[Helloanxiety]

For the past week i've been feeling very strange, sort of rejected and unwanted and quite upset, plus many other things. I've realised that I am very lonely. I'm not actually alone, I have many friends and a wonderful boyfriend, but still I feel lonely and not happy.
The weird bit is, now that i've realised i'm lonely and understand that is the problem, I don't want to see anyone. I no longer like being around people and don't want to be in social situations. I actually want to be alone after discovering i'm lonely. How can this make sense?
Any help???

[Thomas in Ohio]

I wish that I knew the answer, because I'm in a similar state of mind.

I go through times that aren't too bad, but at other times, it seems that being around
more than 2 or 3 people causes me to get increasingly agitated. The
more people, the greater the level of my agitation. It's definitely not anxiety or
fear (in my case), but simply "Get the heck out of my personal space!" If I know
the people, like co-workers, it isn't quite so bad, but sometimes I just can't
tolerate strangers.

I miss out on a lot of social functions because of this.

When it gets too bad, I have a nearby park that I go to in order to get away. It
isn't at all crowded, and I find that spending some time there and focusing on
nature stuff (I birdwatch) tends to "reset" my mood to some extent.

The loneliness, I still have to find a way to deal with in the real world, but getting
away from everything for a time tends to alleviate my discomfort around groups
of other people.

I know that's probably not a lot of help, but maybe it's a little comforting knowing
that you're not alone in feeling the way that you do.

[xxKaneLovesZoexx]

Hopefully this won't be a long-term problem. However, is so. I'll be there all the way with you, supporting you. I love you. <3

[thewho]

Originally Posted by Thomas in Ohio

I wish that I knew the answer, because I'm in a similar state of mind.

I go through times that aren't too bad, but at other times, it seems that being around
more than 2 or 3 people causes me to get increasingly agitated. The
more people, the greater the level of my agitation. It's definitely not anxiety or
fear (in my case), but simply "Get the heck out of my personal space!" If I know
the people, like co-workers, it isn't quite so bad, but sometimes I just can't
tolerate strangers.

I miss out on a lot of social functions because of this.

When it gets too bad, I have a nearby park that I go to in order to get away. It
isn't at all crowded, and I find that spending some time there and focusing on
nature stuff (I birdwatch) tends to "reset" my mood to some extent.

The loneliness, I still have to find a way to deal with in the real world, but getting
away from everything for a time tends to alleviate my discomfort around groups
of other people.

I know that's probably not a lot of help, but maybe it's a little comforting knowing
that you're not alone in feeling the way that you do.

Definitely agree with this though your lucky to have a "personal space", I can walk but where I am there are others walking, wish I could go someplace where people weren't around but it is the city.

Wish I could give you advice too Helloanxiety, but I'm in the same boat and only getting worse unfortunately.

[Open Eyes]

I dont think that you have a disorder or anything, at least not in my opinion. Sometimes we do need our own private space. If your in the city and people are always around, then it just might be that you need some quiet time to yourself. The lonliness can come from when you are with others and need to perform and thus you are giving too much of yourself and maybe you just want some personal space.

Maybe you are at a point where you think you have to socialize and if you don't then something is wrong with you. Maybe you just need a break and you just want to take time out, that can be ok. It is possible to be around others and be lonely, maybe your not personally connected and it is just a function rather than having a close personal connection with others. That can make you feel lonely and you may not understand it.

Take time out, depending on what you are doing maybe you may want to just take some classes or spend time reading and taking things in, instead of giving out to others by socializing. Or maybe you have been taking too many classes if you are in school. If you are young or in your late teens, it is not unusual to have times of feeling lonely and lost, that is normal. Often one doesn't really have a real direction when they are young, it takes time.

Just some ideas,

Open Eyes

[Helloanxiety]

Thank you Open Eyes. I think your point about feeling the need to socialise even though I don't want to has summed up why i'm feeling like this. Things make a lot more sense now [= thanks

[Open Eyes]

Your welcome Helloanxiety,

When your young and your learning and growing, you are taking alot in. What is happening is you are absorbing a lot of information and your brain is working very hard. But you haven't really had a chance to allow what you have been learning to incorporate into who you are yet. And, what happens is that you are sometimes being pushed into thinking about what is next as though you have to have the answer just as you have to know what is next in what you are learning. But that is not really how it works. The truth is, you aren't going to know what is next, no one knows that. So, in socializing there is often a pressure to seem to know that and exchange it with others. That feeling of loniness and even putting out a fake smile or personality, well, that is really all you have right now. You have not really had a chance to take all this information and apply it to your own life. Ofcourse your going to feel lonely and even lost. But the important thing is that you don't think of this as what it is going to be like for the rest of your life. You are only going to learn that a step at a time as you start to use whatever it is you are learning. And you are going to change the more you get out and try to use these skills and apply them in a personal way. Not a way that everyone else does, but your own way, that way that makes you, you. And at times you will have spirts that you will want to share and then you will receed because you need more time to live it, as you.

I see this alot in the forums. Young people, in their early teens or in collage do feel lonely and they don't understand it. But the truth is they just haven't had a chance to figure out who they are yet, and for some reason they feel that this is a weakness. But it is not a weakness, it is just a part of life, growing and experiencing and it just comes with time. You don't have to conform to others at all, that actually is unhealthy, you just have to learn who you are and you do that with time.

So, at times you have to say to yourself, how do I feel about it, what do I think and let the I become important and give up the idea of conforming to the specifications of others. Because eventually you will have your own specifications and that is what is important and the more you do that the less lonely you will feel.

You are unique, and within you are your own specifications built right in. Your never going to be someone else, it is always going to be working on your own specifications. You can apply the knowledge of others and even how they operate, but it will be within your own individual skills.
And you will have questions about that, don't let that frighten you, everyone has the same questions about that. And that is a part of life, how am I going to this and that and do I even want to do this and that. It is just getting to know you and understanding it. It is like taking off the training wheels and riding a bike for the first time. Just you and that bike and finding balance and the more you do it, then the more you will enjoy the wind and that time when you dont have to peddal and can glide down a hill, but you will also pump up hills too, but once you do one hill, eh, its hard to pump, but, you know you can do it.

Open Eyes

[Porcelain_doll_2004]

Thinking of you!