[inkblot]

Hoping to hear Doc say "Abracadabra!" as he waves his magic wand to cure us of our ills. I recall he said a while back that his wand was broken; hope its fixed now. I have so much stress and problems lately. Last week there was a problem with me going to the overnight shelter sites that I want to. I had a very bad time emotionally with that, but have since managed to get the original problem solved so that I now can go to any site that I want to. That problem actually carried over into this week. During that time, I stopped taking all my pills--allergy related and Lexapro--which quickly turned into a sinus infection. I spent time at the hospital ER a couple days ago getting an antibiotic for that, and by that time it was just starting to my lungs as the nurse heard a little wheezing (though my breathing was very good), and my temp was around 103. I went back on all my meds except the Lexapro. With more stresses, I stopped taking the antibiotic! and missed a dose or two, took one, then missed two doses today. I finally took one a little while ago. I am on Augmentin 875mg, which is twice a day. Last night I received three text messages on my cell phone from my stalker! The Order of Protection just expired on September 30th, so he can't be sent to jail now for contacting me. I had PTSD problems before with him stalking me, and I still do! I had such an emotional time since I got these messages from him. A lof of tears. I checked with someone at the police department and I can't get another order against him unless he does something to show threat or abuse. Well, *I* consider any contact he has with me to be *Emotional Abuse*. I can't take any more of him--I can't go through that PTSD and paranoia and everything again! You mean to tell me that there is no way to stop him right now?! Besides that and more, today I picked up TWO *CERTIFIED* letters--one was from my car insurance company and the other from the IRS. The insurance company says they are now cancelling my car insurance as of this next Tuesday the 25th because I am so far behind on my bill. The IRS says that I haven't paid them, though I did and received a confirmation of payment. I called them a while back and the IRS evidently applied my payment to the wrong government account (not sure how that worked), and next thing I know I receive a tax REFUND check in the mail the next week for less than the amount I payed/owed in taxes. Now I get this bill asking for their money or they will garnish or whatever it says in their own government terms. Plus, I have the job offer to work as a civilian with the Navy at one of their hospitals. I have a job physical for that this Tueday. I have no idea how the heck I will pass the physical because of all these cuts on my body. Also, I might not even be allowed on base to have the physical because I will not have insurance then because that will be the first day of it being expired, and auto insurance/registration is REQUIRED for any personal vehicle to get on the military base there. Another thing, no insurance + winter coming isn't good. And I was in an accident a few years ago and haven't had money to cover cost of the deductible, so the car still hasn't been fixed. I have barely worked the past few years, mostly I think, because of PTSD related problems and other stresses taking tolls. Problems withy my stalker contacting me could potentially mean more problems with my ex-husband if he decides to not let me see the kids again. I have gotten such little amounts of sleep, and of what I do is very, very light with bad, stressful dreams. My coping is making me think that I need to do more damage to my personal self. There is so much more that I am forgetting to mention.

[CedarS]

(((((((((((((((((inky)))))))))))))))

Remind me, do you have a therapist? Anyone you can call right away? Are you safe?

[jmo531]

Oh Inky,

You have so much going on right now. I sure wish I had a magic wand to make it all go away for you. I am so sorry all this is happening at once.

(((((((((((((((((((((Inky))))))))))))))))))))

[BlueFaith]

((((((Inky))))))
I am here if you need to talk to someone. I, also, am so sorry all of this is happening to you especially all at one time. Please try to stay safe, and take care of yourself.

[Greenleaves]

I'm so sorry for what you are going through Inky..it sounds very overwhelming.

Is there anyway you could go to the military base using public transportation?

[(JD)]

((((((((INKY)))) Take care of yourself.

I doubt DocJohn can wave any wand, as that is a form of religion and such actions are not allowed here.. but I bet he would if he could

(((((((((((((((Inky))))))))))))))))

I'm so sorry. You are going through so much. Do you have someone close by that could help you with all this? Do you know someone who could share apartment with you?

Please stay safe!

Time0

[jbug]

((((((((((inky))))))))))))))) I hope you are ok. Can you call your Therapist and leave him a voice mail telling him that your life is crappy right now and you need some help?

Jbug

[DocJohn]

I'm very sorry to hear it inky.... I hope you can hang in there during this stressful time and know there are many people here in this world that support and care about you!!

(((((((( ink )))))))))

[inkblot]

Thank you, everyone. Today was a little better but *CHAOTIC* at work! The past few days I've had more strong thoughts about doing the "P" word. Um, that's purging by my T's terms. I really want to. I did twice yesterday, just small amounts, but it was easy. I am "gifted" that it seems to come so natural to me. I am sure that my eating habits are changing again. Honestly, I know that I could use more help with everything. If its in or outpatient, or some other more structured life. But I am afraid.

The past month or so, or longer, has been so crazy. Just the past few weeks I had $600 in car repairs--a whole paycheck. Plus all these other bills and problems and stresses. In the past two months I lost 20 pounds in 3 weeks, gained 10 or so back, and now I am going to lose again--if I haven't started already. I want to see bone, I want to cut, I want to purge, I want to OD on drugs that will put me into another reality. I have too much time to think. Thinking is bad. Thinking makes me think about doing things that I like to do.

I love my T. He had such a sad, puppy dog look on his face when talkign to me about maybe a hospital. I was there Monday night and won't see him again until next Monday. That's too long.