[SophiaG]

I registered for PC a few years ago and since then ive gone to a few support forums.

Over time, listening to many people with problems, ive begun to doubt the merit of being a sympathetic listener. There seems to be an endless line of people with problems (me included). Listening to people doesnt seem to really help them. Its also emotionally tiring and can induce feelings of helplessness or frustration if the person has endless sorts of problems and/or never solves their problems and seems to have the same ones over and over.

Is it really noble to be emotionally supportive?? Whats more, is it really useful for someone with mental health problems to talk to someone thatll just listen to them? Is it really cathartic or does it just exaccerbate problems, or...well, does it do nothing for the person being listened to?

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by SophiaG

I registered for PC a few years ago and since then ive gone to a few support forums.

Over time, listening to many people with problems, ive begun to doubt the merit of being a sympathetic listener. There seems to be an endless line of people with problems (me included). Listening to people doesnt seem to really help them. Its also emotionally tiring and can induce feelings of helplessness or frustration if the person has endless sorts of problems and/or never solves their problems and seems to have the same ones over and over.

Is it really noble to be emotionally supportive?? Whats more, is it really useful for someone with mental health problems to talk to someone thatll just listen to them? Is it really cathartic or does it just exaccerbate problems, or...well, does it do nothing for the person being listened to?

Sometimes all people need is to be heard. especially if throughout their life time they have been told "dont tell" "bad things will happen to you your family your friends if you talk to anyone about this"

talking to others that have gone through the same things can be very helpful, and is very therapeutic. if it wasnt you wouldnt have mental and medical providers refering their clients to therapy, therapy groups, support groups.

But you are also correct that some people need more than a listening ear that can be found on line. support groups are not meant to take the place of your own treatment providers and the care that they can give through medical and mental services.

I bet if you read real close when going to these support type websites you will find disclaimers saying the site is not meant to replace your real time medical and mental health services and isnt meant to replace your medical doctors, psychiatrists, psychologists, therapists and what ever treatment they have you on.

[kikki27]

Originally Posted by SophiaG

I registered for PC a few years ago and since then ive gone to a few support forums.

Over time, listening to many people with problems, ive begun to doubt the merit of being a sympathetic listener. There seems to be an endless line of people with problems (me included). Listening to people doesnt seem to really help them. Its also emotionally tiring and can induce feelings of helplessness or frustration if the person has endless sorts of problems and/or never solves their problems and seems to have the same ones over and over.

Is it really noble to be emotionally supportive?? Whats more, is it really useful for someone with mental health problems to talk to someone thatll just listen to them? Is it really cathartic or does it just exaccerbate problems, or...well, does it do nothing for the person being listened to?

Yeah that true

[LittleForgetMeNot]

I think there is a difference between being a sympathetic ear online and in real life. I mean, everyone here is really supportive and it helps to have some advice or reassurance but my problems don't go fully away until I talk about it with a therapist or someone in my program. I spent years not talking about my depression and it didn't help at all, if anything it got worse because I felt more alone than anything. I started talking about it to a few friends online, and here and it gave me the confidence to open up to the people around me in my life.

But then again, is it useful for someone to talk to another that'll just listen? That's hard, because without the advice there.. hm.. I don't think its useful I think when you talk you're asking for help or at least I do. I want to be told some advice, reassured in some way.. I used to talk to someone who would only respond with "that sucks" to everything I said, and it seemed like he was just a diary than a friend and it didn't really help me at all.

[madisgram]

i find postings at pc work both ways. i rarely start a thread re my bipolar/unipolar but there have been times when i become so depressed that it helps inbetween seeing my pdoc or T. it doesn't necessarily change things. the responses in those cases i find helpful in ways others deal with depression or by validating my feelings. it's like venting, sort of like a teapot when it whistles.
but you do make a valid point, imho, when replies are over generalized or mundane.
another thing i notice that seems somewhat in line with your thoughts-there are ppl here that appear to not get better over time. i wonder why...is it a lack of effective treatment or just ppl who want attention but don't want to really improve? like focusing on the negative and not trying solutions.

[KathyM]

I still believe it has true value, but there should be a real connection. There's a big difference between hearing and listening. Cookie-cutter responses sometimes fall flat, but not always. If a person truly cares, even awkward attempts at support can be greatly beneficial.

When I'm in need, it helps to have someone listen to me - especially if they've endured the same problem. I appreciate their compassion and any advice they can give. Even if I choose not to take their advice, the interaction helps me to better understand my dilemma and helps me figure out a way to get myself out and move forward.

[SophiaG]

Thank you all for your responses. They are interesting.

[wing]

I think there are people who frequent these sites that just need a place to vent. The ultimate responsibility for improving oneself lies with the person, and sometimes the responses given can be truly helpful.
That being said, I do believe that there are needy people out there who need far more help than venting can provide, and those who do, indeed, crave attention.
It's pretty easy to distinguish among them by reading between the lines.

[IceCreamKid]

I think there is value in listening. Not only for the speaker but for the listener.

[KathyM]

Good point IceCreamKid

My husband and I were stranded late one night in the city. We walked to the nearest gas station to find a phone to call for a taxi. I sat on a guard rail next to a building as my husband fumbled with an out-of-date phone booth. By all appearances, it looked like I was alone.

A disheveled homeless man who was obviously drunk (carrying a bottle in a paper bag) wandered over and sat down next to me. It was a beautiful night, so we just sat together quietly. I noticed a group of people approaching on the sidewalk. When they got a glimpse of him they stopped in their tracks, then walked out into the street in order to avoid him - as if he were contagious.

He looked over at me and saw my disgust in their behavior. We laughed a little, then he told me a story. He lost his wife and kids when their home burned to the ground, then he lost his job and car, then he lost himself. He offered me a sip of his wine, but I declined.

When we were getting into the taxi to go home, the man yelled out to us "Bless you!" My husband later laughed at me because he saw the man offer me his wine - he said "Leave it to you to charm the wine out of a wino."

I didn't do anything - I just listened to his story, and I enjoyed his company.