[wisewoman]

I went to see my daughter at the ocd place this weekend. It was good to see her and hold her and joke with her. She likes the Dr.s but there is this LICSW who is such a !!!!! She is really off and inappropriate and told my daughter who is not even 18 yet that her physical relatioships with her family and friends is dysfuntional. This because she clung to us like a monkey when we went to admit her.

I am very angry at this woman for adding more to the child's load! It is very much a cultural thing. In our family, in our community and with our friends we hug and kiss and snuggle. And what is wrong with this? For crying out loud today I met my friend's MIL for the second time ever and she is not of the mainstream white culture here. She simply stated they were a kissing family and kissed me. It was fine, she is the grandmother to my friends kids, she is family. I felt like this S.W. added more to the burden for a kid who believes that anything of a sexual nature is bad and has panic if someone accidentally touches a private place. She has OCD! The fact that she can love openly and fully is a gift. This woman actually had the nerve to ask my daughter if she slept with us!!!!! My kid is quick and smart and stated no, of course but that she did as a nursing child and that in most other cultures co-sleeping is accepted. Gotta love her! Of course she is also very well-read. Good girl!

So I have decided that should this woman call me and state anything of the above I will be polite and then very firm that it is her issue, not ours. My friend Jane who died last year was the one to teach me of hugs and snuggles and till the day she died she snuggled with her adult children as they drank eachother up.

It still makes me sad though. My baby has to question if having stuffed toys is dysfunctional or if liking to color is. I told her she was multi functional and I was proud of her. Advised her to take what she could use and throw the rest out. Someone please keep remionding me why I am not fond of most S.W.ers.

The program is a good one. some people are just hung up on their own issues and trying to put their crap on others.

This woman child of mine is someone I admire and aspire to be like.

[mortimer]

Wenches. (T____T) I'm glad that your daugter is doing well, and she's very mature about it, as are you.

That's most important. The oppinions of the villiage jackass don't matter in the long run, and you won't remember them (too vividly (^__~)

:: It sounds like things are going good.

[CedarS]

Multi-functional!

Thank you thank you, I'm going to use this for myself also. What a wonderful description!

I so agree with your observations on that silly SW. And your daughter sounds amazing, what a great response she gave about co-sleeping.

I wish folks that don't understand something would wait til they find out more, rather than judging it all negative and slapping a dysfunctional label on it.

Sarah, who aspires to multi-functional-ness

[wisewoman]

Thanks Mortimer and Sarah. I am so glad you saw what I was trying to say. May we all hug twice as much and snuggle often. Okay, joke time. Last night I got onto bed at my friend's house and said; "tucka tucka. She came in laughing and told me what it sounded like and we snuggled and laughed and celebrated our children and our friends.

[Lexicon78]

I think it is a wonderful thing that you and your family are very affectionate with each other. Too bad the rest of the world couldn't learn by example...namely that SW. Yeah, she sounds like quite a piece of work. I'm really glad that you had a good visit.

No, you're not dysfunctional in any way as far as I can tell. Be proud that you have a very affectionate family! I would be proud of my daughter, too!

[Wants2Fly]

I thought there had been research that proved all humans need to be touched and hugged a certain number of times a day or weekl for optimal mental health. One would think that a loving, affectionate family would be praised! So sorry to hear about your daughter, WW.

[wisewoman]

Yes, Yes, Ashley Montaque on Touching. The S.W. was worried that daughter was; "stunted" as she looked to us for comfort. erggggg. Thanks, I believe it is healthy to be in relationships where physical contact is safe and accepted. The most interesting thing is to think that most animals group sleep. It is safety, comfort, protection, warmth. Watch the dogs or cats play. There is much physical contact. Watch any of the great apes and it is the same. They groom eachother.

I guess I am very pleased and grateful to see such a cross/cut of culture/people/location support my daughter on seeking physical comfort is fine when done with safe people one knows. Thanks.

[hillbunnyb]

Some folks just miss the boat, don't they? I envy you snuggly families. Rock on!

[Maven]

Some psychs say the most stupid things! I had one who told me I should get a hysterectomy because I didn't want children. She said she had one, and it was no big deal! I know of varying experiences, and I think it's stupid to have an unnecessary hysterectomy, but the point is, some psychs say idiotic things.

Your family sounds wonderful, being so loving and touching. Tell your daughter that maybe that psych didn't get enough touching and loving, so she doesn't know the benefits. Keep kissing and hugging!

I really wish the best for your daughter. As someone who has OCD, I know it's a hard habit to break. I wish her strength.

I've always had stuffed animals. I'm 37 and I still have stuffed animals. And anyone who has a problem with it--can get STUFFED!!! LOL!

[Yack]

Wise...

People can turn anything into an illness or label anything dysfunctional...What works best for you, your daughter (especially), and for your family is what matters the most...

[wisewoman]

Group reply, thank you all. It has been troubling me so much. I am very upset about her getting treated like that. It was not a shrink, they are great, it was a stupid social worker. I understand though that she probably has seen children of abuse and neglect and was maybe scoping it out but to tell my child she was dysfunctional in her need to get physical comfort from her family was too far. It's funny because I had a colleague with whom I worked for many years. She is a lovely lady and frequently I would go to her and say I just need a hug, or, as her life has also been hard, I would say do you need a hug? She is a love and I don't think she is dysfunctional. She is a good friend.

I am blessed with people who are affectionate and appropriate. I did not have any safe touch as a child and Jane was my model.

I am hurting to not have my baby home for the holidays. She is saying she wants us to come down right before New Year and do Channukah for a night or two. I won't even have her back for her birthday. She will be 18 on Jan 8th.

My son and have just had a major battle and we are probably both the better for it. I told him I was unhappy with a lot of the behavior he and his girlfriend are showing but most of all insulted that they trashed my daughter's car and their sense of entitlement. Once discussed I see their side and we can come to agreements. Family is sacred and I really want to work this out with him.

Anyway, I can't tell you how much your support means to me. Reality check. Good for me. Peace to all.

[Maven]

It's hard not to have your family around the holidays. (Then again, that probably depends on your family, LOL!) I admit, I'm not that knowledgeable about Jewish (or other non-Christian religions') holidays and beliefs, but I do wish you and your daughter and family a wonderful Chanukkah. For that matter, I'm not fully aware of all Christian beliefs, but religion is another topic, and not permitted on this board.

Edit: Oops! I accidentally hit a command somewhere to post before I'd finished.

Anyway, I'm keeping you and your daughter in my thoughts!