[TerminallyOdd]

Hi guys...thought someone here might be able to give me a few words of wisdom concerning the state of my life right, so here goes...

I'm a 31 year old male, and life is kinda kicking my butt right now. It's odd, I'm not debilitated by unhappiness or anything, but I just feel like my priorities are so skewed and completely different than others around me and it's weighing on me. Whether I even ever want to get married or have kids in the future is up for debate, though I know right now I have NO interest in either of those things...my girlfriend just LOVES that I feel this way, by the way. Our 3+ year relationship is on our last legs because of it.

I'll also mention that years ago, I was diagnosed with an essential tremor that I got from my father. I'm not shaking all the time, but it rears it's ugly head in certain situations. That doesn't help me be the social butterfly everyone expects me to be. Basically, I'll only be completely cool with going places that serve alcohol, since that takes the edge off. Quite frankly, I think the guy that a lot of my friends think they know, is that funny, outspoken guy that is me after a few beers.

That said, NOTHING gives me more joy in life than just sitting around with my friends, having a few beers and playing video games or something like that...or coming home and watching hockey or basketball on TV. I only feel truly happy in a context like that. I'm also at complete ease just surfing the internet. I have a pretty good job in IT and do OK for myself, but career ambition is an afterthought for me. I just don't care. I don't care to see the world, to travel, to experience the "finer" things in life. I don't need to spend my Saturdays and Sundays outside on a beautiful day. It doesn't really interest me. I'll enjoying going out for a few moments of fresh air on my days off, but sleeping in and watching TV is just fine with me..and I have no idea why, and that bothers me.

On top of that, some of these things come kind of with an obsession. The NCAA basketball tournament that is on now for instance...watching the games last night, NOTHING mattered more to me in the universe that the outcome of the games, to make sure my bracket would improve. I spent hours of research putting it together, and to be doing so poorly with it puts me in a miserable mood. Similarly, my friends and I play in these video game tournaments, and I'll find myself practicing for hours and hours on my own ensuring that I win them. As my girlfriend says, if I could only just focus that energy into something more productive...

I just don't get it. My mind is just preoccupied with seemingly trivial things. It's like there's no room in there for anything important. Love, experiencing life, working out and keeping healthy, etc.

Is this just the way I am and perhaps should not be ashamed of it? I don't think I'm a bad guy, but I know how distant and detached and avoidant I can be, and quite honestly I feel kinda sorry for anyone that gets stuck with me. On a day to day basis, if I know I can spend a particular evening after work doing nothing but chilling in front of the TV and my Xbox, I'm totally content. Unfortunately, life moves pretty fast, and I feel that years down the road I'm going to be kicking myself for living this way...

[RunningEagleRuns]

Good luck.

[gma45]

All I can say is do what pleases you, be you, not what everyone else wants you to be and you will be happy. Take care my friend!