[Onward2wards]

I am totally floored now I finally realize how simple my issues really are - three underlying problems driving years of needless depression, anxiety, confusion and self-doubt.

(1) I do not communicate clearly and assertively;
(2) I have low confidence in my own abilities;
(3) I am naturally emotional, imaginative and analytical, but have not yet learned how to get the most out of these traits.

And that's all. Every single one of my problems at any point can be distilled down to these three factors interacting. There are originating reasons why I am this way, but the important thing for me now is that these core problems took on a life of their own afterwards and are still holding me back. The major problem behavioral habit I developed is a ludicrous degree of risk avoidance, but even that is just a reaction to the above core issues.

What made things look so difficult for years is that these factors interacted in ever more complex ways over time, and I developed a lot of self-defeating ways of trying to cope with that. Psychology has so many ways of categorizing and describing such interactions and coping mechanisms - social phobias, catastrophizing, displacement, negative schemas, inferiority complex, emotional stuffing, the inner critic, self-fulfilling prophecies, avoidance, denial, the list goes on. These are all useful concepts to describe specific mental and behavioral processes, but I find it is easy to lose sight of the simplicity of the core issues which drive them.

I have found the best way to recover from whatever issues you may have is to realize there are very basic, fairly common and specific problems at the heart of all of it, and to talk with therapists who are able to cut through our own mental clutter and simplify! Be encouraged by this thought: basic problems have basic solutions, they just have be applied repetitively to overcome self-defeating habits. Nobody finds this easy, but it is achievable.

I am really hopeful and motivated right now, because now the real problems have been defined, I can apply tried and tested methods of fixing them.

Thanks to everyone on PC who has been supportive of me in this process. I have a lot of hard work to do, but I'm looking forward to it.

[gma45]

I agree, Seems sometimes everyone tries to make things more complicated than they really are. If we just get down to the basic's I think we may have something here! I know sometimes I have to step out of the circle I am in and take a different look at things from a more simplistic view and I can get the answer I have been looking for, for so long! Thanks for posting this makes sense to me.

[Callmebj]

Hi, Congratulations; I am curious as to what type of therapy you have had concerning this list?

take care, bj

[Onward2wards]

Callmebj:

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, in person and online.

I have also read a lot about personality development, Schema Therapy and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy.