My mind is full of contradictions. How normal is that?
I never really seem to be able to commit to anything, a feeling, an answer, or to take a stance on something. I feel swayed by everyone elses point of view. I am engulfed by anyone elses emotions when physicly close to them.
When I try to communicate with others online, it's like time is being stretched, my heart hammers awaiting a reply. A part of my mind tells me they will respond, another part collapes in the agony of knowing that they will not. For some reason, I am stuck in a world with the absolute certainty of rejection. Then I get a responce, and for that one moment I am flooded with reliefe.

Untill the next time.

I bring the pain upon myself. I'm smart enough to know that, yet I can't seem to break free of this little game my mind has created.

[dailyhealing]

I understand that fear of rejection part. It plays out a little differently for me, but I do get anxious when I put things out there. I don't necessarily know the answer, but you aren't alone in your feelings. Thanks for posting, I do think these things we struggle with can improve as we work on them! Hope that is true for you also!