[justaman]

Once again I am being bullied at work. I don't handle this kind of behaviour very well, and in the past it has caused me a lot of stress and trouble. Once again it is starting with disrespect, now with ugly name-calling.

In the past this has resulted in lots of psychological problems for me. It happens every time I am social with someone. That is not very often because I have social phobia, but I am able to talk to this lady because I don't particuarly like her. I am being nice to her, though, but she is not returning the favour. She is definitely pushing the boundaries of acceptable behaviour and now she has broken them by actually calling me names, which include swear words.

Not sure how to handle this. I am very shy and can't do confrontation.

[CatWhispers]

Seems we have some things in common besides liking cats. I have been in this situation many times, and I know how horrible it feels.

And I know that if I have tried to do anything about it, even speaking to superiors, I'm the one who ends up paying for it because I just don't know how to protect myself either. I've never figured out how others do it.

i've lost more jobs because of situations like this.

One suggestion I could make is maybe not handling it. Only speak to her when you have to for work, and just say what is needed saying. If she starts up with you, just smile at her, if you wanted, say something like, yes, you're right, then go back to your work.

If nothing else, it would drive her crazy wondering what you were up to. And if she finds it doesn't bother you or get you upset, she might stop.

It seems, sadly, there are people in this world who are so sad that the only way they can make themselves feel better about themselves is to push others down. As much as it hurts and frustrates me when they do that, in some ways, I pity them.

Whatever problems I have, or however badly I feel about myself, at least I know I don't have to do that to another person to make myself feel better.

I think people like us know there is a better way to be, and that can give us hope. People like that will never see that, and will always live in total misery.

[gardenergirl]

I'm sorry you have to deal with this. People who bully are really sad, pathetic people who really should be worthy of our compassion, but they make it so danged hard. They really have such low self-esteem themselves that they have to belittle and push around others to feel good about themselves. That's such a shame.

It's especially difficult for you, I would imagine, given your social anxiety. I hope you are able to take the time to take care of yourself and to do something nice just for you. And maybe next time she calls you names, try laughing in her face? Nothing reduces the perceived power of a bully more than being laughed at.

(((justaman)))

gg

[(JD)]

IMO ppl who bully and name call and act like juveniles are, themselves, insecure.

[gardenergirl]

Exactly

you can trying saying, "you may be right" and smile and walk away. it bewilders bullies.