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#1
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I hope I put this in the right place...
It has been a long (school) year for me, and I've been waiting and waiting for it to end, and on Tuesday it does. I'm scared that things will not get better from here, and that I will have to go through another year of the same thing. Most of the time I feel like I'm all alone. In October my best friend, and the person I was most comfortable telling almost anything I was feeling, and I got into a "fight", things were said and the friendship ended in about 3 hours. After that I found it hard to connect to anyone. My other good friends, around the same time, became this tight knit group, who excluded most people (like myself, and our other close friends) from their jokes, stories, get togethers, and eventually their conversations in public. At home everything has been tense all the time, my parents are always criticizing one another, or someone else in the family, and mostly behind each other's back. In May my Great Uncle passed away, leaving me with no grandfather figure (both have passed away, one last year, and one when I was very young). I struggled with my eating habits, either not eating enough, or eating a normal amount and "balancing it out" somehow. I also struggled with my self esteem, slight depression,isolation, and school. I felt like I had no one, and most of the time I felt as if I had no reason to be this upset, people have it way worse than I, but I was upset anyway. By the end of the year I went from being always happy, cheerful, goofy and always socializing with everyone, to a person who is always faking their "smile", and never talks about themselves, ever, to anyone. In the past few weeks, I have been enjoying myself more, and I have talked to one friend a bit, but I still have long periods of the sadness, nights are the worse. I guess I'm just hoping I can either keep going on the path to be who I was before, or I can find a new self that I can be happier with. I'm not sure what I want from this post, and I could keep going on for hours, but I am wicked surprised at myself for writing all of this to share with you all, it has been a long time since I've shared something of this importance. Thanks for reading. filensave |
#2
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Hi filensave,
Its ok to ask for help there are many here that will listen and a lot of people understand that feeling of insecurity that pops up. You are still very young yet and your whole life is not going to be based on the friends you make in school. I wouldn't worry about the fight and losing that friend. If that friend and you havent worked things out maybe she wasnt as good a friend as you thought. But that doesn't necessarily mean it is all your fault or that your are some kind of failure. These things happen in highschool and with other girls your age. All you can really do is just be pleasant and say hi. Try to be yourself and don't always judge yourself for the amount of friends you have or even if you are not in some tight knit group. That is not really what defines you or even your future. As you get through school and move on most of the people you meet in high school are not as important anymore. You will grow and change and learn more about yourself as time goes on and the others that you deal with in highschool, you will probably forget all their names eventually. When you make friends you should always remember, never tell anyone anything that they can use as a stick to beat you with. That really is important to remember. You do not have to reveal your deepest secrets to have a good friend or many friends. Most people like to talk about themselves so in the future try to remember to ask them a lot of questions and show you are interested in them. Many times when friends are formed in high school it is important to make sure that you are not always asking permission to be yourself or asking who to like and what to wear. Make your own choices and let others make theirs. My daughter was like that in high school. She just wore what she liked and she never realized that other girls were waiting to see what she would wear as they would think that whatever she did was what they had to copy. It was pretty funny as she really had no idea. Her teachers told me that and she was highly esteemed and she had no idea, she didn't have a click or anything, she was just her own girl and kept pretty busy. She was nice to everyone and said hello and that was it. I think maybe she just carried a sense of self assurance about her. I don't know and as I said, she had no idea. So, next year, try to do things you like after school and maybe join in extra activities. Just be you, try not to be what you think others would like. But don't forget my tips and you'll be just fine. See if you can keep busy over the summer, don't be stagnent. Try to check out classes you can take or some lessons or something you like to learn and do. Just some advice, cheer up find that smile. Before you know it your highschool days will be gone and you will be on to the next step. It goes by a lot faster than you think. Open Eyes |
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