[Irine]

My friend told me "you are not doing enough" to get a job.
I have been trying SO HARD to JUST KEEP MY GRIP ON REALITY.

I am looking for a job in a different field from which i was trained for - i see today how wrong i was choosing that profession back then. If i am not being deeply authentic i start to dissociate.

I am still not occupied but i am looking for it, changing my resume and orientations...

this friend who told me those things hurt me in away which numbs me out of any emotions at all, causing some dissociation again. It is SOOO stuck inside because i DO feel shame and guilt for not succeeding to find a job and a failure for how i did in college and those interviews i have been to they did not call me back.

In the back of my mind i do feel like a piece of ****. but you see - i am really trying hard to work on myself to BE IN A condition that allows me to finally feel ok, connect with people and WORK for my living and not being supported by parents being 26....

I feel like i am really going to get at it soon - i am working on it JUST SADLY IT TURNS OUT SO SLOW - because i find myself sitting and day dreaming how i talk to that therapist i had...it is SO HARD TO STAY in the now -

So i feel like this friend has simply dismissed it despite his depth and then after pointed out to him he said "i love getting angry"

Does he simply like to be emotionally abusive?
I showed him then love and support because he said that he wanted to mature beyond that - but i was the first one to notice how he always does it and how he has that huge ego + that eats everything.

so its been like 2 weeks or so and i feel like crap.....
I still feel the shame and the guilt and generally that i am a dirty piece of **** that does not deserve to live!

[Elysium]

Wow!! I'm sorry that this so called "friend" is treating you this way. That was a very judgmental thing for him to say.

Have you expressed to him that he is hurting your feelings and that the way he speaks to you is not helping "inspire" you to keep working at it? Have you stopped him while he's talking and said "I feel that your comments are judgmental and they hurt my feelings"?

The only person you have to live up to is you. If you are truly doing your best for the emotional/mental space you are in at the moment, then that is all you can ask of yourself. Your "job" right now is to take care of you, first and foremost, and sometimes that is a very difficult thing to do.

If you are having more difficulty right now with the dissociative symptoms, I would encourage you to speak with your T, if you are currently working with one, to see how you can work with it to decrease it.

You have a lot on your plate right now. Maybe not as much as others who don't have emotional and mental challenges, but enough for what you are dealing with. You don't need to "impress" anyone!! Just keep on trucking....wake in the morning....get your feet on the ground.....do your basics (brush teeth, change clothes, etc) and put one foot in front of the other and don't forget to breathe. Sometimes it's all you can do for the moment.

Good for you for not giving up!!!

[Can't Stop Crying]

If you are doing as much as you can, that is more than enough!

Hello, ladymacabethadmunsen. That person seems to be quite toxic. Why do you think he is a friend? Either this guy needs to learn to be supportive, or he needs to get out of the way of the goals you are striving to reach.

Good luck.

[Irine]

Originally Posted by TheByzantine

Hello, ladymacabethadmunsen. That person seems to be quite toxic. Why do you think he is a friend? Either this guy needs to learn to be supportive, or he needs to get out of the way of the goals you are striving to reach.

Good luck.

TheByzantine - i know this friend, without meaning to - does this many times...he is being a little judgmental here and there....and he is unconscious of how he does it and - i talked to him . He told me he was sorry.

I am grateful for your supportive replies.

You know what it`s like to live with mental illness.