[worrier1986]

Hi
I'm 24 years old and female and I'm subtly different from other people. I'm eccentric and sometimes people tell me I'm weird but this doesn't bother me much as I have a wide circle of friends just like me, even if they're all a bit "weird" too!

Recently, what's bothered me has been my image. I've never been particularly observant or noticed how I look. I don't have many problems getting a boyfriend so I assume I'm not ugly, therefore this doesn't really bother me. I did have eating disorders but this wasn't really about the way I looked for me, it was about being in control.

I've always been a bit of tomboy and this has always been fine with me, up until now. Me and my boyfriend, months back now, had a silly discussion about our bodies and I made a joke about my long pubic hair. It has never occurred to me to trim up or do anything about it except if I need to for practical reasons - like if I go swimming. I also don't buy new clothes very often, don't wear make up, only brush my hair once a day, frequently forget to shave armpits/legs and pluck eyebrows, and only get my hair cut about once every two years. Now this had never bothered me before because the way my body looks doesn't upset me, unless I think I've put on weight. But my boyfriend said that all of his exes had kept their pubic hair looking tidy - like even just trimming it. Well I suddenly started feeling embarrassed, it had never occurred to me that I was different from other women in this way. Anyway, the thoughts have been going through my mind and nowadays I've started looking around me more. I see that women my age tend to wear clothes that fit them well and aren't ripped or old. They tend to iron their clothes, do their hair, wear make-up, dress in a more womanly fashion (like skirts, for example). I'm suddenly starting to feel a bit awkward about not doing any of this stuff and I feel like I'm being childish for not doing it. But the thing is, I don't want to change. I only really want to do things to my body if I have chosen to do them, not just because I want to fit in. I'd really resent having to spend time in front of the mirror or spend money on my image. I mean, boys don't do that so why should I? But at the same time, I don't actually WANT to be different. I don't know if this makes sense. I don't want to have to change who I am and what I do to fit in but I don't want to feel childish or different from other women. I suddenly just feel less of a woman!

So I'm kind of in an emotional dilemma. If I don't start to tidy myself up a bit I'm going to have to cope with not being like other women but if I do start tidying myself up I'm going to resent having to do it and I don't really want to look in the mirror and see someone else! I don't feel like I'd recognise myself if I was constantly trying to look pretty or neat.

I don't know if this makes any sense at all to anyone else but me, but I'd really appreciate feedback.

Thanks

[madisgram]

"To thine ownself be true".
there is no need in my opinion that you need to change who you are. if you're comfortable being what you are don't change just to please others. you were made just the way you're supposed to be. that is why we are all unique.

All of these decisions are ones you must make: shaving, plucking, trimming, putting on make-up, wearing trendy clothing, etc.

Personally, I think these decisions should all be made from your point of view, not someone else's. What are you comfortable with? Myself, I don't wear any makeup because I'm not comfortable wearing it. That's my choice. And these decisions should be yours to make.

Remember that, no matter what, you are a beautiful person, inside and out.

[worrier1986]

Thanks all. I know it's my choice and I guess I've chosen to ignore all that stuff about image. I used to wear make up and dress nicer when I had social phobia and before that when I had a compulsive eating disorder but, as you can probably imagine, I only did it then because I was embarrassed about who I was. When those problems disappeared, I just sort of forgot about looking after myself. I didn't feel any need to anymore, it just stopped occurring to me to do it! I think I just need to stop thinking about this stuff! It's just that I'd always thought: Oh there's two types of girls, there's people just like me and people who make an effort to look all neat. It wasn't until the last few days that I started looking around and realising that actually I'm in a massive minority and that the people like me are actually in their forties! I guess I've just suddenly started to feel embarrassed! I'll get over it

[lastyearisblank]

I am a bit different from you, I like dresses and skirts, I have been told that I dress a bit like a kindergarten teacher, in pastel all the time, but I also like to dress WAAAAAY down though whenever possible: jeans, oversize t shirt, uggs. I also love dressing up in formal wear unless it is required in which case, it sucks. For self care, I am almost positive most women hate shaving their legs and other areas, it is sexist... I'm not going to say it's wrong because at this point, it's almost standard that women are not allowed to appear in public with a hint of body hair (and I could go on about the reasons why but IMO it basically comes down to fear of women as an animal). But I remember in college there was this one professor who was really gorgeous (women's studies), and whenever she would go to write on the board, you could see her pit hair! So you're not alone.

I have also worn a coat over pajama bottoms, jeans tucked into boots, and an inside out sweatshirt. None of these were trendy items (at least not at my college and probably not ANYWHERE). To my internship, I started out with business suits and toward the end it was black slacks and a man sized collar shirt, rolled up at the sleeves. Yes, I have literally been begged not to do these things in public. Sometimes I just get lazy.

I am protective of my skin too and I don't want an orangey layer of whatever that stuff is. I live in one of the fashion capitals of the world where you can tell people spend hours getting dressed, but ultimately, it shows, and that looks weird to ME.

Hope that helps!

[Sunna]

Originally Posted by worrier1986

It wasn't until the last few days that I started looking around and realising that actually I'm in a massive minority and that the people like me are actually in their forties! I guess I've just suddenly started to feel embarrassed! I'll get over it

Haha... that is an accurate observation. And I think you may be seeing that as we mature the need to conform looses its grip on us.

I think natural is beautiful and I was not happier when I was trying to dress up. The conformist-vs-rebel struggle is present to some degree for us all. You decide what price you pay for conforming and how much you want to try, and what price you pay for not and how comfortable you are there. If it's too lonely you can blend yourself in, but please do it consciously, for your own convenience, for you gain, for something specific, just don't buy into the embarassment. You have nothing to be embarassed about. But I am not negating the fact that you FEEL embarassed. And it is very understandable since it come from your boyfriend's comment about very intimate and vulnerable part of you. Acknowledge that, and maybe that will help you through the discomfort.
Because, of course you are different than other women, we all are different. Men are not all the same either. Trying to make ourselves look all the same is silly, and pointless. But I have heard of women who underwent surgeries because their labia looked different than other women's and they felt "deformed" and that was sad. We are so ignorant *sigh*