I have a problem with holding sharp objects?

Okay, so let me make this clear. I am not suicidal or anything of the sort, and I do not want to die or kill myself, and am overall not very depressed, despite random bouts of depression. I don't even want to injure myself.

However, whenever I am holding a knife, needle, scissors, or other sharp objects, a lot of the time, I get this strange uncontrollable urge to stab myself. Not anywhere where it would be fatal, but I feel the need to stab my leg, arm, hand, etc. and find myself having to put the knife down and just get away quickly, otherwise I would probably do it. This doesn’t happen every time, but it does happen a lot, and enough for me to worry.

I have no idea why I have these urges, and it doesn’t really have to do with anything in particular. I am not saying anything like “Oh, you deserve it, just stab yourself, you deserve the pain,” or anything like that. In fact, I am not thinking at all at times like this, and it as if my mind has just been consumed with the thought of doing it for no reason at all. It’s like the same urge as getting on a rollercoaster. I have that excited feeling in my stomach when I’m about to go on the rollercoaster, with that “I have to do it” feeling (yes, excited, not scared) and a strong course of adrenaline.

I have never actually succeeded in stabbing myself (except with a pen a few times), but I have slashed myself. And I do not mean “cutting”, because I don’t do it continuously or because I am depressed, or think about it any other time other than when I am holding a sharp object. I just make a slit or come close to it, and then quickly put it down and get away so I don’t do anything else, like go through with a stabbing or gash.

The thought lingers in my mind for a few minutes after I put the object down, and I will sometimes find myself staring at the object almost longingly, wanting to pick it up again.

Leaving the room is always the best idea, or I might pick it up again,and when I come back later and see it again, I would not have the urge again unless I were to pick it up. I have also done it a couple times with a shaving razor intentionally, creating large gashes when the urges suddenly come on. They are not always present, and it does not happen that often in this scenario.

Has anyone else ever had anything like this? It really is unnerving sometimes, just getting near these things for fear of almost involuntarily stabbing myself.

in me my treatment providers called this "psychosis" and "having a psychotic episode" and having hallucinations/delusional thoughts related to my having bipolar disorder. the solution for me was a change in medications.

suggestion talk with your treatment providers. they can help you get to the bottom of why this is happening for you. who knows maybe it will be as simple as a medication addition or change.

I am NOT diagnosing, but... this sounds a LOT like intrusive thoughts as related to OCD. I would contact your primary care provider or pdoc/therapist immediately and explain everything you said here.

These are unwanted, irrational thoughts that you can't make go away on your own, correct?

Best of luck
Nina