I got another rejection letter today. I've been unemployed for a year and a half now. I really thought I had that last one. Let's face it: my career is over. I failed. I got the degree, moved to DC to start my career, had a job for 3 years and that's it.

Maybe it's time to pack my bags and go home.

What's there for me at home? Even fewer job prospects. 2 remaining friends I've kept in touch with since I left. That's about it BUT at least it's home. It's beautiful. I was born there. I lived there my whole life. I know the land. It's in my blood. It's home. At least it's home.

Ok so I'm drinking now. But you know what was really sweet? I went to the liquor store across the street and the guy who works there knows me and I told him I was celebrating not getting another job and he gave me a free bottle of sparkling white wine called Cava. I've never had it before. I'll save it for when I have guests over.

I just called my mom, who I almost never talk to, and asked her the questions that came up in therapy today: did she ever regret not having more control over her life? She lead such a conventional life for a woman of her age; got married in the 1950s at age 18, had 5 kids and pretty much did whatever her husband did: moved across the country, learned the dry cleaning business, then moved across the state and learned another business. She never had any choices. I, on the other hand, have limitless choices. I've traveled across the world, worked in a war zone, lived in a home I shared with homeless people and college students, got a scholarship for college, went to grad school, started a career of my own choosing, moved across the country on my own.

What different lives we've led. I wouldn't trade mine for hers for anything. My whole life is a result of my own choices (well, that plus dumb luck). And one day one of those choices may be that I choose when to end my life. I reserve that right. It's fitting that way. My life. My death. My choice.

[turquoisesea]

its funny that when i read your title, I assumed you would list all the things that are WRONG with your life. But you've listed so much that si GOOD about your life (the choices and how you wouldn't trade it for anything). It doesn't seem to make much sense to me as a result.

Maybe this is just another step in your crazy life - fun but scary to not know what's around the corner. I think it's something people of our generation (just starting out in this economy) face. (I'm not sure how old you are - I'm still in school so probably a bit older but same idea).

Just because you get a job does not make you useless. and you say you had one for 3 years. there are people out there COMPLETELY qualified who can not get a job!

I don't know what your degree is in, and what happened at the last job. so I don't have specific advice for you. but try to look at things through new perspectives. Are there lesser jobs you can take in the meantime to stay in the same area if you want? Are there other opportunities in your home town - either educational or work related - that you can take advantage of? Living at home, you could do some community service/for free type work that could help the look of your resume while you job search. You could also tag on extra qualifications from a state / local school - giving you that extra edge over other people applying to the same jobs.


Take care, I hope things look up for you - chin up!