What if I don't have an inner child? *yes, this is controversial, you've been warned*

we all encountered the concept of inner child, getting in touch with it and all...

But to be honest... I don't feel i have one. My early childhood was nice and all, but i don't *yearn* for it. I don't want it back. I am happy to have power over my life in the least... I did experience loses and failures, went through the "I'm gonna show you all" phase... not sure if I showed them *yet*, because I honestly don't care anymore.

Not saying I don't have any desires. But I know I cannot have most of them, at least not now. Some are out of other realm altogether. I am never gonna have some of my dreams (although chances of becoming dissident/revolutioniare are slightly higher lately).

What does inner child mean anyways? I don't feel unloved or desire to be pampered and universally loved. I can give myself more or less what i need... but that does not have anything to do with what I did not get as a child... that part of my life is over, no looking back. And what if that inner child is an annoying brat? Shall we pamper our irrational desires? Doesn't that hold us back in a way if we give in to this concept?

You don't need to comfort your inner child because you had a nice childhood. The inner child concept is usually helpful for people who've been abused and neglected in some way, where their basic emotional and other needs weren't met. If their needs weren't met, they end up being dysfunctional in their adult lives - they learn in therapy how to fill the gap so they're not yearning and needy. I had a good childhood too therefore I don't need to nourish the inner child.

hi Venus. I have an inner child, i'm a 40 year old boy(lol). I'm intouch with inner child like i'm in-touch with inner female(inner female more strong). I think my inner child alows me to have fun in life- "still". If i see a swing, i wanna swing on it. Some trees i see i still wanna climb and just sit up there. I dont think we lose our inner child, it maybe just grows up, but mine is still there, taunting me having a laugh and being mischevious. lol. x

think the term living in the now is a very healthy attitude. we can benefit from our experiences-good or bad-if we apply them to becoming a healthier person now. it's ok to look back to unlearn unhealthy behaviors or very unpleasant experiences. but what works for me after being in therapy-CBT-is change. and appreciation for the present even if we have little material possessions. it's about creating a satisfaction of our now world.

do you feel like you're missing something by not having an inner child or not feeling like you have one? Maybe you do have one and just not recognizing it?

I am the same way - 41 years old and I feel like a kid - my husband is the same way. We both live responsible lives but relating to inner child allows us to see the world in a wonderous way - following rainbows, exploring new places...seeing the world as a place to be enjoyed.

Okay, I'll see your not having an inner child and raise you into questioning the wisdom of even recognizing, naming and allowing alters when the "core" personality is aware of them.

To me it just seems to be more division, dispersion of the person, where the goal should, IMO, be integration. It seems to divert healing of the one adult moving forward.

Look, I had a crappy childhood, but it's all me. I can be immature, rational, playful, spiteful, petulant, mute, funny, spontaneous, hyper-vigilant, overly sensitive, defensive, but it's all me. I see no value in calling all those aspects something other than me. It's not the child in me. It's me behaving like a child.

Does an inner child need nurturing? I say, it is the adult that needs nurturing. IMO it is not something that humans ever grow out of. Love, support, acceptance, compassion, these are innate rights of all humans.

We may need to learn how to accept these positive aspects of human interaction, but I do not think it is the child learning or re-attaining something that was lost, but the adult acquiring a new skill.

We are all of ourselves from day 1 and we're "cumulative"; one doesn't learn to walk without crawling first and just because crawling is no longer "needed" doesn't mean it is not important to our development and who we are today. Whether you want to explore remembering what your life felt like when you were 5 or not, have "déjà vu" where you wonder when you might have seen/felt/experienced something before or wonder how crawling was helpful to you before and may help inform your life today is a wholly personal decision, not controversial at all. My brothers (all older than I do) do not remember their childhoods much but I remember mine. Who knows/cares why? I do and, for me, that's all that matters.

"What does inner child mean anyways? I don't feel unloved or desire to be pampered and universally loved. I can give myself more or less what i need... but that does not have anything to do with what I did not get as a child... that part of my life is over, no looking back. And what if that inner child is an annoying brat? Shall we pamper our irrational desires? Doesn't that hold us back in a way if we give in to this concept?"

Your inner child an annoying brat? o0; That would be an indicator to me that it might be difficult for you to be able to "feel one" (for lack of better phrasing) with your inner child. My guess is you were called an annoying brat growing up...or have associations...do you feel you like your younger self? (I don't think that is the most acurate definition of "inner child").
Anyway...I think it has everything to do with not getting what you needed as a child...when abuse happens as a kid-your scared, hurt, confused...and often times the child blames themselves for things like a parents divorce (that's just a start)...so self blame can turn into a dislike of the self/younger self.

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/...he-inner-child

http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&s...5g-v5&aql=&oq=

great stuff, as usual, Byzantine!!!

Yup, it was a horror going through it all in therapy for 41 years (on and off);
But it was well worth the intense pain...............I have found some peace at last.

"...perennial inner child..." oh yes, she's always been there.

I used to call her "the I inside of me"--think one of my first 5 posts was about her.

This past year; wherein sheer survival of the elements, of the apathy of the world,
of grief and loss of so much it was of primary importance for me and the child inside of me to come to terms with one another.

She just wanted to be loved. I embraced her then, as I do now; as I did my own children, and grandchildren. I love her unconditionally, and I forgive her all.

This past year has been a living hell: I had to embrace my worst fears, the greatest pains; the realization that if I did not love me, there was no one else who did, or would.

"Has your adult self spent time with your inner child today?"

Yes, and every minute of everyday. Naughty, silly child, hurt child----we are healing together,as one entity, one day at a time.

That's how you eat an elephant--one bite at a time!!!lol--smiling at you--theo