[Sam]

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately, that and learning. Life's a funny thing I guess, regardless of how one looks at it. I've heard it said many times that life is exactly what one puts into it, and although some people have more huddles to get over than some, I guess I agree with that. Life isn't easy and requires work - lot's and lot's of work.

As I said before, I've been doing a lot of thinking and have been learning in the process. For starters, I'm learning just about how little I know and am just now admitting to that sad fact. In doing that, I think I am showing I do know something afterall.

And I've quit trying to figure people out. There is only one I need to know about, and that is myself. I have no control over what other people think, do or say, so why even bother? It's really kind of senseless when in fact - I need to know more about myself. Maybe once I do that, I would be more useful to others.

I've reflected back on my life and I don't like what I see. Sure, I've had hardships others never had to experience, but that falls pretty short as I have also not had some hardships others have. So why then, have I been crying about my sorry luck?

Well, to begin with, it wasn't luck, but rather bad choices. Bad choices I made - no one else! One can make all the excuses they want to about a matter but the simple truth is that it isn't until they face the music that they can start the healing process.

I've watched people all my life and have just about seen it all. Of course almost everytime I say that I see something new. Excuses are a nice thing to have when one screws up, makes bad choices, but it isn't what is important. The thing is, no matter what the problem, an excuse doesn't correct it or make it better. One still has to repair the damage and sometimes a fellar just has to be a man, roll up his shirt sleeves and get his hands dirty.

And that's exactly what I'm doing now and you know what? It feels good. What's done is done and nothing can ever undo that. However, one can change the future in changing all those things in their life they don't care for today.

You may be asking what is my secret, but really, it isn't a secret at all. It is mainly two things - Think & Act. It is that simple. First, I need to think about myself - whats right and what's not. Then I need to look at what I have control over and what I don't. If I don't have control over something - skip it and concentrate on those things I do have control over. Once that is done - I should act upon those things I need to change, and by doing that - I take control over my future instead of slacking like I have of late.

It's really kind of embarassing to admit (even to myself) that I have been a slacker for that really isn't me. But I have been. And because of it, I have been in a very depressed mood. One thing I'm sure of, is that I am ready, more than ready, to make some needed changes in my life. I'm tired of being depressed - dead tired and something has to give. Now that's a good thing too.

Another saying I've always heard is - It has to get worse before it gets better. I agree with that too. So I've done that - been there, and am now moving on - forward if you will, to make my life better for me.

In my latest posts you might see a change in my writing, or maybe not, but it is there. The reason? It's me doing the writing - not Shelia (she's a gentler, kinder, more easy going person, but she is no more) and not a depressed Sam either. I am Sam I am and that's all that I am.

So if you have noticed the somewhat slight change in attitude here on my part, it is because you are for the very first time seeing the real Sam. Sam is always polite but has been known to have a dry and sometimes ironic humor.

Sam

"You'll never know what you're capable of if you don't try."

[heatherm]

Hello there Sam....I am Heather and it is my pleasure to meet you.

I am sitting here in awe reading your post....I have read it over a couple of times and you have given me goosebumps. This is a good thing too .

Isn't it wonderful when you get that light bulb "aha" moment? Good for you hun. I am really happy for you and I can also sense the contentment in your words.....truly wonderful.


Heather

"In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life - it goes on."
~~Robert Frost