[sujunew]

I was asked a question today (I am studying social work at the moment) which I don't know the answer to and was wondering what others thought please...

How do you ask for help when you know you need it but are too scared to and can't physicaly bring yourself to ask.

I believe that this was given as an open philisophical dilemma as much of our course involves introspection and becoming aware and learning about ourselves, our limitations, and self-care...

The way the question is presented leaves much to be desired. What are the limits on "physically bring yourself to ask"? Does that rule out a written request? How about acting out and getting committed? Is that ruled out too? Is asking a friend to ask for you out of bounds?

If so, what seems to remain is overcoming your fear to ask for help yourself. Of course, that would mean the person at least to some extent is able to help her/himself.

Frankly, I do not understand the benefit of asking a question that appears to be answerable with an "I guess you don't get help." Perhaps praying for divine intervention is a possibility?

[SophiaG]

Personally, I would recommended that the person read some self-help books on the topic which distressed them, if they couldn't ask for help otherwise.

Or, work slowly with yourself, journaling things and building up the courage.

[eskielover]

I also believe that we may not be capable of asking for help at a certain time, but as we work through things in our minds, there are times when asking for help or things that we need becomes more & more possible with time & understanding of ourselves. Things change over time which even includes the way we look at things causing our abilities to change also.

[ladyjrnlist]

Sometimes, things have to get to a crisis point first, unfortunately. They did for me. I didn't even know I needed help.

[Crew]

The way I would answer that question would be to

feel the fear and do it anyway. That is what I was always told. I think there is a saying about it on one of those expensive plagues they sell in magazines.
Anyway... my answer would be to feel the powerful fear and use it to your advantage to do it anyway.

Good Luck.... oh, hey what is your answer?

Take Care, Crew

[KathyM]

I would first separate all my wants from needs, then whittle down my needs to what is truly needed in order to exist and survive - not just a "severe want." Without that particular need, I would perish.

When it's absolutely impossible for me to fulfill this need on my own, I would swallow my pride and ask for help - but I would require those who help me to stay on track and not try to trick me into services, bells and whistles I don't need or want. My simple need should not be an excuse for another person to have complete control over me or my life.

[anna342]

Ways I've seen it done by others:

- Body language.
- Acting out and not hiding it (obvious self harm).
- Behaving in a manner that attracts attention for example- walking in the middle of roads where you know cars are too slow to hit but someone will have to pay attention, getting in trouble with the law etc.
- Talking around the subject and setting the situation up so that people will then ask and find out more.

The way I try to do it is find a way to just override the fear, the fear cannot kill me and won't go away till I address the problem so there is no point in holding information from people. If I want help I need to ask for it.

[Skully]

I was often uncomfortable asking for help when I needed it. I am a very strong and independent person and it is difficult to admit I needed help. Like ladyjrnlist said, sometimes it has to come to a crisis before you "see the light" and that is what happened to me. Since then, I have learned to be more comfortable with my feelings and how to express them without sounding like a whinning baby all the time. Once I learned how to ask for support when I needed it, my life has been so much better and I feel like for the first time in my life I am truly stable!

[sujunew]

Thanks everyone. There is no 'answer', as I said "I believe that this was given as an open philisophical dilemma" but I was really interested to know how others would respond to the same question. It really intrigued me, esp as a trainee social worker who is there to walk alongside others empowering them but not telling them what to do LOL!

[mgran]

I was eventually driven to ask for help, because my life was obviously heading for a major crises... which funnily enough wouldn't have bothered me, but for my son. I realised I had a responsibility to him not to completely crack up, and finally started making (initially feeble) attempts to get help. Fortunately the professionals involved more than met me half way, and eventually I was able to face the truth. Since then things have been much better, and please God I'm never that desperate again.

[IceCreamKid]

Originally Posted by sujunew

I was asked a question today (I am studying social work at the moment) which I don't know the answer to and was wondering what others thought please...

How do you ask for help when you know you need it but are too scared to and can't physicaly bring yourself to ask.

I believe that this was given as an open philisophical dilemma as much of our course involves introspection and becoming aware and learning about ourselves, our limitations, and self-care...

If I were in the helping business, (some think it is a calling. I think it should be a calling) I'd set up more than one way to ask for help to catch as many people as possible. Telephone, email address, snail mail address, and a concerned and observant manner, as in "I sense you are upset about something. How may I help?" Many, many people will tell you, if you appear ready to listen and care. And it might take offering to help more than once.

[violetmoons]

write it down and pass it to the person and run away...that's me