[Junerain]

My boyfriend of 8 months has his trial for his second DWI tomorrow morning. We have a very loving relationship, and are thinking of getting married at some point in the future. I will miss him terribly if he goes to jail, the D.A. is asking for 6 months in jail. His own lawyer will probably request the jail time to begin two weeks from tomorrow, if he is found guilty. It will be a strange two weeks, also strange when he gets out of jail, I imagine. I have many activities I am involved with to keep me busy, many friends, many church activities, many support groups, which I will have to rely on. I will have to visit him Mondays and Thursdays, and send letters, and bring magazines. So I do have a plan with what to do with my time, my T is helping me with this. Any thoughts on how to prepare myself emotionally for what is to come? Thank you.

[sabby]

It sounds to me like you are already preparing yourself for the possibility of your bf going to jail. It seems like you have many things lined up to partake in to keep you busy which will surely help the time pass more quickly and easily for you.

About the only other thing I can think of is to try hard not to worry or become stuck in the sadness of the time you will be apart. There is nothing you can possibly do to change what the outcome will be and perseverating on any "what ifs' or "if only's" will make things harder for you. Try concentrating on the future when he gets out....the plans you can make, what he can do to not get into this same position again, how you can both help him to get and stay sober, what your dreams are for each other, etc etc. One always needs hope in order to keep moving forward and making changes.

I'm glad you have a T to run things by and to be there for you when you need them. My intuition tells me you are going to be fine ((((((( Junerain ))))))), just keep doing the positive things you need to do and it will all come together for you!

Be well
sabby

[(JD)]

You and your T know best. I think keeping the distance from this, in essence that we are all responsible for our choices and actions, and not making this your problem, will be good. Yes, it does affect you.

I rather hope that he does end up where he can get dry and realize that he has to stay away from that stuff...or you and he are in for a sad life together, imo. that whatever is best for both of you, occurs.

You and he are in my thoughts, Junerain.

[IceCreamKid]

You might want to visit an Al-Anon meeting or two.

[lonegael]

Good luck hun. Remember to keep that network up and runing after the marriage too. people forget how much they need the outside contacts once they get into a marriage! HUGGGGSSSSS

[shnookey]

Good luck with everything. It really sounds like you've got things under control.

[SophiaG]

I hope your boyfriend gets help for his drinking problem. Both for his sake and yours.

Sounds like you have a good plan up and running on how to cope with his absence.

[eskielover]

Know in your heart that what ever happens is for his best interest. Maybe he needs the jail time to knock the reality into his mind that drinking is a problem & drinking & driving is NOT ALLOWED.

I know that your common sense tells you this. Think that if he doesn't get the help he needs to stop his drinking that marriage to him might not be a good idea......so in reality, I think that what has happened to him now could be the best thing to insure that he will want to change, so that your marriage in the long run will stand a chance of being successful.

Your support during this time is important as long as he is serious about changing & getting in control of his drinking (which means stopping drinking completely).....the whole situation could draw you both closer together as long as you know not to enable his drinking behavior with your support.

Think your friends, your T, & your church activities are keeping you knowing what is right & the truth about the situation. Staying in reality is the most important during this time. Staying in the day to day analyzation of how things are going is important. Think you will be fine & your BF will be fine as long as you put your trust in God & follow His guidance, then all this will become a thing of the past, but a good reminder of how serious drinking & drinking & driving really is.

Much better that it be jail that he has to live through then a constant reminder of a horrible accident that might have killed someone because of the drinking.......let it be a good learning tool that God has provided to instill the seriousness even deeper.

Know you both will be fine as long as you both put your lives in God's hands.