[dpadilla89]

well, i had stayed home from school today because for one: i had a sore throat and my sinus' were killing me, and another: my anxiety level was increased so0o high that i just couldnt even walk in that building. Anyways, i have been home alll morning and i noticed something about my stepfather, he was/is in a bad mood. So, the phone rang constantly this morning, he never attempted to pick it up, so i did every time. i felt bad, so i tried talking to him nicely, etc. Anyways, i finally came in here to go online and he walks into the room to watch some tv and eat lunch before he goes to work. So, he turned to me and says, 'do me a favor, clean up your mess in the kitchen, you always leave a mess behind'. i'm like, alright, no problem, whatever. he then gives me a dirty look. he then, starts screaming at me how i never clean up after myself and how i'm 16 years old and act like im 3 years old. im like, omg, what did i just do to you?? hes like, deb, dont even...im like....you had an attitude alll this morning when i tried talking to you. you were mean. he then says to me, Well, why dont you go to school like a normal person....i'm like..OMG..did he NOT know i had a horrible anxiety attack about going to school because i was failing???? i was terrified this morning, but i didnt cause a scene or anything. wtf?? idk, he then says to me: You want me to move out of the house, is that what you want??? So you can spend time with YOUR MOMMY!!!!! I'm like...'no brian, come on..' you know, saying that i didnt want him too. and hes like...'whatever deb!!!' idk what the hell his problem is, hes so00o annoying to even look at, i swear. lol. But it just hurts so much because im usually *NOT* calm or willing to cooperate and he jumped down my throat!!! grrrr. not fair, im so0o0o freaken depressed as hell now. I want to cut sooo badly, its not funny. but im afriad if i do, ill have my chances raised for residential placement for a few months. i dont want that at all...but why does he has to be sooo mean to me when i just tried being calm and obeying him?? ughhhh..life sucks right now. he just left too...and he actually said goodbye to me like nothing was wrong..hey! i was crying before!!! ughhh...just...shoootttt meeee.....

i need to cut, but im really anxious right now too.

*deb

[Lexicon78]

Girl don't cut. Sounds like this guy is the one who needs to go to the RTF (residential treatment facility). Oops, I didn't say that! Anyways, just try to calm yourself down. You're already upset over school. You don't need to worry about this guy right now. You can always discuss it later with him when he seems a bit calmer.

Take care. PM me if you need someone to talk to if you can't fight off the urge to cut. K?

[pegasus]

I feel very sorry for you. Please don't hurt yourself. YOU have not done anything wrong. Keep talking to people here if you can. Other people have the problem not you. Maybe have a think about some positive things you could do in the future to change things.