[BlueFaith]

My 6 year old son is in kindergarten, and he is going on a field trip today to a theater to see a play. My mother in law ( who lives with us ) is making me feel bad because I didn't go with him. I really didn't feel like I needed to go, because I believe he's perfectly fine in the school's care. MIL thinks I should have gone and is making me feel very guilty about it. What's your opinion about this? Am I wrong for not going??

[wisewoman]

My opinion is it's always great to be involved in kids school stuff and if today you really didn't feel like going to a play then maybe the trip to the aquarium or something will be more attractive. Tell mom in law you understand but that you will go on other trips and outings with him, just not this one. MIL needs boundaries so just seems relaxed and clear with your decisions when you speak with her. Good luck.

[JustBen]

I'm with you, MP. I think he's fine in the school's care. (What, like you'd trust them to look over him at the school, but all of a sudden because they're at a theater the school is now incompetent?)

[wi_fighter]

The first thing that came to mind when I read your post was "man, it sure would be crowded if every kids' parent went along." There will be other field trips and other chances to chaperone. Pick the one that's most interesting to you, and it will be something fun you and your son will be able to talk about fondly for years to come. In 10 years of school field trips, I've only chaperoned one. I can be pretty certain neither of my kids has suffered because of that. Actually, my son asks me NOT to chaperone. It's embarrassing to have your mom along (even though I'm considered the cool mom of the bunch). LOL

[BlueFaith]

I understand what you are saying wisewoman. I think it's important to participate in the events at school, too. I've been with him on 3 other field trips this year. We both enjoyed ourselves and had a good time. But today I have an appointment with my daughter's neurologist to see when her surgery is coming up. MIL knew today was just not a good day for me to be going on a field trip. She says, "Oh, but what if something terrible happens?!?!". Yeah, that makes me feel REALLY good.. sheesh. Yes, she DOES need boundaries... she's getting really out of line about some things... and that's putting it nicely. Thanks, ((( WW )))

[BlueFaith]

Yeah, Ben, I think the school is perfectly capable of taking care of him. Like you said, they do it 5 days a week! There's no reason why he wouldn't be fine today. I think the MIL is just trying to get under my skin. She seems to enjoy doing that.

[darkeyes]

I agree with wisewoman. I also think MIL needs to butt out.
My son is going on 20yo, but when he was little, she was a good grandma to him and all, but was and still is a controlling person, so needless to say I dealt with some nonsense, and then I eventually told her, of course as nice as I can, that she needed to step back. She tried to almost replace my position as mom, even convince my husband I didn't know what I was talking about when it came to some nutritional/health concerns, again cause she was a nurse, blah,blah, and she knew.
See, she kept on me about my being what she called overly protective, to be careful in malls,especially when lots of abductions occur, I was wrong, she said "don't worry" nothing will happen, etc.
As she started to see local news and regular news she said to me, "wow, now I know why you worry, it's good you are protective". She thinks some things are like in the past, when my son was an infant, she wanted to give the kid some honey, we told her it is very dangerous to an infant, that there is a bacteria, that is alright but when the immune system isn't fully developed yet, etc. you needed to wait till the child is a year old? I don't remember exact age, but we were cautioned by pediatrican, MIL thinks she knows more, she's a retired RN. I told her do not even think of it, she had to be snippy and say, "oh, that is nonsense, we all had honey, and we didn't die".
My husband finally saw this, with her, and called her aside and said, "no", when the baby is at the "safe" age for this, then we shall let him have it.
Whatever she is feeling, let her get over it, don't upset yourself for not choosing to go on today's trip, next one that comes,you may want to go then,but do not fret about today's choice.
Take care now,
Roe

((((((((((((( MP )))))))))))))))))

[wi_fighter]

So it's more important to go to the theater than to a doctor's appointment for your daughter?

There's a reason the school makes you fill out a buttload of papers at the beginning of the year with emergency contacts and doctor's and dentist's names and which hospital you prefer your kids to go to in case something happens and the parents can't be reached.
Mothers.

[BlueFaith]

That's so true about the crowding! The teachers even asked that not every parent go. There just wan't enough room for that. My son WANTED to go alone for once. He likes that sense of independence... even at 6 years old! My feeling is that he is in good care even though I am not there. But when someone is saying ... what if something BAD happens, then I kinda start to wonder if I'm doing the right thing. It's good to know that Tyler isn't going to suffer in the long run for me not going on ONE field trip! ((( wi_fighter ))) Thank you!

[BlueFaith]

(((( Roe ))))
You gotta be kiddin!! My mother in law is a retired RN, too, and I am going through the exact same things!! She thinks she needs to tell me how to take care of my kids... but she does it in a very hateful way. GRRR... I get so fed up with it that I could scream! She lives with me because she has had some financial difficulties and all that. But, this is going too far.. ughh. I'm trying to not let her get to me, but it's sooo hard. You're right... she's gonna have to get over it.

[BlueFaith]

I thought that was crazy, too. Thinking that a field trip is more important than this doc appt. That is a little out there, but that's the way she thinks, honestly!

[wi_fighter]

She's a retired R.N. but a doctor's appointment is lower in priority? No wonder this is stressing you out.

(((((((((((MP)))))))))

[nothemama8]

Ya did the right thing for you and your son, your daughter's needs had to come first, you allowed your son his independence, and you saved yourself the noise and confution of all those little people trying to be grownup. MIL's all must go to the same school to learn how to drive DIL's nutz
Angie

[January]

(((((((((( Jenn )))))))))

You did just fine. He needs to learn to take trips without Mom. You are taking care of your daughter who needs you more at the moment. You MIL definately needs some boundries and if she felt that strongly, she should have went instead of trying to boss you around.

Not to worry, you did the right thing!

Hugs,

Jan

[desirae]

It ain't no biggie, sure he's safe in the care of the school, they have plenty of experience taking children on field trips. It was a trip to the theater, not to a dirt bike rally. I wouldn't feel guilty, if it bothers you that much just go to the next trip. Does your 6 year old seem disappointed, or did he have fun either way? That's basically what matters.

[mrb020377]

MP,

I have two kids in school and if i went on every single field trip, i probably wouldnt have a job!!! lol!!!
I just pick and choose which ones i can go on!!! Dont feel bad!!! It will be ok and like wi_fighter said if everyones parents went they would be very crowded!!!

((((((((((((MP)))))))))))))

i think its fine that you did not go.....these trips help to build confidence that they can do ok without mom........

[darkeyes]

((((((( MP ))))))))))))))

I figured it all out, I may be wrong, but my MIL use to work, missing watching her kids grow up, her MIL was their babysitter, but I think they never really got the close love from MIL cause she was too busy, being a RN.
Well, how I see it, MIL's like that seem to want to posess our kids and try to be the mom they weren't? Or maybe it's some sort of weird guilt thing they hold inside?
I confess, I was very protective, some regrets I have now,but I was always fearing something happening to my one and only child, that would harm him or worse. . .
I use to start signing up for chaperone spots, but then I was an aide in his school system so that wasn't odd, most mom's did that. The only problem, they weren't neurotic like me (can't think of the right term) I constantly obsessed in my mind with "what ifs"? I did get through it, but she thought keeping a close eye on kids, even some moms had leash/bracelet things so their little ones were alongside when at large crowded malls, where kids do get lost, where kids do get kidnapped, etc. soooooooooo, that I personally feel, a parent can never be over watchful, things like that happen within seconds.
My MIL also grossed me out with cleanliness of the bottles I put his formula,milk or juices, I was like OCD, nearly was stripping my skin down from hot water and detergent, okay, I agree I must of been way over on that, cause we all survive, not even knowing how really sanitary things are.
Plus, I chilled, and realized I couldn't keep the kid in a bubble, so, sure some things she was right, but other stuff, she is way out of date with medications,vaccines, etc.
Oh, MP, this is rough, hang in there, keep in touch with us too, it helps to have someone to vent with. I use to vent to my mom and dad, about my MIL, they didn't care much for her but told me to tolerate some of it.
Hang in there, you did the right thing, and I'm sure your son isn't traumatized that you couldn't be in 2 places at once. Maybe MIL, should sign up for a chaperone postion or classroom mom, to help her feel more secure and use some of that excess time she seems to have, which allows her to worry?
Take care,
Roe

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