[sillygirl]

Do you find people who live life extravagantly difficult to be around?

[wi_fighter]

I'd say yes, except I'm one that lives beyond my means most months, even though I'm not what I'd consider extravagant.

The thing I find most annoying is when someone has to buy the latest and greatest new thing when the previous version hasn't even become obsolete. You know, the "yes, I have a portable DVD player I just bought last month, and this new one is $600, but the screen is 1 mm bigger. Come on, I have to have it."

[wisewoman]

If this is off-topic I am sorry, to me it fits right in. I am surrounded by many peers, friends who are consumers. This means they have to buy buy buy. Their kids have or had all of the latest gadgets etc. Now, as I look at our family considering fostering and adopting I was going through my favorite thrift store the other day and all of these plastic baby toys seemed so appealing at first until I remembered that I don't like that, I don't want those. Television plays a big role in consumerism. Kids watch T.V. and must have the latest Dora the explorer stuff from lunch box to doll house. Imagination is gone.

Going into walmart overwhelms me to no end. I suddenly start feeling like I should be buying stuff. I have to remind myself that I have enough, I don't need. Maybe I need shampoo and conditioner and bathroom cleaner but that is about it.

I don't need the knick-knacks that take up space and collect dust. I don't need the video or the blouse I will add to a collection. I need the essentials and the rest is clutter. I need to eliminate all of the extravagant nonsense. Hope this makes sense.

[Lexicon78]

I don't like to be around them. They buy stuff they don't have any need for on a daily basis and I just can't comprehend it at all.

My sister is like that...very materialistic. I'm not like that at all. She can spend like $500 a week, and that's most of the income I get in a month!

[(JD)]

IDK what is your definition of "extravagant?"

[sillygirl]

Thanks for all the responses
My definition would be along the lines of what others said, just people who can live extravagantly, people who don't have to worry about money and can do and buy whatever they want. What is IDK?

[LMo]

I might be the wrong person to ask, but... how much better is it to ask your question than it would be to ask people who don't have to worry about money if they find poor people difficult to be around?

Just something to consider...

[wisewoman]

Hmmm, that is an interesting point lmo. However, I have many associates who have money and their values are similar to mine. They try to spend their money in a way that helps others. I wonder if my urge to buy has to do with unmet needs. In my experience it is the people who have to show something or feel something better who do the extravagance. I know many folks who live simply and share.

[LMo]

Hey Wisewoman - you and I were going to tag-team on the downsizing effort, remember? I'm with ya on the consumerism concept. But, as you know it's much easier said than done. I guess my point is also coming from a personal place and maybe a bit defensive. The truth is that I don't really have to worry about money, and I do know that it bothers some of my friends even though I do my absolute best not to let the differences be obvious and in the way.

I also didn't want this thread to take a turn and develop into bashing... not sure if it would have gone there, but I thought I'd throw that perspective out early just in case...

[wisewoman]

ahh, I get it. Mmm, can I spend your money on my philanthropy? Oh bummer huh. No bashing was in my mind on any count. I felt like it was just a values thing. It is a value thing. Am I missing something here? Live simply so others may simply live. Money is not the issue for me, it's the consumerizm. It is that we need to take responsibility of our neighbors and the pets. Our communities. We have a responsibility.
Do you remember the movie Pass it Foreward? Cool stuff.

[SleepsWithButterFlies]

I use to have a NICE life style ...lots of bling I am the same person with less cash and less NEW things that is all..I find it hard to deal with difficult people is all.

[January]

LMo,

Will you adopt me!

I'm always happy when my friends have things that I can't afford. That doesn't mean I don't wish I could have them, too, but there's no reason to begrudge them their neat things.

I used to have money and then I became disabled and divorced and now it's hard to get by. So I've been on both sides of the fence. I would sincerely like to swap sides of the fences again, but at least I have a roof over my head, you know?



Jan

[(JD)]

Buying things you can't afford is one thing, imo, buying things you don't really need is another... and buying things you feel you do need and can afford is still another.

IDK - I don't know IMO - in my opinion

[brianm101]

lol....Are you people drunk....lol
When my mother died I was left with a lot of money. I didn't really need it because I have been working in a field that pays well. (I spent 7 years in college)
Having money doesn't get rid of any problems that people have on a daily basis.
The more money you have the more you spend. It all comes down to the individual. JMO

[sillygirl]

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brianm101 said:
lol....Are you people drunk....lol
When my mother died I was left with a lot of money. I didn't really need it because I have been working in a field that pays well. (I spent 7 years in college)
Having money doesn't get rid of any problems that people have on a daily basis.
The more money you have the more you spend. It all comes down to the individual. JMO

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lol I agree

[sillygirl]

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LMo said:
Hey Wisewoman - you and I were going to tag-team on the downsizing effort, remember? I'm with ya on the consumerism concept. But, as you know it's much easier said than done. I guess my point is also coming from a personal place and maybe a bit defensive. The truth is that I don't really have to worry about money, and I do know that it bothers some of my friends even though I do my absolute best not to let the differences be obvious and in the way.

I also didn't want this thread to take a turn and develop into bashing... not sure if it would have gone there, but I thought I'd throw that perspective out early just in case...

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LMO- how do you handle your friends who it bothers? Do you find it difficult?

What I think is the worst thing to do no matter what your situation is, is to hide who you are. If your lifestyle, whatever it may be, rich or poor or comfortable, bothers someone else to the extreme that you have to hide who you are, then I don't think that's right. Because, we are who we are and sometimes our lifestyles are a reflection of that, but that doesn't make someone less of a person, or not a good person.
I keep getting told that I have hit my maximum posts I haven't figured out exactly how it works so I am condensing into one.
Thanks everyone for your thoughts

[desirae]

Personally I find it a little annoying because to be honest I'm a little envious. My life is the complete opposite of etravagant.

[LMo]

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LMO- how do you handle your friends who it bothers? Do you find it difficult?

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Well, it's not like I'm filthy rich or anything like that... and I've made some mistakes and gotten myself into bad dynamics with friends who I "treated" to meals out a few times after they had complained about money woes, and then it turned into an expectation on their part that I should always pay because they are poor and I'm not. I would say that was the number one biggest problem. I say "was", because it's one of the things I worked through with T; I simply don't schedule meals at restaurants with those friends anymore, except on birthdays and things like that. I try to find activities that don't cost anything, like going for hikes, or potlucks, or watching movies instead of going out. That kind of thing. But it also helps to be sincere and unapologetic rather than pretend that the difference isn't there. It seems that for the friends who are already self-conscious about their financial situation, glossing over my own situation pisses them off.

So to reverse the question, what would help YOU in situations where you find it difficult to be around friends who don't have to worry about money?

[sillygirl]

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LMo said:
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LMO- how do you handle your friends who it bothers? Do you find it difficult?

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Well, it's not like I'm filthy rich or anything like that... and I've made some mistakes and gotten myself into bad dynamics with friends who I "treated" to meals out a few times after they had complained about money woes, and then it turned into an expectation on their part that I should always pay because they are poor and I'm not. I would say that was the number one biggest problem. I say "was", because it's one of the things I worked through with T; I simply don't schedule meals at restaurants with those friends anymore, except on birthdays and things like that. I try to find activities that don't cost anything, like going for hikes, or potlucks, or watching movies instead of going out. That kind of thing. But it also helps to be sincere and unapologetic rather than pretend that the difference isn't there. It seems that for the friends who are already self-conscious about their financial situation, glossing over my own situation pisses them off.

So to reverse the question, what would help YOU in situations where you find it difficult to be around friends who don't have to worry about money?

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I was having a hard time phrasing my question so I did it in such a general way. But my problem is actually similar to yours, I have got myself into situations where people expect from me, and over time they don't really appear to appreciate it, just expect. One of my friends never makes a move when the bill comes until it is clear that I am only paying my half. You have some good suggestions to how to cope with this; avoiding situations that put me in that situation. I also agree with what you said about trying not to act like there isn't a difference. Recently I was told by someone that some find me extravagant and at times it is difficult to watch. I wanted to hear what others thought of that. All the responses helped me to understand how I might be coming across to people. Was talking to your T helpful? I should do that. I've been feeling guilty about the way I live, and I hate that I have to feel that way when I know that I do what I can to help others.

[drunksunflower]

I have differing views on this ... At the moment I am at a life stage where I have lots of disposable income (after studying for so long it finally paid off!). But I don't count on it being like this for ever ... you never know what will happen ... so i *try* to save some (not very good at it!!) When you have babies and mortgages things get expensive ... so maybe I won't be able to buy what I want all the time in the future .. also i have chosen to spend money on travel in the past when I could have had a house downpayment etc ... it's diferent for everyone ... i hate to see people who can't afford things and suffer cos of it ... so u do a bit where u can i guess ...

money can be a really nasty form of division if ppl let it.

[z0ey]

i dont know any ppl that truly have extravagant lifestyles -- i do however know a lot of ppl that are dispprportionately in debt considering their true means . i wouldnt consider a simple millionare in the position to live extravagantly .... money is how u treat it and some ppl get lucky extending themsleves financially to show off what they really dont have : extravagant wealth OR common sense .... others not so lucky and end up biting off more than they can pay ... so in a nut shell -- to be around ppl living extravagantly isnt hard for me rather its nonsensical for me to be around that ... lol not sure if this is on topic or not ... but im around a lot of pretenscious and "showy ppl" --doesnt bother me to be around it at all .. i see it for what its worth -- we all have problems and shortcommings and while this in particular isnt my short comming ... id dont begrudge those who do have this short-comming

[wisewoman]

This is a great thread and I really agree with sky and Brian m 101. I think we are all individuals in what we value and what we think is extravagant. I have been and probably still am much better off then many peers. There is nothing I buy that is not needed and freecycle has taught me to get rid of what I don't use. Silly Girl, I think in some ways I can see what you are saying from a really different prospective. I was poor and neglected and never had right clothing. I never learned to shop for myself really. I find it appalling to see a pair of jeans with a $50.00 price tag and would sooner give it to the bag lady pushing the cart. It is actually a difficult issue for me. My MIL has great taste and gets me cool clothes that I like. I would never in a million years buy these things unless they were at thrift stores. It's just that I can't let myself spend money like that. On the other hand when my children were older they were more expensive and ski swaps stopped working well. My son got x-country skis one year and downhill another, brand new!!! No to me looking back the down hills were extravagant but at the time I didn't know as much about where to find stuff as I do now. However, the daughter who never lets me buy her any clothes and can't ever find a coat she likes fell in love with a very expensive coat last year and I put it on lay away and bought it for her. It was a struggle.

All I am saying is that it is different for everyone and I agree with Brian a lot. We had it we spent it, we don't have it we don't spend it.

However, all of that said, the thing that yanks my chain so much is conspicous consumption. Every new toy, every new album, computer, etc. I believe our culture teaches us to behave this way.

I hope I am not boring or upsetting anyone but here, it's like this:
My friends are younger and have a 3 year old foster daughter they are adopting. She is quite a pip, has been with them since she was 13 months. Anyway, during the holidays this year we were staying with these friends to be closer to our daughter who was hospitalized. This child who already had two winter outfits, snow pants,. coat, boots, got three more sets and clothing like you wouldn't believe. It was grandparents trying to show love but to me it was really overwhelming. She got every Dora the Explorer toy invented and then some. We gave her a story book about bears and it came with two little bears and she loved it and we read it 100 times. She remembers us because of the bear book, and the discipline, she thought we could be taken, ha ha. I taught her mom well.

I am sure it is way more complicated. Just my thoughts for today.

[LMo]

yeah, and for the record, I also still shop at Goodwill and thrift stores for most of my clothes, and buy most of my "stuff" and furniture used on Craigslist. But this is coming from my beliefs against consumerism. I am grateful that I am in this position to not have to worry, but waste and ostenticity offend me.

[wisewoman]

Love you LMO, can you come visit and teach me how to get rid of more clutter? Save space?

[SleepsWithButterFlies]

I am going to quote myself I said and will say it again...It's the person not how well they can live and spend..I use to have a lot of money...blowing a 1000.00 on a braclet was nothing..I was and am no more difficult to deal with when I had money and an extravagant life style than I am now..I am very easy going all in all....I am kind and was when I had cash....I would buy concert tickets and season tickets to the ballet..now I return cans to eat...I am the same...A plus on my old lifestyle is all that clothes and make up and so on I bought ..I still have and can wear now...I have pawned old rings and so on....I always gave and give to charity...If I got more money I would buy 30 dollar lipsticks again and be just as kind as I have always been and as NOT difficult to deal with..which WAS the point of the post

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SleepsWithButterFlies said:
I use to have a NICE life style ...lots of bling I am the same person with less cash and less NEW things that is all..I find it hard to deal with difficult people is all.

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