[greensky602]

I'm high maintenance and I look all around and I see so many hard working people contribute in life, and I lay back and let each day pass not knowing what I stand for. I just don't care, and I feel guilty for being alive. I don't feel depressed, I just feel pretty calm while everyone takes care of business. I lay back and observe. I've done a lot of stupid things in the past, hurting a lot of people for my stupid behavior. I feel guilty. People tell me to not harm myself, but I feel confused about my life. It feels as if I don't deserve a life because I've caused too much pain, but yet I don't want to die. I love beautiful days, and I keep hoping there will be more, but yet, there is this lingering feeling that I don't deserve to live. Even as I write this, if feels like vanity, I'm just looking for someone to tell me it is okay for me to live, when in my heart, I know something is wrong. I've done evil, and I'm still here. What am I suppose to do and how am I suppose to feel? I don't want to die. I apologize for my behavior, and have changed quite a lot. I've changed myself to feel innocent, but behind it, there's immense guilt and fear. I fear judgment from others, and that they hate me. I feel criminal. I haven't done anything in this life that is criminal, but I'm talking about a past life. What does all this mean? Can someone give me some answers? Thanks so much.

Hello, greensky602. Forgive yourself too. Instead of guilt and fear, use the energy to help others.

Love yourself. Be well.

[heretoday]

I don't think I can help you...I feel the same way. And...I guess the best I could do is remember all the times those "good" people have been "bad" and it calms me down a bit.

[Leed]

Good heavens, my friend. Do you think you are the only one who has done some rotten things in their past?? LOL I'm a recovering alcoholic, so you can BET that i've done things that have hurt people. But i made amends to them, and hopefully they've forgiven me. That's all I can do about it. If they can't forgive me, I cannot help it.

Of COURSE you deserve to live!! That's why God made you and God doesn't make junk!! He put you here for a reason ~ and it's up to you to find out what that is ~ maybe you're supposed to help other people who have the same type of problem that YOU have. Maybe it's something else. But you are supposed to be here ~ never question that!!!

You certainly are NOT criminal. You are a good person who has a few problems just like the rest of us. Your problem is not being able to forgive yourself for basic human frailties. We aren't perfect - none of us are. We are going to make mistakes ~ that's not "criminal." And when we do wrong, God forgives us as long as we are sorry ~ so if God can forgive us, why can't YOU.?? Give yourself a break, and don't be so hard on yourself. People aren't judging you ~ you may think they are, but they aren't. Talk this over with your therapist. he/she can help you more about this. Take care dearheart. Hugs, Lee

[Can't Stop Crying]

No one is infallible...to err is human. Try to use your insight in a productive way! You matter!

[SophiaG]

Anyone, that feels genuine remorse for what they did and is willling to change, deserves forgiveness in my book.

[Rohag]

Originally Posted by greensky602

...I feel guilty for being alive.

Me too.

You're still ripening, and, from your post, it seems you will become something good.

[Crew]

If you weren't supposed to be here greensky602, in my opinion, you wouldn't be here, just an opinion!

and at least you lived and please don't feel guilty for being alive, Hang in there!

Crew