Being with others doesn't feel natural

I don't know what it is about me, but I have trouble spending time with the majority of people. When I analyze it, it's not because I don't like the people or don't enjoy spending time with them. It's just that interacting with most people feels like work, sometimes a lot of work. I find it easier to sit alone in my room and read or write or watch a movie. There are a select few people I always feel like seeing, but for the most part, when people ask me to spend time with them, I feel reluctant and even nervous, even if I've known the person for a while and like them well enough. Do relationships just require effort? Do most people feel that way about them? Or do I just have an anti-social personality?

Just to let you all know, I have no diagnosed disorder and I'm not on any meds. I'm on this site because of some minor anxiety and depression I've had due to studying in another country for a semester...but that's another story.

I know it's hard to judge from this. I'm not looking for anything especially profound, just some advice.

I often feel like being with people can be such a pain and I'd rather hide at home with my laptop. Not all the time, but a lot. Relationships take effort for me. I like to just sit in silence than listen to someone ramble on and on and then try to come up with an appropriate response.
Some of this, for me, is natural introvertedness. You might be the same. Have you always felt this way about relationships?
Some of what causes me to feel this is also if I'm feeling especially tired, so I don't have the energy to put forth/am irritable/all I want to do is sleep. Also, this feeling of relationships taking too much effort is, for me, a sign of depression. You mention minor depression, but perhaps you should look into it and see if it's more than just a little?
Finally, maybe you just need to find people you enjoy being with more? That may be entirely off-base, but you say you like talking to SOME people, so maybe there are more out there. Easier said than done, I know, but I find I sometimes can't stand talking to people for various reasons, even if they are my friends (usually self-centeredness).
So my only thoughts are get enough sleep (if you aren't already), find people you like to talk to (if you can), get a professional opinion on the depression, and accept that part of you just might be an introvert. As long as you're happy there's nothing wrong with that.

I've had similar feelings the majority of my life, and long story short, upon really analyzing my aversion to human interaction (which were many of the same as yours: it's exhausting, I'd rather be doing something else alone, etc)... I got diagnosed with Schizoid personality disorder. So maybe look that up & do some research on it! Hopefully it will give you at least a bit of insight either way..

I feel a lot like you do. Here's one insight I have come up with. Like you, I try to explain to myself why I have so little interest. Meanwhile, one of my biggest complaints is chronic loneliness.

I think there are some people who are focused on getting people to pay attention to them. Then there are some people who are focused on being attentive to others. Thirdly, there are some people who are balanced and who know how to give and get. I'm not in the third category. Sometimes, like when I'm on PC, I think I look for attention.

In my off-line life, I seem to be a magnet for people in the first category. A lot of my involvements with people seem to end up with me hearing all about their troubles and trying to console them. Like you, I find that interacting with people feels like work. I happened to have spent my life doing that for a living - as a nurse. I never minded in the least being in that role on my job. In my personal life, since becoming depressed, I have nothing left to give. Two friends that I had for many years actually told other people that they were so lucky to have a "private nurse" in me. One or the other of them would call me up and say, "I don't feel well. Can you please come over? Can you come right away?" Well, last time each of them called, I said, "No. I am not well myself." I don't even want to pick up the phone when they call. I got caller ID so I could see who's calling me. I know they are lonely. I know they found me a comforting presence. I get nothing out of it.

But I have gotten real extreme. Anyone would understand me not wanting to be exploited. My intolerance has gone beyond that. I don't even want to have a conversation with any of my neighbors. They all seem to have problems. I've heard all about them. I don't want to hear another syllable about how much worry they have.

The truth is that being involved with other people IS work. I think each of us makes a subconscious decision as to whether what we get back is worth what we put out.

Thanks for the answers. It's really good of you all to be so honest and helpful. I'll clarify a couple of things, because they were asked:

My depression has subsided, I believe. I've felt very well for the past few weeks. But in any case, my difficulty in being with others is older than my depression. Since I was very young, maybe from six or seven onward, there have been many times when I've wished I didn't have to be with anyone.

As for the people I always want to see, they're usually people I've known for several years and have gotten used to. Forming that kind of attachment to someone is very hard for me, though there are a few very rare people I'm instantaneously at ease with. There's no rhyme or reason to this at all, it seems: we just hit it off the first time we meet and for whatever reason, the feeling never goes away. Most of the time, though, I'm awkward when I first meet someone and get better as I get more comfortable, but still prefer being alone.

I suppose, also, I should explain the main reason I'm asking this question: I've met a guy here and he's started inviting me out every weekend. He likes me, as in wants to kiss me and more (I don't let him do more than kiss, though). I like him, too, though I'm not in love with him. He has a lot of good qualities, he's treating me really well, and he's fun to be with. Each time I go out with him, I'm glad I've been out. But all the same, each time he says, "Hey let's go out", I don't feel happy about it. My first thought is, "God, I wish I could just sit in my room all night and watch another episode of Mad Men." I just don't know what to think about any of it.

It took me a while, but once I figured out it was okay to have "alone" time ... "down" time ... "whatever" time anyone wants to call it ... The easier it is for me to set boundaries about my availability ...

I truly enjoy the company of others, but I need lots of time to recharge my batteries after being in "social" situations ...

It matters not if it's family, friends, co-workers, boyfriends, girlfriends, acquaintances, whomever ... I don't have any problem declining invitations if I'm too pooped to pop ...

I feel like this quite often. Maybe you are just an extreme introvert, like me. Recently I've been going through a huge mental health crisis and the normal reluctance I had to going out turned so extreme I was a bit worried about it. I felt like it wasn't agoraphobia exactly --it wasn't that I was AFRAID to go out-- it was just that I really, really, really didn't want to see other people. AT ALL. I even dreaded having to take my dog out for walks. Someone might see me and --heaven forbid-- try to talk to me. I don't know, maybe for introverts, when there's so much turmoil in our own heads, adding the complexity of other people seems even more overwhelming. Sometimes people say if depression is making you isolated you should force yourself to go out and be social. I never found this helpful and it just added to my stress that I wasn't doing what I knew I should be doing. Don't worry about it. If you don't want to go out, don't and don't beat yourself up about it. But if you feel the teeniest bit social and you're on the fence about it, try to do it. It could help.

oh also if you are in another country/culture that can really wear you out too. I did that for a year or so and felt the same thing. It can add to the sense of being overwhelmed.

That sounds like a pretty good answer to fit me. Some of us just like our "alone time." It can present problems if you are also a gregarious person. I know that sounds like a contradiction. That's where the conflict comes in
You have this constant internal conflict. People like you and want to be around you. You like being around people but not enough to match their wants.
To thine own self be true?

Morghana - thanks for more information. Since you feel glad to have gone out with him when you get back and, since he respects your boundaries, I would think you would do well to continue, though I would not make it an "automatic every weekend thing." It might be good to take a break one weekend and see if he can accept that. You could do it in a nice way and let him know that you would still be available another time.

I think it is nice that you've found a man with good qualities. Not all good relationships start out with falling in love at first sight. An awful lot of very bad relationships start out that way.

Learn what his character is about. Is he honest, responsible, caring about other people, in general? Watch how he treats animals. What is he like if something makes him angry, or frustrated. That could take a while to find out. If you get to know him and feel you can truly say that he is a good person (not just charming, or likeable, but GOOD and RESPONSIBLE and KIND to you), then I think you might be looking at the greatest gift life can offer you. You might be surprised at how much he might come to mean to you over time. For you, that might take quite a while. You may have to actually learn how to enjoy an ongoing relationship. Not everyone is born to relate easily. After you trust him more, tell him about your own nature and see what he has to say about that.

If you find he drinks too much, or uses drugs, or is mean when he gets mad, or likes to kick dogs, or steals things, or lies a lot, then drop him like a hot potato and don't worry what he thinks of you for doing that. What he is like now is what he most probably will be like 30 years from now.

I don't like being around people either. I'm very introverted; partly paranoia (I've lived around a bunch of real sh...y people for a long time), but mostly because of apathy and weak emotions...it is extremely difficult for me to put value on human interaction, which is why I can count the number of friends I've ever had on one hand.

I think that if you genuinely like being alone, there really isn't a problem. Many, many great people were schizoid.