[crazy24/7]

I have a 6-year-old daughter and she is my life. I am sure I would not be here if she were not in my life. I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder a year before she was born and was still trying to find the right cocktail of drugs. Before she was conceived, I attempted suicide. As a result, my depression meds were ramped up and I bounced into a manic high for 3 months. When I came down, I was pregnant by a man I did not like. Bad scenario, but I was also 45 years old. My family was horrified. (I am divorced).
I was seriously depressed during the pregnancy. I had a terrifying postpartum depression with psychotic features. My daughter's father took the opportunity to remove my daughter from my care and basically obtain full custody. I was very sick for a long time...a serious depression fueled by anxiety over the 3 years it took for him to get the custody order. My lawyer was totally ineffective. My psychiatrist tried to help, bless him.
My daughter has behavioral issues, specifically ODD. I have read in some psychiatric papers that mothers who are depressed during pregnancy (and on meds) can have children with behavior problems. Other papers stated that depressed mothers are more likely to have children with behavior issues relative to non-depressed mothers. I don't even remember most of my daughter's early life..until she was about 3 years old. I know I must have fed her, clothed her, but I have no recollections of doing anything else. My psychiatrist said it was from the anxiety...I was under so much stress that I was in basic functioning mode only.
I took my daughter to a psychologist specializing in behavior issues after her unusual behavior alerted me to a problem. Her Dad thinks that her behavior is normal, but I raised 2 normal girls and children who are normal do not behave as my daughter did. After a year of therapy and consistent parenting, she is vastly improved. She just started first grade and I worry about her behavior...kindergarten went...okay.
Did I cause the behavior problems with my serious depressive symptoms? Was bad behavior the only behavior I responded to, so she learned that acting badly was the only way to get my attention? What must she have felt, to have a parent there but practically unresponsive? I fear depressive episodes, as I usually withdraw and I know she can sense this. Her behavior confirms it...she tends to act out when I am depressed. Is there anything I can do to prevent this other than meds? I have a very small network of friends, but they are mostly good acquaintances, not solid friends who can step in if you need them. I withdraw during depressions and have lost friendship because of this tendency..failure to care for a blossoming relationship. How can I adequately parent my daughter while stumbling along with this disorder?

[wing]

I struggle with all the same questions about my three kids because I was unmedicated the entire time I raised them. I cringe and am shocked and ashamed when they remind me of things I said and did. Not to mention the fact that I may have passed this monster on to them.

I think there are many parents far worse than we are, and a child's love for and deep-seated wish for the approval of their mother is indestructible. As mine grow older (18,20,22) they are more and more forgiving and understanding.

Moms who are perfectly "normal" question their methods of raising kids. We all wish we could give them a perfect childhood.

[Flooded]

Hi Charlotte

I wonder if I've done damage to my kids too. It's a tough gig having a mental illness and being a parent.
I was highly medicated during my second pregnancy and believe it must have had some effect on my youngest child. The behaviour is soooooo different and moods and well, everything really Not to mention how screwed I have been since the kids were born. I'm sure that being in the care of a depressed, paranoid borderline will have had an effect on how they grow up.
They are mostly pretty good kids, but I'm preparing myself for the probability of behavioral issues later on.

I have no answers for you really. Just that I understand your angst.

[Leed]

Please don't beat yourself up for this -- it very well could have happened even if you HADN'T been depressed !!

If you're not seeing a therapist now, it would be a good idea so you can get a handle on the depression. Talking to friends is fine, but it doesn't replace a GOOD therapist. Friends just don't "get it" because they don't feel what we're feeling. Open up completely to your therapist, and you'll glean good results!

I wish you the best -- and again, don't blame yourself. God bless & take care. Hugs, Lee

[madisgram]

when i'm severely depressed i withdraw too so i can relate. my good friends who know my situation also listen and are so helpful. i usually talk on the phone with them cause i don't want to go out. sometimes they come over, i cry-this helps cause i'm getting out some feelings i can't tap into alone. crying releases the depression somewhat. as a distraction i watch america's funniest videos. i know this may sound silly but it causes me to laugh in spite of my depression. there is research that has proved this/laughing. it releases good" stuff" in your brain. so for a short while i don't feel so depressed. depression takes so much mental energy from us. doing all these suggestions allows your tired brain a rest.

your daughter may just be going thru natural behaviors at her age. it's good you also sought help for her.

you may have already put these suggestions into action but thought i'd post them. the exercise part i found works best if you get a good work-out rather than just walking, etc.

Lifestyle changes that can treat depression

Exercise. Regular exercise is a powerful depression fighter. Not only does it boost serotonin, endorphins, and other feel-good brain chemicals, it triggers the growth of new brain cells and connections, just like antidepressants do. Best of all, you don’t have to train for a marathon in order to reap the benefits. Even a half-hour daily walk can make a big difference. For maximum results, aim for 30 to 60 minutes of activity on most days.
Nutrition. Eating well is important for both your physical and mental health. Eating small, well-balanced meals throughout the day will help you keep your energy up and minimize mood swings. While you may be drawn to sugary foods for the quick boost they provide, complex carbohydrates are a better choice. They'll get you going without the all-too-soon sugar crash.
Sleep. Sleep has a strong effect on mood. When you don't get enough sleep, your depression symptoms will be worse. Sleep deprivation exacerbates irritability, moodiness, sadness, and fatigue. Make sure you're getting enough sleep each night. Very few people do well on less than 7 hours a night. Aim for somewhere between 7 to 9 hours each night.
Social Support. Strong social networks reduce isolation, a key risk factor for depression. Keep in regular contact with friends and family, or consider joining a class or group. Volunteering is a wonderful way to get social support and help others while also helping yourself.
Stress Reduction. Make changes in your life to help manage and reduce stress. Too much stress exacerbates depression and puts you at risk for future depression.
http://helpguide.org/mental/treatment_strategies_depression.htm
welcome to pc.. i'm glad you found us. lots of support here.

[alice2boys]

Originally Posted by crazy24/7

I have a 6-year-old daughter and she is my life. I am sure I would not be here if she were not in my life. I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder a year before she was born and was still trying to find the right cocktail of drugs. Before she was conceived, I attempted suicide. As a result, my depression meds were ramped up and I bounced into a manic high for 3 months. When I came down, I was pregnant by a man I did not like. Bad scenario, but I was also 45 years old. My family was horrified. (I am divorced).
I was seriously depressed during the pregnancy. I had a terrifying postpartum depression with psychotic features. My daughter's father took the opportunity to remove my daughter from my care and basically obtain full custody. I was very sick for a long time...a serious depression fueled by anxiety over the 3 years it took for him to get the custody order. My lawyer was totally ineffective. My psychiatrist tried to help, bless him.
My daughter has behavioral issues, specifically ODD. I have read in some psychiatric papers that mothers who are depressed during pregnancy (and on meds) can have children with behavior problems. Other papers stated that depressed mothers are more likely to have children with behavior issues relative to non-depressed mothers. I don't even remember most of my daughter's early life..until she was about 3 years old. I know I must have fed her, clothed her, but I have no recollections of doing anything else. My psychiatrist said it was from the anxiety...I was under so much stress that I was in basic functioning mode only.
I took my daughter to a psychologist specializing in behavior issues after her unusual behavior alerted me to a problem. Her Dad thinks that her behavior is normal, but I raised 2 normal girls and children who are normal do not behave as my daughter did. After a year of therapy and consistent parenting, she is vastly improved. She just started first grade and I worry about her behavior...kindergarten went...okay.
Did I cause the behavior problems with my serious depressive symptoms? Was bad behavior the only behavior I responded to, so she learned that acting badly was the only way to get my attention? What must she have felt, to have a parent there but practically unresponsive? I fear depressive episodes, as I usually withdraw and I know she can sense this. Her behavior confirms it...she tends to act out when I am depressed. Is there anything I can do to prevent this other than meds? I have a very small network of friends, but they are mostly good acquaintances, not solid friends who can step in if you need them. I withdraw during depressions and have lost friendship because of this tendency..failure to care for a blossoming relationship. How can I adequately parent my daughter while stumbling along with this disorder?

Hi, Charlotte:

Bless your heart. I feel for you. I have 2 boys who are 15 and 19. I have severe Major Depression and Generalized Anxiety Disorder, and some Borderline Personality traits. My boys grew up with their mother in and out of hospitals 8 times in their lives and have seen me so depressed that I wanted to die. My oldest was diagnosed with ADHD wehn he was six, and was on medication until he was thirteen. He has done really well without the medication, and at eighteen, he only has slight attention problems, but does have a learning disability. When you are sick it is hard to be that kind of parent that we would like to be, but you can only do your best with the tools you have at the present time. Don't be so hard on yourself. Things will get better as your daughter gets older. It's good that you have had her in therapy, and that's partly what makes you a good mom. Other than their teenage quirks, both my boys are fairly well adjusted kids. It's been hard, as they continue to see me struggle at times. Please don't give up faith. Do you have a support group that you can attend like NAMI? It would be good to get out and be able to socialize with others and receive support, since most ordinary people don't or won't understand mental illness.