature rather than trying to force it into being something it's not. It's not for everyone.

DocJohn

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

[cms39]

yeah, I know. It's not for me.

[tamzinrose]

I'm sorry.

[tamzinrose]

Sorry to you too. I won't doubt the boards again.

[dexter]

tamzinrose, no need to be sorry!

Feelings are NEVER invalid or reason to apologize.

My only point in posting was in the hope that you will continue to give this place a chance... because it can be a wonderful, supportive community.

I tried to offer a bit of explanation in hope that you might be able to break through the feeling of being an outsider. That is not a good feeling, I know. And depression makes that feeling worse, and also makes it a sort of "self fulfilling prophecy". It can be worth it to try to break through those feelings to get the support you need. I am speaking of depression in generalized terms here, not purposing to know exactly what you are feeling right now or where you have or have not been with your coping with your depression.

If it helps, try to ignore the "cliques" that tend to form. We have lots of new members every day. Maybe you can engage and form friendships with some of them. Post as much as you feel comfortable with... when something hits a vein of truth with other people, you will find lots of responses and lots of new friends.

[cms39]

What are you sorry for Tam? You didn't do anything. I'm lost. Nobody did anything wrong.

[tamzinrose]

Nah, it's ok. Don't worry about it.

[tamzinrose]

Thanks.