[sanityseeker]

Lately I have be consciously stopping myself from using the 'my' word to attach myself to a label or symptom. No more do I want to say or write 'I am bi-polar, I am depressed or manic or psychotic' or 'my anxiety' 'my mental illness' or 'my symptoms'.

For example when I catch myself saying 'I am bipolar, depressed, manic, psychotic, suicidal....' I will change it to say 'I am feeling, coping or dealing with, working through or managing symptoms of....'. Instead of saying 'my' anxiety, I will drop the 'my' and say I am feeling, coping, dealing....with anxiety, depression, mania et al. Or even more generalized I will say 'the' not 'my' symptoms are acting up.

It a grammatic difference but I think it is much more as well. It may seem an insignificant difference, something petty and unimportant but I think the difference is very significant to my overall sense of wellbeing.

If I label myself something it feels like I am letting the label define me and defining myself by an illness (mental and physical) doesn't feel very good. It feels debilitating. It certainly isn't useful to the coping and recovery process.

I don't want that close of an attachment to a label. I am not mentally ill but I do have symptoms of mental illness. I am a person who experiences manic episodes but I am not a manic person. My symptoms don't defines me. They are symptoms they are not me.

What do you think? Am I just being petty with language our do you think the use of language makes a difference in how you perceive yourself and the symptoms of mental illness you experience?

I would love to hear what other people think about this.

[PleaseHelp]

I like the way you stated that. I don't know if I could do that right now. I would like to b/c you are right. We are not our symptoms or illnesses. I just don't know how else to word it.

Thank you for this post. It makes me think.

[sanityseeker]

Thanks for your response PleaseHelp. I think acknowledging there may be a difference is the first step to becoming more aware. At least that is how it started for me. I do find it gives me a greater sense of power over 'the' illness.

Take good care and keep defining yourself by your qualities. No doubt they are numerous. You are already an overcomer and a survivor because you are here getting and giving life changing support. Wow! Those are major!!

[PleaseHelp]

I have a very hard time seeing my good qualities and such. I would not describe myself as someone who has overcome or survived. But thank you for pointing that out to me.

[lavieenrose]

This is a great idea for a thread, SS. Thanks for starting it. I've thought at times, when hearing myself say "my depression", or "my anxiety", etc., that the phrasing makes me think of those mental states as possessions or property that I surround myself with, and am attached to. "My" also connotes physical attributes like height or eye color, permanent, unchanging. Though it may seem to me that I am always depressed, that isn't the reality. They may be fleeting, but there are lighter moments. It serves me better to think of these emotional states as transient, as are the thoughts that fuel them.

[sanityseeker]

I love that Lavie.... how you made a distriction by using examples of our physical characteristics that are permanent and unchanging. Good think you didn't add hair or hair colour lol.

We will have to remind each other now and then that our emotional states are in fact transient like you say and to watch our labeling.

Thanks for coming by and adding to the discussion.

[lavieenrose]

SS, I did indeed start writing "hair color", and then thought, "bad example, thanks to L'Oreal". Shh. Don't tell anyone. It's just between you, me and the internet.

[sanityseeker]

Originally Posted by lavieenrose

SS, I did indeed start writing "hair color", and then thought, "bad example, thanks to L'Oreal". Shh. Don't tell anyone. It's just between you, me and the internet.

lol... my thought exactly!!

[Seshat]

Thank you so much for this thread, sanityseeker. I'm working on this. I do believe words are powerful.

[sundog]

Originally Posted by sanityseeker

It a grammatic difference but I think it is much more as well. It may seem an insignificant difference, something petty and unimportant but I think the difference is very significant to my overall sense of wellbeing.

(((((((((ss))))))))))) I totally agree that the language we use is very powerful and has all kinds of ramifications for our emotional wellbeing (or malaise). So I don't think the grammatical differences you speak of here are insignificant at all. I think you are right on point!!!

I've been reading a little about NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) lately (because it's supposed to help with anxiety) and one of the premises of NLP is that the dynamics between our mind (neuro) and our language (linguistic) effects our body and behavior (programming). Which is exactly what you're saying here! The therapeutic angle of NLP is about identifying the inaccurate things we tell ourselves (which keep us stuck) and modeling ourselves instead on healthier perceptions. I'm trying to learn more about this, but it's quite in depth and that's as far as I've got!

I used to have a therapist who pointed out that some of the words I use most frequently are "always" and "never" and she suggested that words like that were re-inforcing my black and white thinking. I think she was right and I try and keep that in mind (not very successfully!!)

Thanks for starting this thread ((((((((ss)))))))))) Lots of food for thought!

[lavieenrose]

I used to use a phrase "verbal diet", and would try to restrict my use of negative speech for a time. It was easier to do at times when I was meditating more, and was more conscious of my choices in speech, thinking, and behavior. I think "right speech" is one of the Eightfold Path in Buddhism, related to non-harming.

[Onward2wards]

Someone reminded me recently that seemingly innocent little phrases like "I am not good at ___ ", "I always <insert negative here>" and so on reinforce self-defeating expectations in our subconscious minds and affect our behaviors. I have been working on that ever since.

[sanityseeker]

Thank you Seshat. I am glad you share the value in having this kind of a discussion. Like you, I see making this kind of adjustment in my language usage as a work in progress. One that requires close supervision and ongoing attention.

Well how about that Sun!! There is actually a name for the concept of reprogramming the use of language. I am impressed with myself. hehehehe

That is another good one Sun... the always and never overstatements. I am guilty of those too. I hear them echoe in my brain when they come out and try then to take the exaggeration down a notch by saying 'well not always, but often' or 'well not ever but not often'.

If I take my examination of my reality one step further I may need to admit 'well not that often actually but sometimes.' Other times my examination affirms my assessment of frequency. Then I am challenged to determine how I can effect change in my behaviours and alter my experiences in any given situation; how can I alter my automatic responses to my perceptions of my own reality? The process of doing that might actually restore a sense of personal power and cause me to believe in my own ability to effect greater wellness.

Another work in progress. Hummm... another interest use of a word we use a lot that can trigger negative reactions. 'Work'. A 'work' in progress, doing the 'work' of coping or changing or getting through a crisis. Sometimes when I use the word work I can feel even more burdened and even more overwhelmed and more drained and more exhausted. It will seem as though the 'work' is 'never' done. I am tired before I even make an effort. Soon the sense of hopelessness or feelings of rage and defeat can cause me to turn away, put off and really resent the work I am face to undertake.

What might be a better way to phrase 'a work in progress'? To think about what we really are saying it might better be stated that it is 'growth in progress'.

My interest in challenging my use of language is to provide me with more motivation without the sense of pressure or defeat and hopelessness some words reflect so that I can stay the course on the journey toward greater wellness.

[sanityseeker]

I like that Lavie... verbal diet. Along with the more positive approaches that right speech and right thinking suggests. A consciousness that we grow into with time and practice. Cool.

[sanityseeker]

Good point Onward. The more we look at it the more we see how our language becomes like defeating self fullfilling prophecies that keep us stuck sometimes.

I am very pleased with how this thread has captured some attention. The more you think about it the more examples seem to appear. Each in their own right, especially those generalized statments can be turned into positive affirmations. Its all good.

[PleaseHelp]

I know I need to change the negative words I use (either out loud or in my head), however I am not sure how to do this. I become so overwhelmed at the things that I feel I need to change and address that I just start stressing so much that sometimes I can't function. Sorry for the rant.

And thanks for this thread and the advice being shared.

When I refer to "my depression" I am talking about the symptoms I present at a given time. There likely are other symptoms of depression I do not present at the time, but may at some point. Some or all of the symptoms may abate or go away at a different point in time. While I may possess various symptoms at the moment, I do not think I own them. My possession is transitory, at least in theory.

If I speak of "my illness" and describe symptoms for a flu or cold, I do not hear people saying they are defined as those illnesses. Most people get over a flu or cold. They are transitory conditions. Of course, the analogy is less than ideal since mental illnesses for many are difficult to get over and may last a lifetime.

My reason for posting is not to disagree with the premise presented. In fact, I support it. What I am trying to say is an illness is composed of symptoms that may vary over the course of the illness's existence. Again in theory, the more symptoms we are able to manage or eliminate the healthier we should be.

[sanityseeker]

Thank you Byz. Perhaps it is not as black and white as I proposed. I tend to find comfort in absolutes now and then; perhaps more particularly to questions of mental illness. You cause me to think about the variables a little more.

If one can use possessive language without feeling attached to defining words or notice negative impacts as a consequence than it may not be an issue worthy of much consideration. If on the other hand one does feel defined to some degree by a health condition then it may well negatively impact their recovery process.

For me the use of attachment language in some situations can impact my outlook on recovery. If I give consideration to my usage of certain language I may be less likely to think I am sentenced to a life stuck with or owned by defining words.

The line between no impact and negative impacts may not only be fine but might also be transitory. It might be a sort of continuum that can indicate where one is at in terms of their journey to recovery. Not stuck in one place but traveling on the road towards recovery. The further along the continuum may reduce the impact of defining words.

In the end, whatever is most useful is the path to take.